Page 62 of Anatomy of a Player

I clamped my lips, trying to hold back the urge to ask.

“Go ahead,” he said, then he shook his head, as if he couldn’t believe he’d given me permission. Honestly, I could hardly believe it, either, and I felt drunk with power.

“Why did you need an escape?”

“You’ve been holding that in since the other night, haven’t you?”

I shrugged one shoulder and then nodded.

“Me and my big mouth.” He sighed again and leaned farther into the couch cushions. “My home life was…less than ideal.”

I had a feeling that “less than ideal” was the greatest understatement ever.

“My mom lost custody of me a few times over the course of my childhood, and when she had it, social services was always coming in. Some of the workers were nice, for some we were just numbers on a long list, and for some we were a paycheck. Things got better, though. She got sober; she had a job. Then Raymond entered the picture.” Hudson’s features hardened and his voice flatlined. “There’d been guys here and there, but he was the worst. Of course that’s who she picked to stay around. Who she’s picking over me again.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “You know that day we played pool?”

I nodded.

“She called to ask me if I’d walk her down the aisle and give her away. Ever since she told me she’s marrying the asshole, she’s been begging for me to give her my blessing. I can’t give it—I won’t. Not after everything he’s done to us.”

“What did he do?” Maybe I shouldn’t have asked, but how could I resist after a statement like that?

“You name it. The guy’s an enabler with connections to drug dealers, which is the last thing a barely recovering alcoholic needs. My mom had been clean for almost two years—we didn’t even have check ins from the state very often anymore. Then she met Raymond. She started drinking again, along with doing who knows what else, and there’d be nights the two of them didn’t even come home. At least by that time I was thirteen, so I could fend for myself.”

My heart sunk. Thirteen? I would’ve been in a corner gripping a stuffed animal, scared that bad guys would break in and get me. Just when I thought I knew the guy in front of me, it turned out I was so clueless it wasn’t even funny.

“Of course then she lost her job and the state eventually found out,” Hudson continued and his hand drifted up and curled protectively around his right side. “She refused to go back to rehab because she was too worried about losing Raymond, so I had to go live with a foster family for most of my sophomore year.”

Every sentence just got worse and worse. “Was it awful?”

“No, actually. They were a nice enough family, and it meant I didn’t have to be around Raymond anymore—he was the meanest drunk I’d ever met, and by that time, I’d met my fair share. But I was so worried that without me there he’d hit my mom even more, and every time we talked, I begged her to go to rehab.”

He didn’t say it, but I got the feeling that she wasn’t the only one who’d been hit.

I put my hand on Hudson’s arm. “That’s awful… I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine. I survived.” He shook his head. “The worst part about that period in my life was that I’d been ripped away from Dane and my hockey team, too. The Welches put me in hockey, but it wasn’t the same playing with a bunch of preppy guys. I fought a lot and got into even more trouble than I did when I was roaming the streets of New York with Dane. I didn’t exactly fit in with their crowd—I worried some that playing for the BC would be like that, but I couldn’t turn away the only opportunity I’d ever get to go to college.”

I covered his hand with mine, tracing the veins across the top, like I’d done the other night. “So you finished high school there? With that family?”

“No. Finally my mom broke away from Raymond and cleaned herself up. She promised she’d never choose anyone over me again. I wanted to get back to Dane and my old school, but honestly, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to live with her again.” He shrugged. “But she’s my mom.

“I moved back in and finished off my junior and senior years at my old school. Raymond came around once, but by that time, I was bigger than him, and I’d done nothing but lift and train for hockey. So I gave him a taste of his own medicine.” Hudson cracked his knuckles, his vision drifting off to the memory, no doubt. “He left us alone after that.”

In all the time I’d known him, I’d never heard him sound so…deadly. I could only imagine what would happen if he got angry and unleashed his rage on someone with his full strength behind it. Thinking of it didn’t scare me, though. It made me want to wrap my arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be okay, even though I didn’t know if it would.

“Until,” he said, and the muscles around his jaw went rigid. He curled his hands into fists and the veins in his forearms popped out.

“Until you weren’t there anymore to keep him away,” I guessed, running my hand over the clenched muscles of his arm and then uncurling his fingers to hold his hand.

He looked down at me and my heart nearly broke right there, because I could see he felt the weight of it. On top of everything else, he’d been carrying around his mom’s bad decisions.

“Anyway. Whatever, right?”

I slipped my fingers between his. “No, not whatever. Her decisions affect you, too—my mama didn’t seem to get that, either. Not that I’m comparing, because I know my mama leaving my daddy and me doesn’t compare to what you went through. But I get that frustration.”

“You don’t have to downplay it,” Hudson said. “That was a shitty thing for her to do. Not that I’m glad that you had to go through that, but knowing it made it easier to tell you about my mom.”

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