Page 76 of Until You're Mine
“There are more galleries than the ones up north, you know. Why can’t you at least look down here and see if you can’t find a job that’s not so far away? I could really use you here with me as I’m starting this climb.”
Her face fell. “Positions don’t just open up, not with the bigger galleries, and especially not at ones that fit the kind of art I do. The one where I’ll be working is steeped in the art world, it affords me an opportunity to be mentored by an artist I admire, and it’ll give me connections that can catapult me to the next level. And the fact that you thinkIneed to be the one to move only proves my point. I can’t put my dreams on hold so you can have yours.” She pressed her lips together, fighting her emotions, and I wanted her to stop fighting and let them out already. “In order for us to both have our dreams, we can’t be together.”
I took a step toward her, jabbing a finger at her words. “That’s bullshit. It might be hard, but you’re tapping out before we even have a chance to try.”
“Why delay the pain? So it’ll be even harder when we break? The longer I’m here, the more…” Her voice cracked and a tear ran down her cheek, and even though I was pissed as hell at her, I still couldn’t help reaching out and wiping it away with my thumb.
Her shaky breath skated across my wrist. Her fingers wrapped around my forearm, her eyes closed, and I thought I’d broken through to her. Then she dropped her hand and stepped back, out of my reach, and as hungry as I’d been for her touch, it made her withdrawal that much worse.
“I spent too much of my life resenting fighters and all the attention my dad gave them, but now I’m glad, because it means he took a chance on you, and I know you’ll earn it. You’re the real deal, Shane Knox. You made me see the world in a different way, and I’ll always be grateful for the time we got to spend together.” More tears spilled down her cheeks, and a hollow pit opened up in my chest, and this wasn’t the way this was supposed to fucking go. “I’m not going to hold you back, and I’m asking you to do the same for me.”
“That’s fucking unfair and you know it.”
She wrapped her arms around herself. “What would be fair, Shane? Me giving up what I want to stay here for you?”
Fair would be not losing the woman I was in love with right when everything else in my life aligned. Fair would be if she believed in me instead of comparing me to weaker men. From the beginning she’d made it clear she didn’t think we could work, and all my efforts to prove otherwise didn’t matter.
When you care about someone, you stick around. You work it out.
Plenty of people had walked out on me, and I wouldn’t beg her to stay. I engaged every protection mechanism I’d learned through the years. I bottled up my feelings and shoved them down deep where no one could find them—even me—threw up a big-ass wall, and quickly detached myself from the situation, from Brooklyn. From everything. “You’ve already made your decision. Don’t let me hold you back.”
Chapter Forty-Five
Brooklyn
A long time ago I’d made a pact with myself that I’d never let myself cry in the gym. I’d never seen anyone else cry in there, so I vowed I wouldn’t, either. Back in those days, I’d been worried they’d accuse me of acting like a girl.
I no longer cared if I was acting like a girl. Iwasa girl, and I had a lot of respect for the sisterhood in general. Crying didn’t mean you were weak, and it was my good-bye party, so I’d cry if I damn well wanted to.
And boy did I want to. Which was good, because the waterworks had started several minutes ago. Through my sobs I heard the softtap, tap, tapthat’d welcomed me home. Only this time it seemed to be pushing me on my way. Probably because the person hitting the bag was Shane, and he didn’t pause his efforts to come over with the rest of the guys to say good-bye. I supposed I deserved that, and in theory, we’d already had our good-bye.
I hugged the last of the guys who’d been members of the gym and MMA community for years, gave a few are-we-gonna-hug-or-shake-hands shuffles to the newer fighters, and exchanged an awkward nod or two.
Then I turned to my dad and my brothers, and a fresh wave of tears hit me. I’d wanted my dad and I to repair our relationship, although I’d also done plenty to get in the way of allowing for it, and now I was out of time.
He pulled me into a giant bear hug, going so far as to lift me off my feet for a couple of seconds before putting me down. And holy shit, were his eyes misty, or were my tears making me see things?
He cleared his throat, so some kind of emotion was there, and I mirrored it back at him times a dozen. “You sure there’s nothing I can do or say to convince you to stay?”
In spite of everything, he wanted me to, and I supposed that in some ways, that was a victory in and of itself. I looked to Liam, who gave me an encouraging nod/smile combo.
“Sorry, Dad. I’ve got to do this. The exhibition could be the big break I need to get my art recognized, and my internship will help solidify my future in the art world, either way. I know you think painting is a silly hobby, but it’s important to me.”
I wanted him to contradict me, but he didn’t. Considering I’d wanted to end things with Shane on a good note, apparently I wanted a lot of impossible things.
“Good luck,” Dad said.
I’d take it. I glanced over my shoulder at the guy expending his energy by beating the shit out of the bag in the corner. Nothing for me to take there, except for how much I’d screwed things up with him.
You’re doing the right thing, you’re doing the right thing.
It didn’t exactly feel right, but once I settled back into my old life, away from the world I couldn’t keep myself from getting sucked into, it would. Right?
Finn scooped me into his arms next, and I did my best choke-hold, save cutting off enough air for him to actually pass out. “You better visit more,” he said.
“I will,” I promised, although it would be a while. I needed some space, or I might go thinking it wouldn’t be so bad to throw away my dreams and risk a maybe on an incredible fighter who was so different than I’d expected him to be.
Maybe…
