Page 115 of Just One of the Groomsmen
“You deserve to have the kind of life you want, not the one other people think you should have.”
“But I don’t know which kind of life I want. I thought I did, but now…”
The temptation to tell her he wanted her here—that heneededher here with him—nearly overpowered him. Which meant he had to make it clear she couldn’t stay because of him.
Later she’d regret it, and as she grew more and more discontent with her job, resentment over his asking her to stay would seep into their relationship, whether it was simply friendship or more, and it would end up doing major damage.
Possibly enough to ruin them completely, and not having her in his life was the worst thing he could think of.
He shut down his emotions the best he could, ignoring the twinge in his chest. “It’s good timing. Or as good a timing as this kind of thing could be. It’s not like I can get serious with anyone right now anyway.”
Two creases formed between her eyebrows. “Wait. So you’re saying that what we’re doingisn’tserious? Because it felt pretty damn serious crossing those lines. Why would we even risk that if we weren’t going anywhere? If you didn’t see a future?”
Breathe in, breathe out.
As long as he stayed calm, they could hopefully keep this from devolving into the types of screaming matches his parents used to have. “I’m saying that I’m in no place to settle down right now. We haven’t gotten that far into the romance part of our relationship—not so far things will be messed up between us—which is why I’m glad we agreed to take it slow.”
A fissure formed in his chest as everything he’d tried to convince himself of came unraveled.
“Let’s just get real for a minute,” he continued. “I live in a houseboat and get whopping two-dollar retainers, for hell’s sake, and until several of the cases are wrapped up, I see no end in sight to that. You have a chance to go make some decent money and add more impressive experience to your résumé.”
“Nowyou care about money? I thought you left your job because youdon’tcare about it.”
“No, I left because I hated it like you hate your job, and to be honest, the fact that it’s left me without a steady income terrifies me. I can’t even think about settling down until I have a down payment for a house in the bank. I’d also hoped to have a large chunk of change in my 401K first, but again, I’m trying to get real here.”
The line of Addie’s jaw went rigid, and she gathered the covers tighter around her. “I’m starting to notice a pattern. We’ll tell people we’re datingafterthe wedding. We can get seriousafteryou have a down payment. Just say what you really mean. You don’t want to get serious with me.”
She started to pull away and he caught her arm.
“Dammit, Addie, that’s not what this is.”
She whipped back to face him, anger and hurt flickering through her expression. “What do you think will happen to us, Tucker? You sure didn’t mention anything about trying to make the long-distance thing work, and even though it wouldn’t be easy, I at least hoped you might consider it. Then again, why bother, right?” She shrugged and her words came out icy and sharp. “We could hardly keep up a long-distance friendship, and that was with me only bein’ a little hurt when you didn’t call or visit when you said you were going to. If we were dating, it’d be harder for me to say, ‘Oh well, he’s clearly busy. No big deal.’”
Thanks to the fact that he knew her so well, he could tell she wanted him to deny it. Or fight it.
But she was right, and what good would it do for both of them to pretend it’d somehow be magically okay?
Crashes were always bigger, uglier, and a lot more painful after you got your hopes up.
“Let’s take it a step at a time. You go interview for the job, and once we find out what’s going to happen with that, we can take it from there. But I’m sure they’re going to love you and offer you a position with the team. Why wouldn’t they?”
A sardonic “Ha” came out, so at odds with her usual infectious laugh. “At least you have some faith in me, even if I’m afraid it’s in the wrong place.”
He grabbed her hand and sandwiched it between both of his as he peered into those big brown eyes. “I have all the faith in you, Addes. Which is why I don’t want you to say no to your dream job because of me.”
Tears formed in her eyes, and a hollow, sucking pit opened up in his chest.
“Please don’t cry,” he said, and she swiped at her cheeks as the tears broke free.
“I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to stop them, so if you don’t want to see, maybe you should go.”
“No.” He wrapped his arms around her, holding her as she sniffed and blinked at her tears.
He felt her slipping through his fingers, and that pit in his chest opened wider, sucking away all the happiness they’d experienced the past six weeks—and especially the last two.
She tugged free from his embrace and turned her face away, and as much as he wanted to pull her right back and refuse to release her, he wouldn’t force her to let him hold her.
“I really wanna be alone right now,” she said.
