Page 69 of Counterfeit Boyfriend
29Gwen
That weird déjàvu sensation hung over me as I stared at Evan, making me feel like I was merely a spectator in someone else’s twisted dream. Today I learned something I’d never wanted to: having your mind-blown was more than an expression.
Stepping out of my hotel room to see two versions of my boyfriend left my brain in shambles. Even as the proof unfolded and shined a big ol’ spotlight on why Evan had looked and seemed different at the coffee shop and on the road trip, something inside of me still screamed this was all so impossible, with a side of super messed up.
And my brain was ingoodcondition compared to my heart. It’d shredded one piece at a time as the truth puzzle clicked into shape and formed a full, disheartening picture. Ironic, I guess. Maybe in a different setting, if this was happening to someone else.
The instant I’d seen both guys, it wasn’t hard to see the slight differences, or to realize which one I’d spent the past few formerly-amazing days with. Now every memory, every moment was shrouded in this big, confusing mass of doubt and confusion and basically all-around what-the-fuckery.
“Gwen?” Evan said, the way I cautiously said fractious cats’ names at work when it was clear they wanted to claw my eyes out. Well, this kitty was considering it.
“How could you just…” My throat tightened to the painful point, leaving me to force the words out. “Pawn me off like that? We dated for three months. And you knew about my trust issues.”
He swallowed, then gave one of his oh-so-casual shrugs, although this one also had an I’m-in-too-deep rigidity about it. He had a habit of shrugging things off, but I would’ve never guessedI’dbe one of them. Sure, he was impulsive and a tad immature and not always the best at following through, but I’d weighed that against his carefree nature, charm, and admittedly even his drool-worthy handsomeness. “I didn’t think it was a big deal at the time, but I see now how wrong it was. The truth is, I wasn’t sure I was ready for a more serious relationship, but being at the beach around all these fake party girls made me realize what I have with you. Like I said, I’m sorry, and I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
I exhaled, fighting back the wave of tears that pressed against my eyes and made my nose and throat burn. “Why do you want me?”
“Because you’re hot and totally chill, and we have a ton of fun together. And even when I thought our relationship might not work out, I still wanted to be friends, which is a big deal for me, because I never want to be friends with my exes—that’s how much I care about you.” This was spoken with pride, as if I should be flattered. “You’re the type of girl I could see myself eventually settling down with.”
“And…?”
Clearly he’d thought the quiz was finished, and panic coated his features as he realized he would need to come up with more answers. It was also clear he didn’t have any more. Everything he’d listed was more about him than me and who I was. I suppose it should be nice he could see a future, but it seemed more like the emphasis was on the settling. To be fair, I’d be settling if I stayed with him.
“You want me to answer the question?” Evan Number Two asked, his deep voice managing to send a cascade of tingles across my skin, because apparently my body wasn’t getting the message about how furious we were at the guy.
I glanced at him—atEthan—and the vice around my heart squeezed, hard enough I was sure I was going to end up with nothing but a ruined splat of an organ. “No.”
His eyebrows drew together, confusion with a hint of offense pinching his features. “But—”
“No buts,” I said, infusing my voice with steel. “Evan lied to me once.”
An egotistical smile curved Evan’s mouth, tightening the line of the jaw I used to obsess about.
“Oh, don’t look so smug,” I said as I turned to address him. “It was a really messed up lie, Evan.” Usually, I was all about peace and being non-confrontational, but he thought he was off the hook, and I was far from okay with what he’d done. “Sending your brother? Really? Grow some balls and just be straight with me. No wonder I was thinking of breaking up with you.”
Now the smugness had transferred to Ethan. It was more subtle, but it was there, and my anger cracked its knuckles, ready to lay down the law. “But you…” My chest heaved, razor-edged affection that left me way too vulnerable making an appearance, despite how hard I was trying to cling to my rage. “You lied to me from the first moment we met. You were the one I opened up to. The one I thought was different than other guys—guess that only proves how bad my judgment is. I told you that I trusted you, and instead of being honest, you kept up the ruse. You could’ve come clean a hundred times.”
“You’re right,” he said, no excuses. “And I should’ve told you the truth. I justified what I was doing, telling myself that coming clean meant leaving you stranded in the middle of a road trip. That you needed me for the wedding. But I was being a selfish asshole. Because I was afraid that once I told you who I was, it’d be over.”
His words dug at me, but I wouldn’t let them soften me. I’d trusted him. Dropped my walls. “You’re the one I… We…” I thought about our steamy make out sessions, from the lighthouse, to kissing our way up the east coast, to the photo booth, and… Heat twisted through me as I recalled the hungry way he’d touched me last night before our dip in the pool. How he’d made me feel things I never had before. I’d felt so free, and now how hard I’d fallen for him caged me in, making me feel completely trapped.
I tamped down my emotions, rebuilding the walls around my heart as quickly as I could. If only I could ensure they’d never come down again, but it was too late anyway, because he was already in there and I didn’t know if he’d ever truly be gone from the spot I’d opened up just for him.
“Whoa,” Evan said, obviously reading the charged look between me and his brother that spoke the words I didn’t dare speak aloud. His jaw clenched as he turned to Ethan. “Yousleptwith her?”
Ethan’s blue eyes stayed steady on mine. “I wanted to. More than anything I’ve ever wanted up until this moment where I want more than anything for her to just give me another chance.”
Affection surged, everything inside of me reaching for him, but it only scraped open old wounds while carving out new ones, and it was all too much. I turned around, clenching my jaw against the sob lodged in my throat. “I need both of you to leave.”
I began blindly reaching for my belongings so I could pack and… I wasn’t sure, but I had to get out of this room, away from these brothers. Away from everything. I’d worry later about how, with them gone, I’d no longer have a ride home.
“I, uh, need my car keys,” Evan said.
Spotting them on the side table, I grabbed them, spun around, and chucked them at his head.
Unfortunately his hand whipped up, his reflexes too fast to let the keys smack him in the face.Damn. That would’ve been satisfying.
“You ready?” Evan asked, and I knew he was talking to Ethan. Now the two of them could ride home together and plan out more schemes and hopefully realize that the other thing they shared besides looks was being assholes.
