Page 78 of Until We're More
“Yeah, and I always will. Which is why I’m glad she’s found happiness somewhere else. In the end, that’s my saving grace—that she was able to move on, even after I broke her.”
Tightness claimed my lungs as thoughts I kept trying to bat away attempted to poke through. About being selfish versus letting go and how much I’d hate myself if I broke the person I most cared about. “And you? Where’s your happiness?”
“The gym, my kids, my fighters. I’m good, son.” He gripped my shoulder and jostled it. “I’m also starting to worry that I didn’t raise you right. You don’t waste time talking to your old man when there’s a pretty girl in a dress making eyes at you.”
My gaze sought out Chelsea, and I stared, not bothering to hide my admiration.
Not trying to think about her driving away from me in one short week.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Liam
Brooklyn talked me into going to dinner with my mom, and while I’d dragged my feet, I was glad. It showed me another side of her. She’d finally gotten to follow her own dreams and was married to someone who made her a priority, and it’d been a long time since I’d seen her so…well, to use the word that was starting to be the word of the day: happy.
“Liam,” she said as we were heading out of the restaurant. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” She and Larry exchanged a look, and he headed toward the parking lot.
Chelsea slid her arm out of the crook of my elbow and gave me a peck on the cheek. “I’ll go make your brother and sister keep me company while you chat.”
I watched her walk over to Brooklyn’s Mustang, where she, Shane, and Finn were before turning my full attention to my mom.
“I know you think I was too harsh with your father, and you’re right. Seeing him just always reminds me of all the time I lost.” She sighed. “I don’t know how to handle the resentment over that, so I lash out.”
I didn’t have a clue what to say to that, so I didn’t say anything.
A nervous smile played across her lips, never quite making it to cheerful territory. “I’m glad Finn and Brooklyn had you to watch over them. I shouldn’t have put you in that position, but I’m glad all the same. In a perfect world, you would’ve all come with me.”
“In a perfect world, we wouldn’t have had to pick.”
Raw hurt rushed over her features. “What was I supposed to do, Liam? He cheated on me and I forgave him, then he ignored me for another couple years and cheated on me again.”
“I’m not saying you should’ve done something different. Just making an observation about a perfect world.”
“The world’s not perfect, though. It’s messy and complicated.”
My feet itched to flee this conversation, and I ran a hand through my hair. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I’m grown. I’m fine. Brooklyn and Finn had it a little rougher, but they made it through okay, too.”
“Yeah, but maybe if I’d gotten out earlier, you wouldn’t have decided to be a fighter. Maybe you would’ve decided to be something else.”
Offense pinched my gut. “What’s wrong with being a fighter?”
“Nothing. It just means you can’t always make the same choices as people with other careers. Your options are more…limited.”
I clenched my jaw, an ambushed sensation scraping my nerves. “Clearly you have something more to say. I’d prefer you spit it out.”
“Chelsea.”
My lungs stopped taking in air, and while I was sure my heart kept pumping blood in and out as usual, it sure didn’t feel like it.
“She’s a sweet, smart girl,” Mom said. “The kind of girl your lifestyle could chew up and spit out.”
I blew an even breath out through my nose. “I know, Mom.”
“A life on the sidelines is no life—I know that better than anyone. She reminds me a lot of how I was at that age, too. Starry-eyed over a fighter and overly optimistic that love would be enough to get me through the ups and downs that came along with the lifestyle. If only that were true.” Mom sighed again, and each sigh seemed heavier than the previous one. “I’m saying make your choice. But don’t drag her along if you can’t make her a priority, too. It’s not fair to her.”
So many things weren’t fair. I wanted to point out that it wasn’t fair that Brooklyn and Finn missed out on having a mother for most of their teen years. That they had to make do with me trying to hold things together at home. It wasn’t fair that I fell in love with my best friend at the worst possible time, right before the biggest fight of my life, one that’d determine the rest of my career.
Or that the gym required so much work to keep it going and get it back to where it used to be, and that even a year from now—hell, two or three—I still didn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel, just more hours and stress and intense training and one day that bled into the other.
