Page 14 of Bang Buddies With Benefits
“No, he fucking doesn’t.”
“We hates double standards,” Penny said in her best Gollum voice, and our second round of drinks showed up in time to toast to the sentiment. “But that’s why we’re willing to wade through the muck and figure out how to blow shit up from within.” She tapped her temple. “With our brains.”
Like Charlotte E. Ray, who’d registered for law school under C.E. Ray so her gender wouldn’t exclude her from admission, and eventually went on to be the first Black female lawyer in the US. As a Latina woman, I’d also celebrated the day Sonia Sotomayor was appointed to the bench, making her the first woman of color to become a member of the Supreme Court. They hadn’t given up, and neither would I. “Thanks, gals. I needed that reminder.”
“Here, here.” Ellie lifted her drink, and we tapped our glasses together one more time.
“Once I make partner, that’ll give me the power to generate more change, and I’ll use that power to create space for more minorities and women.” That was why I was going along with the fake fiancé bit.
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught movement, and Penny muttered “incoming” seconds before a guy plopped his beer bottle on our table. “Can I buy you a drink?” he asked me, and I ran my gaze from his belt buckle—not a skull, and why had that thought popped in my head—to his preppy, fresh-shaven face.
Ellie spoke before I could. “Sorry, we’re all taken. In fact, she’s engaged.”
I whipped my head toward my friend, eyes wide. I’d been in a fake relationship for less than a week, and she was cockblocking me?
“That’s okay. I have a girlfriend,” he said, and well, that was what I got for considering the idea of letting him buy me a drink. While I could afford my own drinks, it was always nice not tohave to.“No one has to know.”
“Yeah, we’re done here.” I shooed him on his way and returned my attention to my friends. “¿Eloise, querida? Did you miss the part where I told you that Zac and I weren’t actually together? The only time we’re going to refer to him as my fiancé is if the partners of my law firm are around. Or his family, I guess, although I think we’re only pretending to date when it comes to them.”
Penny tilted her head, her forehead crinkling in a way that seemed more like calling me out than confusion. “You think?”
“Okay, so there are some bumps to smooth out.” I gave a quick explanation about his ex and his brother’s upcoming wedding, doing my best to shut out the part about how she and Zac reconnected after years apart, and added that acting as his date and wing woman was the quid pro quo on his end. “I also fully own my sexuality and believe orgasms are important to both happiness and health, and it’ll be good to have Zac nearby when I need a release.”
Now Ellie cocked her head, her confusion unquestionably real. “Wait. Does that mean you’re both free to sleep with other people? Like, during your little scheme, you seriously don’t care if Zac sleeps with anyone else?”
“Nope. He’s always safe, and so am I, so…” I shrugged, saying the rest without saying it. Regardless of how many times I’d assured her I was perfectly fine if a guy never called me afterword—I preferred it most of the time, honestly—her bafflement never eased up on the subject. Ellie Kostopoulous was a romantic. Always had been; always would be.
Whereas I used to be, and never would be again.
In the beginning, her betrothed also claimed he wasn’t a relationship guy. But they’d fallen in love, and the promise ring Luke had presented her with was only in place a couple of months before he replaced it with a fat diamond. She still wore the promise ring, just on the other hand. While I was over-the-moon for her, it’d left her thinking that perhaps more nudging toward love was all that I needed to renounce my single-for-life position.
It wasn’t.
Considering these two women had held me together during the year that my grief was so heavy it threatened to crush me, I wasn’t sure how they didn’t get my aversion. That last semester of our senior year was the darkest time in my life, and if not for Ellie and Penny, I wouldn’t have graduated. When I was too numb to act on my own behalf, they’d written out flashcards and stayed up till two a.m. studying my courses with me, despite having their own to juggle. They’d forced me into the shower on more than one occasion, the mere mention of which was enough to make hetero males everywhere lean forward with interest and beg to hear more.
If they could’ve witnessed the real event, all but the perviest would sprint in the other direction. The tears and snot had become a stream that flowed together. From there I’d pull on clothes, not caring whether or not they’d been recently washed, and left my hair to do its own frizzy thing.
On the nights when I awoke, sweaty, tangled up in my sheets, and screaming Mateo’s name, they’d climbed into my tiny twin bed and held me.
The pang in my heart wasn’t as sharp as it used to be, but whenever I so much as thought his name or about those awful, heart-wrenching months after the incident, there’d always be that tug. That memory of stretching out my hand toward his crumpled, bloody body.
“Cat?” Vaguely I heard Penny’s voice; felt her hand brush my forearm.
As often as my besties ribbed me over my ball-buster attitude, they always managed to sense when my inner retrospection morphed into a droning hum that drown out everything else. Then they’d peer at me too intensely, searching for signs of the weak emotions I kept buried deep within the recesses of my heart.
Like right now.
“I’m fine.” The sniff that accompanied the higher-than-normal pitched words gave me away. I’d rather do anything than discuss it, so I did what I did best—I redirected. “It’s just hitting me that Ellie’s getting married. With Penny already living with Archer, all these big life changes are stacking up, which is great. It just makes me a pinch nostalgic is all.”
I lifted a finger and swung it between my friends. “And if either one of you ever mentions that I got mushy about this, I’ll slap you with a gag order so fast it’ll make your head spin. Don’t make me prove it.”
Their smiles were soft, and neither of them jabbed back. While they wouldn’t say so aloud, they knew where—or more accurately, to whom—my mind had drifted.
As devastating as it’d been to lose Mateo, I’d spent months consoling myself with the idea of justice. When the man who’d taken him from me went free, it nearly broke me all over again.
Then and there, I’d changed my entire career path, my mission justice for all. No one should get away with a crime simply because they had money, and I took on several pro bono cases a year for those who couldn’t afford a lawyer that hadn’t been appointed to them for that reason.
“Yes, things are changing,” Penny said, “and sometimes that freaks me out too. But look at how far we’ve come.” She placed her hand over mine, pressing it lightly to the table. “You’re going to make partner, I just know it. And if there’s any way Ellie and I can help, we’ll leave our sexy men at home and be there in a flash. You know that, right?”
