Page 39 of Counterfeit Boyfriend
17Ethan
Holy shit,I was screwing this all up. Everything I wanted to say had all these strings attached, and if I could follow through on those strings, I’d be all for attaching them.
That thought hit me like a sucker punch. Hadn’t I decided that I didn’t have time for a relationship right now?
Figures that I’d find a girl I’d want to take a risk on in the one place I couldn’t go. At her mention of her charismatic friend who talked her into crazy things, my mind went right to my brother. Although I didn’t miss cleaning up his messes and the trouble I’d ended up in because of him, now and then I missed our misadventures. I’d told myself that I had to grow up, and I had, but sometimes it felt like I’d forgotten to let go.
To have fun.
Until I landed here on this road trip with Gwen, who’d reminded me how amazing it could be to let loose a little and live in the now. Which was why I was glad Evan wasn’t here for this mess of an adventure. It meant I got to be the one with Gwen’s feet in my lap, with her opening up to me, which caused more of that gut-wrenching confliction.
Living in the now, remember?Not like it was much of a choice. Once again, leaving her without a reliable ride—preferably one she didn’t want to murder and leave in the woods—wasn’t an option, and after everything she’d told me, I refused to do anything that’d cause her to have to go to tomorrow’s wedding alone, either. It’d be selfish to confess to relieve my guilt only to leave her without someone to lean on.
Or maybe that was yet another justification, one that’d later be piled to my list of crimes.
“Is it weird that taking on the world sounds easier than forgiveness?” she asked, and it took my mind a second to recall what we’d been talking about before my inner monologue decided to present closing arguments.
“You don’t have to forgive everyone by tomorrow.”
“It’d make things a lot easier.”
“Maybe. But forgiveness is easier said than done. That said, I also think we could all use some forgiveness once in a while.” It was such a lawyer thing to do, setting up a defense in advance, just in case. My dad would be proud. Under different circumstances, I might be.
“True. And I know that my sense of fair and right has often made me come across as a wee bit judgy.”
“Justice is important—it’s something I’m a big advocate of.”
“You are?”
“Why do you sound so surprised?” Duh, because Evan didn’t care about the law like I did, but I decided that standing in for my brother didn’t mean I couldn’t be more honest with her about whoIwas. With any luck, it’d help me deal with the guilt. “I do work at a law office, after all.” Or I would soon, and I had before, and now my definition of honesty was tiptoeing toward a gray area.
This is trickier than I thought.
“Yeah, but I thought you just filed and stuff like that. I had no idea you cared about the cases you were doing paperwork for.”
“Admittedly, I’d like to move beyond filing. I’m going to get more serious about it, too.”
“If you’re passionate about it, I think that’s a good idea.”
“I am.” I was also about to nerd out, but I couldn’t help myself, and more than that, Iwantedto tell Gwen. To go a bit deeper and talk to her the way she’d talked to me when she’d admitted the stuff about her past and her friends. “Some people like law because they say it’s always the same. A set of rigid rules. But that’s not necessarily justice. Justice means being impartial or fair, and it can change depending on the circumstances. It wouldn’t be fair to simply punish all people the same way without looking at what led them to their crimes. Every person has different problems going on in their lives, and I like to help them solve their problems, or at least try to help find a way back from them.”
Funny, because in some ways, cleaning up my twin brother’s messes had meant a lot of problem solving. Maybe growing up with him was simply great hands-on training. “There’s also a dignity about the courtroom and the privilege of representing others, along with the challenge to do it fairly and effectively. The other thing that I love about the law is that it protects those who need protecting. Children. The neglected, the abused, and the at-risk are given a voice.”
“Hearing you talk about it that way, I’m surprised you’re not looking to become a lawyer yourself.”
“Well…” I glanced at her. “That’s actually the goal.”
“Not to sound judgy—the way I admitted I sometimes can—and I mean this in the nicest and most supportive way possible, but you might want to get started if that’s what you really want.”
I laughed. “Don’t worry, I realize I’m not getting any younger.”
Her hold on her knees loosened and she reached across the console and placed her hand on my forearm. “You know that’s not what I was saying. I guess I just want you to know that I believe in you. That if you want to be a lawyer, I believe you’ll not only be one, you’ll be an amazing one.”
Even though I’d already been through law school and passed the Bar, hearing her say that sent an unfamiliar sensation through my chest, one that was squishy and strange, yet oddly comforting. “Thank you. What about you? Are you happy at your job? You said you kind of fell into it.”
“I did, and while it’s not what I first pictured when I was getting my accounting degree, I love my job. I get to see a ton of cute animals and occasionally play with them, and I work with amazing people. There’s also new challenges that arise every day, which appeals to my squirrel nature.”
She grabbed a packet of M&Ms, tore open the top, and tossed a couple in her mouth. “Okay, one more question, and I want you to be completely honest…”
