Page 76 of Never Have I Ever
“What happened?” I ask.
“My parents were neglectful. They would leave for days at a time. We never knew when they would be back, but they always came back. Until they didn’t.”
“Mom.”
“I tried to make it work. But I was only ten at the time,” she tells me. “I couldn’t do anything. The neighbor noticed that my parents hadn’t come home, and she saved us.”
“Mom,” I say again because I don’t know what else to say. I had no idea that my mother had gone through that.
She shakes her head a little. “The point is, I didn’t have what you have. That neighbor saved us. She took us in and raised us as her own. We had food on the table, a good home, and I went to a good school, where I met your father. And as soon as I stepped into his world, I never wanted to look back. It was a complete 180 from how I grew up, and I knew I wouldn’t give it up.”
She gives me a weak smile, and I think I get it now. Why she’s so adamant about me taking advantage of everything we have.
“Kelly was the opposite,” she says. “She was kind of like you in a way. She didn’t want the money or the life that I did. She got in with the wrong crowd, and she, um…” my mother breaks, tears falling down her face. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my mother cry. “She was in the car with her friends who were drunk and…” She says, shaking her head. “I couldn’t protect her, but I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes again. I want to protect you. I need to. I want you to have the best life possible, Rosalie. I felt abandoned. Neglected, like I wasn’t wanted. I never want that for you, Rosie.”
I swallow. “Mom. I felt like that all the time growing up. I still do.” I tell her.
She flinches like I slapped her. “What are you talking about?”
Does she really not see it? “Dad doesn’t acknowledge me. You never seem to be happy with what I do, no matter how hard I try. I try so hard.” I say, my voice breaking a little.
She reaches out, placing her hand on top of mine. “Rosie. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I never meant for you to feel that way. Your brother followed the rules and did everything we wanted him to do. But you, you were so different. Dear god, you wanted to go to public school,” she says with an eye roll, making me laugh through the tears. “I just didn’t feel like I could relate to you anymore.”
I guess I get where she’s coming from, dealing with all of that when she was younger. But I am not her.
“Mom. I’m different. The things I want are different than what you wanted.”
She nods. “I know that, Rosie. I think… I think I’m starting to see that you won’t be like me. And that’s okay.”
She squeezes my hand, and I sigh. “Why does dad avoid me?”
She lets out a breath. “I don’t think he knows how to be a father. He never took care of your brother. He wasn’t an active dad, you know. We had people for that. I never had to get my hands dirty with the baby stuff.”
I look up at her. I feel like I’m seeing my mother completely differently. She needs this life. She needs the money and country club because she didn’t grow up with it. I did, and it’s the farthest thing from what I want for my life. “I want to go to college, mom,” I tell her. “I want to find myself and follow my dreams. And you have to accept that.”
She lets out a breath and then nods, giving me a smile. “I think I spent so long trying to fix the mistake I made with Kelly and trying to deter you from becoming her. But you’re not her. And you’re not me. I’m starting to see that it’s okay. If this is what you want to do, then I will support you, Rosie. I just… are you not going to attend the meeting today? Because Emily Livingston is a powerful woman, and if you stand her up, it will look very bad on the Whitton name.”
I let out a laugh. “Yes, I’m still going to go. I can’t waste an opportunity like that.”
She gives my hand a squeeze. “I love you, Rosie. You know that, right?”
“I know, mom. I love you too, mom.”
She smiles at me, taking a sip of her orange juice. “So, about Jackson. Are you completely sure you don’t want to give it another go?”
“Mom.”
“I was only asking, sweetheart.” She smiles when I roll my eyes. “Was worth a try.”
“Thank you for waiting,” Emily says as she sits down at the table in front of me. She’s right in front of me. The woman is a legend. One of the first designers I admired. And here I am, having lunch with her.
“It’s not a problem,” I tell her. I’ve been waiting for over twenty minutes, but Emily Livingston is a busy woman, I’m sure. I’d wait an hour for a meeting with her. “I’m happy you wanted to meet,” I tell her.
“Of course,” she says. “Your mother is a wise woman. She vouched for you and said that you'd be the next, well...me,” she says, laughing.
“She said that?” I have to admit, it’s a little crazy to believe that my mother would say that about me. But I guess I don’t know my mother as well as I thought.
“She did,” Emily says, interlocking her hands in front of her. “She also said you started very early. That’s good, as you’re so young.”
