Page 72 of Confessions of a Former Puck Bunny

Megan and Dane were in the kitchen making cookies when I came home from my lifting session on Thursday night. Or more accurately Megan was trying to keep Dane from eating all the dough while she formed round balls and placed them on the pan.

She smacked Dane’s hand as he reached around her, into the bowl. “Dane Owen Kowalski, I swear, you’ll lose that hand next time.”

“But then how would I…” He whispered something in her ear that made her face go red and I went from being slightly jealous over their relationship and how I no longer had one with Lindsay, to feeling like a voyeur.

I cleared my throat. “You realize I’m right here.”

“Bro, that’s why I whispered the rest like a gentleman.”

“I’d hardly call what you said gentlemanly.” Megan wiped her hands on a paper towel and then turned to face me. “The first batch of cookies will be done in about five, and then we’re planning on watching a movie if you want to join us.”

“Yes to the cookies, no to being the third wheel. I don’t need a pity party.”

“I get that you’re going through something,” Dane said, “but Megan was only trying to be nice, so how about you stop saying you don’t need a pity party while having one.”

I clenched my jaw and started out of the room.

Dane rounded the counter and stepped in front of me, blocking the pathway to the hall.

“It’s like you want me to hit you,” I said.

“I get that a lot. Especially when I’m trying to help my friends realize how big of idiots they’re being. I get it. When you fall in love with a girl, it fucks with your head.” He glanced over his shoulder at Megan. “No offense, angel. I mean it in a good way.”

She walked over and wrapped her arm around his waist, but her eyes were on me. “It’s okay to have feelings, Ryder. I wasn’t even sure you had any until I saw you with Lindsay. Now I see how much you were holding back. Don’t go back to shoving everything down, because Dane’s right. If you let her go without a fight, you’re an idiot.”

“No, I’m finally doing the right thing,” I said. “I didn’t back off when I should’ve—back when she first made it clear she wasn’t interested. Now I’m letting her go so she can be happy.”

Megan shook her head. “She’s not happy. She misses you.”

“What’s the point? I’m not going to go pour my heart out when it won’t change the fact that she’s graduating in a little over a month, and then she’ll move away, and I’ll still be here.”Here where you guys can shove your constant happiness in my face.

Don’t get me wrong, I was happy for them, but that didn’t mean I could live here and watch the constant mushiness. They’d probably try to cheer me up or set me up, and I didn’t want anything that involved the word up. I was down, so low that I didn’t think I’d recover, and I didn’t see that changing any time soon.

The timer on the oven chirped. “I changed my mind on the cookies,” I said. “I’ll leave you guys to your movie.”

I’d just kicked off my shoes and stripped off my sweat-drenched shirt when the knock came at my door. Dane didn’t wait for me to answer, just walked right in and crossed his arms.

“I’m about to jump in the shower,” I said.

“You’re about to screw up your life. I don’t understand your endgame, unless you actually want to hurt Lindsay and let her leave Boston believing you never cared about her. If so, I have to say, you’re not who I thought you were.”

“I’m not who anyone thinks I am. You don’t know me, my parents don’t know me—”

“Bullshit. Maybe your parents don’t. But Lindsay sure as hell does. That girl changed you, and you changed her, too—you think someone like that just comes along every day? That you won’t regret this so much that none of us will be able to live with you? It’s not like you can just go lift even more until you forget about her—it hasn’t worked so far, has it?”

“I don’t want a speech. I just want to be alone.”

“Keep it up, and you will be. For good.” Dane stared at me, the disappointment clear. This guy who said whatever he thought and got himself into trouble constantly because of it—and honestly, one I kind of looked at as a fuckup before—was disappointed in me. How much lower could I get?

He shook his head and did what I asked him to. He left me alone. And I did feel like I’d be alone for good. Even worse, without Lindsay, I didn’t even feel like a whole person anymore.

Chapter Forty-One

Lindsay

Whitney dragged her feet enough as she approached my desk that I knew something was up.

“The last time you came to me with that look on your face, you told me you couldn’t give me the article I wanted.” Maybe if she’d delivered a scathing piece on the unfair bias the college showed athletes, no hockey player would’ve dared to cross my path and I never would’ve slipped into that world again.

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