Page 80 of Until We're More
I dropped my hands by my sides, because if I kept hold of her, I wouldn’t say what I needed to. “There were a lot of ‘as long as’ and ‘eventually’ and other speculative words that basically boil down to the job not being as good here as the one you could have if you go back.”
“I know, but…” She took my hand and slipped her fingers between mine. “You’re here.”
Everything in me insisted I curl her hand in mine and hold on for all I was worth, but that wouldn’t be what was best for her, and she deserved for someone to put her first for once. “What was your entire goal when you came here?”
“One of my goals was to remember that you were my best friend and not to think of crossing lines, but admittedly, not keeping it has turned out rather well.” She sidled up to me, and I desperately wanted to kiss her and just beg her to stay.
For her to put off her dream so I could have mine. Apparently my mom was right, even if her timing to drop that truth bomb was a bitch.
I pulled my hand free and took a step back. “Your work goal, Chels. About learning to be assertive so you could move up the ladder. That was the whole reason we worked so hard on it. So you could get a job offer like the one you just got.”
The excitement drained from her features as she blinked those big brown eyes at me. “Yeah, but things are different now.”
I shook my head. “What we had this last month, it wasn’t real.”
She recoiled, the pain on her features so sharp it sliced through me, too.
“I mean…” I scrubbed a hand over my face. “Shit, I’m fucking this up. I care about you—”
“Downgraded from love to care.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “Perfect.”
“That’s not what I mean. All those nights I didn’t come home till late? When I missed your celebration dinner and didn’t get home till after you’d fallen asleep?That’sthe norm. Not the few weeks before where we were practically on vacation together—it’ll rarely be like that.”
“You’re saying we’ve been living the part of the fairy tale before the clock strikes midnight. That the carriage is turning back into a pumpkin, and the sparkly is all worn off?”
“Not how I would’ve put it, but I guess it fits.” My heart knotted, squeezing and squeezing until I didn’t think it’d ever pump again. “My life is going to be crazier than ever the next two months while I get ready for the most important fight of my life, and if things go the way I want them to, it’ll only get busier after that. I’ll have a title to defend and more people to train…” I curled my hands into fists, letting the cold, hard reality settle over me. “I can’t do a full-blown relationship right now. Can’t give you what you want and deserve.”
She took a step back, and even though it was only a foot or so, it felt like an ocean of space. “You won’t even try?”
“Why? So you can miss your opportunity to get the job you’ve always wanted, a decision you’ll resent me for when we fail? How could we ever go back to being friends after that?”
Her breath shot out of her, her shoulders curving in like she’d taken a blow to the chest. “How can we go back to being just friendsnow?”
The words cut me right open, the way her voice caught at the end lemon juice on the gaping wound. I swallowed, hard, and worked to keep my voice as even as possible. “I hope we can figure it out. But I won’t let you settle for a life of sitting on the sidelines.”
“Who said anything about sitting on the sidelines? I thought in addition to having a job that I like, one that keeps me closer to you, I’d also be able to stand and cheer from the sidelines.” Her jaw locked, fire flickering through her features. “Maybe I could take an extra job announcing the rounds in the cage so I don’t get accused ofsitting aroundduring the fights.”
I tilted my head.
She mimicked me.
“Chelsea, you always over-romanticize things. And if you think that you’ll stay and things will magically work out because we want them to, you’re delusional.”
“Delusional?” Her voice pitched higher, and I flinched, immediately wishing I could shove that last sentence back in my mouth. She grabbed her purse and her jacket.
“Where are you going?”
“Oh, I got the hint. This was always supposed to be temporary, and I’m overstaying my welcome. Kitty?” She glanced around the room. “Come ’ere, kitty-kitty.”
George came running, and she scooped him into her arms.
“Come on, Chelsea,” I said. “Don’t go like this.”
“Oh, I’d rather leave now than stay and be delusional enough to think things will magically work out.” She blinked back tears, and I felt like shit. How had this spun out of control so quickly?
“Okay, I regret everything I’ve said in the last few minutes. Obviously I made all the wrong word choices.” I reached for her arm, and she jerked away.
“But you mean it, don’t you?” Her eyes locked on to mine, and it didn’t just tug on my heartstrings, it yanked them right out. “The part about us not working out.”
