Page 45 of Never Have I Ever
We walk deeper into the forest, getting closer to the water. He sits us down on an old wooden bench that faces out onto a lake. His body turns towards mine and brushes the hair out of my face. “You feeling better?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
He smirks, tucking my hair behind my ear, and then his eyes meet mine. He doesn’t look away, and neither do I. We continue to stare at each other for a while. But then, he clears his throat and turns back around to face the lake, away from me.
I sigh. “Why didn’t you just bring your car?” I ask him. Why did he feel the need to bring the motorcycle instead?
He doesn’t turn his head. His eyes stay focused on the water shining underneath the sun, but I can see his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows. “You didn’t like it?” he asks.
I don’t even have to think about that for a second. “I loved it.”
This time he does turn his head. He’s got a slight smirk on his lips. “Yeah?”
I love when he says that. Almost as if he needs the confirmation. “Hell yeah,” I assure him, smiling up at him.
He laughs, shaking his head. “You always seem to surprise me, angel.”
I feel my cheeks fill with heat, and I avert my gaze from him. “So, is that like your thing?”
“My thing?” he asks.
“Yeah. Motorcycles, cars… fast, reckless driving, I guess.”
He laughs, then shrugs. “Yeah,” he sighs. “I love feeling the adrenaline of it. There’s nothing else like it.”
There really isn’t. I didn't know it would be this much fun to endanger my life like that, even though I knew I was safe with Grayson. I was alive, feeling every emotion possible from the tip of my toes to the top of my head. I felt it everywhere.
“It’s addictive,” he says. “The feeling you get. It’s hedonistic and exhilarating.” His head is turned towards me, but his eyes look past me like he’s lost in thought. “I’m always hyper-aware of everything. I’m never relaxed. But the fear makes me feel alive; it makes me feel everything. And I wanted to show you that.”
I swallow hard. I felt the exact same way. It was the most thrilling feeling.
“Thank you,” I say.
He snaps out of thought, and he focuses on me. “For what?”
“For showing me what it feels like to be alive.”
His eyes burn into mine, so dark and intense. I can’t look away. He shakes his head. “What do you really want?” he asks.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what doyou, Rosie, want? What do you get out of this?” he asks.
I shrug. “I told you. Everything on the list.”
He groans, sliding a hand through his hair. “Don’t give me that list bullshit. I want to know what you want, Rosie. Everything that you’ve ever wanted to do. I want to know.”
I open my mouth to speak but then snap it closed again. I’m not sure if I even know what I want exactly. I want to know everything, experience everything, see everything, and live like everyone else.
I shrug. “I want to be a normal teenager, Grayson. I want to do everything people our age do. Smoking, parties, hook-ups, drugs, everything.”
He shakes his head. “I can’t help you with drugs, Rosie,” he says.
I furrow my brows. “But you're a drug dealer, right? I can pay for it. I just want to try some. I want to feel out of control for a bit.” I smirk at him. “Part of my college experience.”
His jaw clenches. “I thought you didn’t believe that crap.”
“But I saw you. Today.”
