Page 52 of Bang Buddies With Benefits
“Again?” Her voice was a demonstration in extremes, loud one moment and then barely a whisper the next.
“Not that I’m planning on it. No more shellfish for me.” Suddenly I was rethinking whether she could handle my confession of love. With the newfound knowledge flowing through me and filling me head to toe, it felt like it might burst out of me at any given second. But she obviously needed to get whatever was bothering her off her chest, and then I’d have to take it from there.
Once again, I tapped the spot beside me. “Come here. You can cuddle up next to me, and that’ll make me even better. Then we’ll figure out the rest, the way I promised we would the other night.”
Catalina raked her fingers through her hair, giving up halfway when they caught in her curls, and her gaze moved from me to the floor. “There’s something I haven’t told you. About my past.”
The steady beeping of the machine was all that filled the air for several seconds, and Catalina glared at the machine like it might come alive and attack her. She kept to the edge of the room as she started pacing, and I was about to yank the damn tubes out of my arm, cross the room, and demand she spill it already.
“I was engaged before. For real, nothing fake about it.”
Of all the things I’d expected, that certainly wasn’t it. And while I didn’t especially enjoy the way she’d clarified that engagement wasn’t fake, I understood why she felt the need. “Okay, so…” When she didn’t expand, continuing her frantic pacing and gnawing on her lower lip, I nudged. “We all have our pasts, Cat. Hell, I had you sitting down next to mine earlier. If you’re saying you’ve changed your mind about settling down, you can tell me. I won’t get mad, I promise. In fact—”
“No, that’s not it at all.”
Panic slowly crawled through my body, tendrils that reminded me of the kraken tattooed on my arm, wrapping and squeezing. Demonstrating the ship would be going down, but not before the inevitability of my fate had plenty of time to sink in.
“You don’t get it,” she said, and the raw desperation in her voice caused every one of my internal organs to shrivel and prepare to dive overboard. As if the endless stretch of icy water, no land in sight, might be the safer option.
Catalina paused, her chest heaving with her breaths, and ran her fingertips over her brow.
“Do you remember the guy from that picture of my quinceañera? The one my mom showed you? That was Mateo. He and I were always friends, but in a lot of ways, we were always more, too.”
Jealousy twisted into my tornado of emotions. It didn’t feel quite right due to the tone of the story, and I wasn’t sure how it ended, so I fisted the thin hospital blanket in my hands and waited.
“Life took us in different directions for a little while, but when my dad died, Mateo showed up at my door because he knew that I would need him. And I did, I really did. From there we fell in love. Like romantic, life-changing love, so madly and so quickly, until he became my entire world, you know?”
I didn’t but she wasn’t actually asking.
“Then on New Year’s Eve, almost ten years ago, he…” Her voice cracked, and more tears slipped down her cheeks. “He asked me to marry him. Of course, I said yes. But then…”
A sob came out as her entire body crumpled in on itself.
I didn’t know what to do, so I just sat there like a chump, not sure if I should begin picking at the tape, or if I would need to be seated for what came next.
Seconds passed, piling up and creating a blockade between us, until an eternity could’ve gone by for all I knew.
“Then he…” She sniffed, struggling to regain her composure. “He…”
I swallowed past the giant lump that’d overtaken my throat. I sensed she was about to say something that was going to end us. It was in the way she wouldn’t look at me; the doomed tonality in her voice, even as it trembled.
Still, the fact that he’d hurt her that badly made me want to hunt him down and hurt him back. “What did he do to you?”
“He saved my life,” she said, her chin quivering with another wave of tears. Out the rest of the story came About the drunk driver and being shoved out of the way of the car.
She spoke about him with such reverence that I knew I’d never live up to the guy, and I’d never admired someone and been so fucking envious at the same time.
I sat helpless, watching her heart shatter all over again as she told me about the ambulance ride to the hospital. How Mateo hadn’t made it, and how right then and there, she’d vowed to never fall in love again.
“So many times over the last four years, you helped me forget about the past for a little while. You were there when I needed you, but never treated me as lesser than or lashed out if I didn’t reply to your texts. Seriously, I appreciate that more than I can possibly put into words.”
But I couldn’t compare. How could I? After knowing her for most of her life, he’d saved it. Now she was focused on delivering justice, she explained. She owed that to him. “This case hit close to home and messed with my head. You never pushed, and at one point I thought maybe I could actually… Which is why I agreed to see what would happen if we dated for real.”
At long last, she looked at me, and then I wished she hadn’t. “But I can’t do this anymore, Izaac. I just can’t.”
Of all the times she’d used my full name, I loathed this one. It was so final. So personal. So fucking devastating.
“I know I totally suck for bailing on our deal early, but after spending time with Jeremy and his family—they care about you more than you realize. Even Julia. You don’t need me at the wedding.”
