Page 25 of Until You're Mine
“Hope is a dangerous thing.”
“Yeah, I get that. I had a little too much hope when I arrived back in town, and it’s a good way to end up disappointed.” I recalled what he’d said about his life of being shuffled around to different foster homes. “Obviously not the way you get it—I’m not implying that…”
I didn’t know what to say, and my words got jumbled in my head. I wanted to say I understood, the way people did to give them that common ground and sense of solidarity. But the fact of the matter was, I didn’t—I couldn’t, not with the cushier way I’d been raised. I also didn’t want to insult the way he’d grown up. I’d already done that after he’d helped me break into my car, and I did try to learn from my mistakes.
“It’s not a competition,” he said, and the hint of a smile danced across his lips. “But if it was, I would win. Just saying.”
I returned his almost smile and it turned into a full one. “Couldn’t even make it two seconds without turning it into a competition, could you?”
“Not with you. One more second and you’d run wild with it, then for the next few days I’d have to hear you bragging about how you won, and a forfeit just isn’t the same as a real win.” He draped his arm over my shoulders, and after a moment of deliberation I decided it fit friends-ish territory, not to mention it felt nice to rest some of my weight on him, so I let it slide. “I think it’s time we stop dancing around the subject and get it all out.”
My stomach lifted up into rib cage territory.
“What happened at dinner with your dad last night?” he asked, and while I didn’t exactly want to talk about that, at least it wasn’t as bad as I’d imagined it to be in that pause. “Did I give you shitty advice?”
The hurt that’d ebbed and flowed all day rose back up. “Horribleness, with a side of shittiness.”
Shane put a hand to his chest. “You’ve never been one to pull your punches, butdamn.”
“Wha—oh! No! I mean the dinner.The dinnerwas horribleness. I appreciated your advice, actually. It gave me the strength to try.” My eyes met Shane’s, and he gave my shoulder an encouraging squeeze. Since I didn’t know how to deal with the twisty sensation churning through my gut, I returned my gaze to the endless stretch of water. “Unfortunately, I can’t change him.”
I kicked at the water, sending a spray of it into the rising tide. “And please don’t remind me about how tons of people would kill to spend time with him. I know he has good qualities, but he’s blind when it comes to me. Or maybe he just only sees me one way, and always will. Whatever it is, it makes us clash. I think we’re now in a worse place than we’ve been in a long time, and considering we’ve hardly talked in years, I didn’t even know that was possible.”
“I’m sorry—I really am.”
I shrugged because it didn’t change anything. It was nice to get it off my chest, but between that and the genuine concern in Shane’s features, it also made our bubble feel too intimate.
It’s not like Trey’s here to confide in.
Of course, that’s my fault—I’mthe one who moved for the summer. All to help a guy who wants me to forget my hopes and dreams and do his bidding.
I switched my weight to my other leg, and Shane’s arm fell from my shoulders. In an attempt to stop the yearning that filled me upon its absence, I hugged my arms around my middle. A sorry substitute, but at least it made me feel less guilty. “I think what sucks most about it is that my dad and I used to have a really good relationship. I was always a huge daddy’s girl. To the point that when my parents divorced, I begged to stay here and live with him instead of moving to Arizona with my mom, which I know hurt her feelings.
“When my passion was his by default, everything was great. Once I decided I wanted a different path than the one he’d planned for me, things got ugly. I never expected my art to come before his precious fighters and his gym, but I didn’t think he’d call it a silly, waste-of-time hobby and demand I pull my weight in the ‘family business’—the business he’d neglected his family to run, by the way. For so long those words stuck with me, and every time I went to show my art to my professor, or someone new, I’d get all tangled up in doubt because not even my dad—a guy who practically gave pep talks for a living—believed in me.”
I glanced up at Shane to find him looking right back at me, so intensely it robbed me of breath for a couple of seconds. “Wow, I didn’t mean for that much to spill out. You’ve got your own stuff to worry about, and I don’t want to dump on you. Not just that, Ishouldn’t. You obviously respect him, and you’re working with him, and again, I’m not saying he’s not a good guy. He is. He just pisses me off and hurts my feelings sometimes.”
“I get it. I could tell that you used to be closer from the way you talk about him, which is why I was hoping last night would go better for you. It sucks that he made you doubt yourself, and if you need to vent, you can come to me anytime—I’m good at keeping things separate.”
“Thanks,” I said. “And thanks for distracting me for a while before prying what happened out of me. Now that I got it all out, I’m beyond ready to move on to something else.” I nudged him with my elbow. “Let’s do you now.”
“Finally.An idea I can fully get onboard with.” He exaggeratedly waggled his eyebrows, and I smacked his chest with the back of my hand.
“Notthat.I’m saying now that I’ve spilled too much info, you have to, too, so I don’t feel so weird and vulnerable. Tell me all your worries and cares. What keeps Shane Knox up at night?”
“Oh, so you wanna get the fun stuff out of the way first. I gotcha.” His hand returned to the small of my back as he steered us down the beach a ways, toward a spot that didn’t get as much light from the nearby houses. “It’s not very exciting. I’m constantly thinking about getting that next fight. It looks like it’ll probably be with someone relatively unknown. Which is fine, but disappointing. It’s crazy how long it takes to rise to the top, and how fast you can fall and be forgotten about.”
I stopped, a different type of guilt filling me. The favor my dad wanted would help Shane’s career.IfI could even get my ex to agree to the fight, and that was a big if. I didn’t believe he had a soft spot for me. He just didn’t like to lose. Looking back after enough time to gain some perspective made me realize he’d always treated me too much like a possession.
“And you,” Shane said, his deep voice carrying across the breeze and drifting over my skin like a caress.
I peered up at his face, replaying the last few seconds as I tried to figure out if my inner monologue had gone rogue on me. Had I said part of what I’d been thinking out loud? “Me?”
His hand drifted over and hooked on my hip as he curled me closer. “Lately thoughts of you keep me up at night.”
I stiffened. “Shane.”
“I know. You have a boyfriend. A stupid, annoying boyfriend.”
