Page 38 of Never Have I Ever
He nods. “Yes. You believe in love. And if we get involved, you’ll confuse what it is, you’ll confuse attraction for love, and you’ll end up getting hurt. I don’t want to hurt you. You’re too good for that.”
“Oh my god. Stop.”
He looks taken aback. “Stop what?”
“Stop saying I’m too good or too pure or whatever else you think. I want to learn, and I want you to teach me. I want to do this.”
“Rosie…”
I hold my hand up. “Let me finish.” He nods, and I take a deep breath before continuing. “I know what this is. I know it would be just a hookup, and I won’t get feelings for you or fall in love with you. Yes, I’m attracted to you, but my life is already set out for me. I won’t end up with someone like you. I’ll end up with someone with money who comes from a good family, most likely picked out by my mother. Some hotel owner or whoever else she wants to set me up with, and I’ll ultimately go along with it because, like you said, I’m naïve, right?”
He shakes his head, taking a step closer to me. “Rosie, I didn’t—”
“It’s okay,” I reassure him. “I get it. I am naïve. I’ve been sheltered all my life, and I want you to help me step out of the shade. To show me the rain, the good, the bad, and the ugly. All of it, and I want it with you.”
He’s quiet for a while, but then he blows out a breath. “Fuck, Rosie. I don’t know.”
I reach out and grab his hand. I clutch it in mine, feeling the coldness of his skin mix with the heat of mine. “Please, just say you’ll think about it?”
He lets out a breath and shakes his head. He looks down at me, staring into my eyes. “I’ve done nothing but think about it,” he admits.
“Then give it a chance. I just want to learn. Please. I trust you.”
He drops his eyes, frowning a little. “I can’t, Rosie. I just can’t.” He lets his eyes drift closed, pain etched in his brows. Why is he fighting this so hard? “I understand if you don’t want me to help you anymore, I get it just—”
“No,” I interrupt him. “I still want your help. I had fun the other night, and last weekend was… I loved it.”
His lips curve upwards in a small smile. “Yeah?”
I nod. “It was the best. And I like spending time with you, even if it’s just as friends.”
He lets out another breath. “Me too.”
My chest clenches. I’m so glad he likes hanging out with me because he’s become the one thing I have looked forward to recently.
“Then don’t say no. Not yet. Just think about it. That’s all I ask.”
I look up at him, waiting for him to agree to at least think about it. I get it now, he doesn’t want me to catch feelings, and I won’t. I can handle them.
He sighs. “Okay.”
“Thank you.”
His phone rings, and he pulls it out of his back pocket, cursing when he sees who’s calling him. “I’ve got to go. But I’ll call you soon.”
“Okay.”
He gives me a small smile, then turns around, gets in his car, and leaves.
I make my way into the building, unlocking the door once I get to my apartment. I kick off my heels and drop my bags on the couch, wandering into the kitchen to find a vase. I pull out one of the crystal vases my mom bought when she furnished the apartment. I fill it up with water and drop the daisies inside. The flowers make the apartment look so much brighter than before.
Maybe Grayson was right. He isn’t willing to give me what I want. Even if it ends up being just sex. I think I’ll always want more, eventually. I want to know what it’s like to fall in love. If I do end up with someone I don’t love, at least I’ll know what it was like, once in my life.
And Grayson can’t give me that. He’s made it clear that if anything happens, I need to understand it’s nothing more than just another lesson. But I can find someone willing to give me everything I want. Love, feelings, the whole lot.
14
Cock blocked
