Page 36 of Love's a Glitch
Ellie walked forward until her shoes entered my line of vision, and I slowly looked up. “I teased you once that humility doesn’t suit you, but to be honest, it totally does.”
My face heated from more than the rising temperature the baking caused and I scratched at my itchy eyebrow. This was one reason I didn’t talk much about the other part of my work. Not that I wasn’t proud—as much as I liked the bucket analogy she made, I still felt like my drops were puny. With each trip, I felt like the middle of a tug-of-rope, my desire for adventure and my desire to do good a tricky balance I hadn’t quite found.
“Can I see some of the photos?”
“Of course.” I wiped my hands on the thighs of my jeans and withdrew my phone. Ellie moved closer, leaning in to study my phone screen. I became acutely aware of the press of her breasts against my bicep. “This is one of my favorite pictures, because it’s the first one that was accepted inNational Geographic.”
“No way,” Ellie said, swiping my phone right out of my hand and lifting it to better study it. “That’s so freaking cool.” With her eyes still on the screen, she shoved my arm. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? If I had a photo in a magazine like that, I’d open with it. Hi, my name is Luke, and I have a picture inNational Geographic.”
Affection tingled through me, a zip of pride coming along for the ride. “It took me nearly five years to get them to bite, and another two years to convince them to make me one of their photographers, so sometimes it seems unreal even to me.”
“That is unreal. But looking at these photos, I get why they finally opened their eyes and put a ring on it. You’re too good at what you do for them to let you get away.”
I huffed a laugh. “I love how excited you get about everything. My family just kept insisting it meant I should return home and get a real job now that I’d had my fun. I’m still an independent contractor, and there are plenty of times that even the photos I think are my very best don’t make it in the glossy pages, so it’s far from steady.”
“Have you considered showcasing them at art studios or building a website and selling prints online?”
“Eh. Sounds like a lot of effort.”
“As though climbing up a mountain high enough to get this shot”—she pivoted the screen toward me—“isn’t effort? It would be a nice way to supplement your income, build your portfolio, get you more jobs, and be in control of your own destiny.”
Now she sounded like my family. If I were set on having a career in photography, why didn’t I monetize my skills? I snatched the phone from her and jammed it in my pocket. “That’s not why I do it.”
Hurt flickered in her eyes, and I felt like an ass—for good reason. “I get that,” she said, her voice far calmer than I would’ve used on me had the tables been turned. “Believe me, I do. When I was in college, I had all these visions of grandeur about only doing projects that fed my artist soul. But I often have to take on jobs I don’t absolutely love the entire time. My end goal is to eventually branch off on my own, but I’ve been around the block long enough to also realize it takes a solid portfolio and word-of-mouth recommendations and new clients, and I need to keep a roof over Dottie’s and my heads.”
As if summoned, her cat pranced over to her and wound between her legs, the top of her furry head rubbing against Ellie’s ankles. Ellie scooped up the cat and scratched between her ears, and I tried to figure out whether I should be offended. Was she saying I didn’t have enough motivation? Calling me a snob?
No, that was just my own baggage rising up. A big part of me felt driven to prove that I didn’t need my parents’ money, or anything else involved in their world, to the point I’d distanced myself. After spending more time with George, I realized I’d also missed out. “My sense of security is being allowed to uproot myself at a moment’s notice. I’m a nomad, not a settle-down-and-build-a-website-and-a-business guy.”
The timer beeped, signaling the empanadas were done, and Ellie stepped aside, her cat still in her arms, while I checked on them.
“Sorry if I offended you,” Ellie said. “It wasn’t my intention. Thanks to our chats, I feel like I know you so well, but I guess there’s still a lot about each other we don’t know.”
That was fair. “I should be the one apologizing. My chosen profession’s a sore spot between my family and me, and so I tend to shut down anytime people give advice on what I should do. I realize you were only trying to help. I feel the same way about knowing you so well yet find I’m still missing pieces.
“Talking with you, dancing with you….” I hesitated, my desire to discover all her pieces, including every inch of her body, launching a complaint about my words before they were even out. I shook off the oven mitt and forced myself to face her. She deserved straightforward, so she didn’t waste her time on a train going to the wrong station. “I like being with you, Ellie. You’re funny and smart, and so full of sunlight and energy, I can’t help but give in to your gravitational pull.”
Of its own accord, my arm lifted, and I grazed my knuckles across her cheek. The parting of her lips and dilating of her pupils almost prevented me from following through with the rest. “But I can’t promise more than a day at a time, and I know that’s not what you’re looking for.”
The room fell so unbearably silent, the ticking of the cooling oven sounded loud.
Dottie jumped from Ellie’s arms, as though she didn’t want to stick around for the fallout. “I never said I was looking for more with you.”
Take that, ego. It crumpled, right along with my sagging shoulders. It should be a relief, so why did her reply deflate my lungs and cause my skin to stretch too tight over my tense muscles? “You’re right. Guess I misread the situation. I hope I didn’t make it too awkward.”
Ellie stepped closer, invading my space, and yet she still wasn’t as close as I longed for her to be. “You didn’t misread my attraction to you. I only meant that I would never ask you for more. You’ve made it clear you don’t do relationships. I’m not saying it’s not disappointing that I finally found someone I have crazy chemistry with, only for us to end up in a ships-passing-in-the-night type sitch. While I might want a tugboat that’ll tow me wherever it goes, and you want to be solo on the high seas, I’d like to enjoy the waves while we’re in the same water.”
“Are you saying… as in friendship? Or making waves together?” I shook my head, confusing myself at the analogy I was doing my best to latch onto. “No pressure. I’m asking what your boundaries are so that I don’t cross them.”
“I….” An internal battle seemed to be going on in that beautiful head of hers. “I’m not sure. Milo does want the same things I want, and I don’t think it’d be fair to him for me to go out on dates and lead him on while getting it on with you on the side. But…” Vulnerability flickered as she sank her teeth into her bottom lip. “I’m also scared that means you’ll be less interested in spending time with me.”
My attempts to inhale were in vain, the oxygen failing to reach my lungs. I wanted to latch onto Ellie as intensely as I’d done on the dance floor to prevent her from getting away, and I hated that I didn’t have that right. “That’s one thing I can assure you won’t change. You’re the main thing getting me through my time here. Spending time with you and George Lucas are the best parts about being in San Diego. Of course, I love my niece, too, but she scares me a little. All my expertise with climbing and scaling ravines, and I can’t even dream of keeping up with her.”
Ellie laughed.
Not hugging her caused an ache to form, so I snaked an arm around her waist and drew her to me, keeping the hug on the loose side in case she wanted or needed to step away. “If the circumstances were different….”
Ellie’s arms wound around my waist, and she buried her head in my chest. “Don’t do that. It’ll make me too sad. Let’s just be glad that, for however long, you and I get to go on adventures together.”
