Page 69 of Confessions of a Former Puck Bunny

“Well, mission achieved.” Lindsay tipped back her drink, then shoved the other cup in my hand, hard enough it crumpled and liquid sloshed over the side. “Congrats on your win and for proving once and for all that guys are judgmental assholes. I’ll make it nice and easy for you and give you lots of extra time to focus on hockey, because I’d rather not be referred to as a waste of time. In the long run, I guess you’re doing me a favor, because now I don’t have to worry whether or not I’m making a rash decision about my future that I would eventually regret.”

She charged past me, and I just stood there, like the stupid idiot I was.

Damn it to hell.That came out all wrong. I let everything I’d found out mess with my head, and I’d overreacted when I saw her and Daniel.

I wished that I could run after her and say that I was sorry, and that of course I trusted her.

While Iwassorry, I didn’t know if it changed enough to make a difference in the long run. We’d had one complication after another since starting our relationship. I didn’t like who I became when I saw her so much as talking to another guy. Daniel was my teammate, and one of the few people I considered a friend, and a couple of minutes ago, I wanted to rip his arms off.

Even now, the urge to hunt him down and threaten him to stay the hell away from Lindsay remained. What did that say about me?

Then there was how I’d been playing lately. I couldn’t pretend that being with her wasn’t distracting when my game stats said otherwise. I’d made some big plays tonight, but that was only after Dane had to pull me out of my thoughts. The biggest games of the season were still ahead of us, and I needed to play better. Unlike Lindsay, I had to come back here next year, and I’d rather not go from starter to bench sitter.

I need to hit the gym.Of course it was closed right now, not to mention my legs were practically noodles from the game. Nothing made sense anymore, and my head spun, and I wasn’t sure if I was more pissed or ashamed, but I didn’t like either.

Maybe it’s time to just let her go, before we end up doing even more damage.If I could even get Lindsay to forgive me for how I’d acted tonight—and that was a huge fucking if—spending more time together would only make it that much suckier in the end.

What’s the point? It’s over. It was always going to end, anyway.

The cup in my hand called to me, reminding me it was there, and I downed it in a few large gulps. I was supposed to feel happy—we were advancing to the NCAA Championship.

Instead I just felt like shit, and I longed to be numb so I could forget everything for a while.

Luckily, I was at a party with lots and lots of alcohol. Everyone deserved one night to be a complete idiot, right? I figured after twenty years of always falling in line, I was long overdue.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Lindsay

Confession#18:I’ve been wearing yoga pants for three days straight.

Confession#19:I’ve consumed an entire tube of raw cookie dough.

Confession #20:I almost broke down and called Ryder after half a bottle of wine that I chased with the aforementioned cookie dough.

When it came to confessions that fell on the sad and pathetic scale, I could go on all day. I’d hoped that Ryder would come over and apologize at the very least, even though I wasn’t delusional enough to think it’d truly change anything.

But he hadn’t come over, hadn’t called or texted, and that made it clear he’d never cared about me the way I’d cared about him.

I’d considered staying in Boston for him, too, and that only made me feel stupider. All those times I’d sworn I wouldn’t be like my mom, living her life for whatever guy was in it at the moment, and then I’d been about to do the exact same thing for Ryder. I’d tried to tell myself that having a job while I was staying for the guy would make all the difference, but I was more like her than I wanted to admit.

Even with that realization bouncing around, every inch of me bled misery, each pump of my aching heart only converting the misery to agony and sending it back through my body.

Confession #21:Broken hearts hurt like hell, and I’m pretty sure mine will never be right again.

I pushed my hand over the spot in my chest where the pain radiated from and a few tears slipped out.

The sound of a key sliding into the door had me quickly wiping the tears from my cheeks.

My roommate Natalie came in, and her expression made it clear she’d noticed I hadn’t moved from where I’d been this morning when she left. “Are you ever going to leave the couch and shower?”

Confession #22:I skipped my Monday classes, and I was considering not bothering with today’s, either.

“What do you care?” I asked.

“Just asking,jeez.” She huffed. As she disappeared into her bedroom, I heard the “bitch” muttered under her breath.

I only wished I were the bitch I used to be—that girl didn’t feel heartbreak. She knew that love made people weak.

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