Page 21 of Until We're More
The resigned expression that overtook his features reminded me of George, and why the hell had I gone and thought about Chelsea’s cat? Finn shifted in his seat. He tipped his head, indicating a group of women on the other side of the room. One smile from him, and their heads perked up. “The blonde,” he said, twisting to face me. “She’s been staring at you since we came in, and she’s got temporary fun written all over her.”
I gave her a lazy smile, which she returned, twice as wide and bright as mine, and Finn put his hand on my shoulder.
“I’m not gonna try to talk you out of it, but I am going to say that this is something that might fuck up things with Chelsea later. You parade women past her for one-night stands, and I don’t see her just ignoring that and—”
“She’s my best friend, Finn. I need her tostaymy best friend.”
Finn opened his mouth, probably to counter with a sentiment I couldn’t hear because it would send my thoughts spiraling, so I blurted out the one thing I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about since arriving at my apartment.
“She didn’t have a bra on when I got home, okay? She had on these tiny shorts, too.” I scrubbed a hand over my face. “Trust me, it called for drastic measures.”
“Because you…noticed?”
“How could I not? And yes, of course I’m attracted to Chelsea. She’s sexy and sweet and…” No going down that path. Stick to the cold, hard facts. “Like I said, I need her to stay my best friend. Our lifestyle doesn’t have room for more—you know that as well as anyone. Look at what happened with Mom and Dad.” Finn and Brooklyn were too young to remember the details. They remembered the fights, but I remembered what the fights were about. Now they knew that Dad had cheated, earlier in their marriage and another time or two before they divorced and Mom moved to Arizona to be near her sister. But they didn’t remember Mom talking about all her regrets and how she’d given up her career and her passions for Dad’s. One night she told me that she was sorry she was a shell of her former self and asked me to forgive her for not being who she used to be.
An icy lump formed in my gut, and the cold spread up into my lungs. I wouldn’t do that to Chelsea. Maybe she still had more to learn about being assertive, but getting away from her oppressive family and living on her own had done her good, the way I thought it would. She was happier overall. She didn’t constantly walk with her head down anymore, drained after giving so much of herself to everyone else.She’s better off without the ups and downs that come along with living here.
Better off without me.
To keep that thought from turning my night into a total downer, I focused on the here and now. “I’ll go back to the blonde’s place. I have no plans to do anything that’d hurt Chelsea.”
Finn gave a half groan, half sigh. “When Brooklyn finds out about this and goes to rip us a new one, I want it on the record that I at least attempted to stop it.”
“Noted.” I asked the bartender to send another round of drinks to the ladies, and then Finn and I walked over to their table and introduced ourselves.
Once we’d settled in and the drinks were delivered, the blonde turned to me expectantly.
Shit.She expected me to talk. This was why I did my best to avoid people in general. It was so much nicer when I had Chelsea with me to do most of the talking. Although I never talked as much as I did with her. It came easy.
And I already forgot Blondie’s name. I’d look like an ass if I asked it again, so I crossed my fingers someone would use it soon.
My mind spun through topics. Boring shit like the weather, a comment about the bar. Nothing worth actually saying. All this time I told myself I’d decided to stop doing the hooking up and dating thing, but maybe I just didn’t have any game.
“…both are,” Finn said.
The blonde placed her hand on my forearm and flashed me a big smile. “You’re a fighter?”
Well, at least Finn was doing the wingman thing, despite making it clear he didn’t want to. “Yeah. Part of Team Domination.”
“Would I have heard of anyone from there?”
I dropped my dad’s name and Shane’s, and the lack of recognition made it pretty clear she didn’t follow the sport. Not that I cared. I wanted to keep things light and shallow. To take off the edge with a woman who knew what she was getting into and then go back to my life without fucking it all up.
I covered her hand with mine and ran my thumb over her knuckles, deciding to forget talking and move on to something I was good at.
But then Finn’s words replayed in my mind, about how this could fuck things up with Chelsea later, if I ever decided to forget all the reasons I shouldn’t cross lines and go for it.
And I couldn’t decide if that was a good reason to stop or to go through with it so I wouldn’t keep thinking of my best friend as a possible option.
Chapter Nine
Chelsea
In spite of the fact that I’d visited the gym not quite a week ago, the sense of nostalgia remained when I stepped inside Thursday afternoon. Funny how a place could hold so many memories, even if most of them included the same routine, the same chair, the same sounds. Of course I’d lived a hundred lives inside these walls thanks to books.
During my freshman year of high school, my mom was laid off and couldn’t find work, which caused a financial strain on our mismatched family. My stepbrother was already in college, and my stepsister was about to leave to attend a university up north, and my stepdad made a huge deal about how strapped he was, not bothering to hide that his real kids were his priority. While Mom spiraled into a deep depression, I took over doing most of the chores and things like grocery shopping. Nightly runs to get her a soda refill because the fountain drink tasted better and she got a discount if she used the same cup. Every few months I sprang for a new one for sanity reasons.
That skin-tightening sensation hit me as I recalled those days when I’d felt so burdened, trapped, and completely unappreciated. I’d been trying to help and then suddenly playing maid and running the household was expected of me. Then I was the one who’d get yelled at if the house wasn’t clean and dinner wasn’t on the table, while Mom spent her days watching TV and clinging to her state of depression like a safety blanket. On top of the stress, it felt like I’d lost her.
