Page 37 of Never Have I Ever
“Don’t walk away from me.”
I look over my shoulder, seeing him approach me. “You sound awfully jealous for someone who doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
A hand wraps around my arm, and he twists me around, crowding me until I can feel his breath on my skin. “Don’t put words in my mouth, Rosie. I never said I wanted nothing to do with you.”
“You said you didn’t want to have sex with me. Same thing.”
He groaned, wiping a hand down his face. “I’m still helping you, Rosie. I’ll still do that for you if you want, but we just… Fuck,” he curses, running a hand through his hair. “I can’t. Not with you.”
My face starts to redden, not because I’m embarrassed but because I’m sick of his excuses. “Why not? What’s so different about me that you won’t sleep with me?”
“Is this really how you want to lose your virginity, Rosie?” he asks me. “With some guy you don’t even know, who, according to you, has a fucked-up reputation.”
“I do know you,” I tell him. He’s more than the rumors and reputation around here.
He shakes his head, scoffing. “You don’t know me, angel. Not really. And you definitely didn’t know me when you walked in on me and another girl, proposing the idea of us sleeping together all for some dumb list!”
My eyes widened as I stepped back from him. I confide in him, and he throws it in my face. I thought he would help me without judgment or restraints, but instead, he just reminded me that he’d sleep with anyone, just not me.
I laugh bitterly. “This,” I gesture between us, “was a mistake. I shouldn’t have asked you for anything.” I pull my arm out of his reach and continue walking toward my apartment.
“Wait.”
I ignore him. I keep looking forward, walking toward my apartment, when I feel his hand wrap around my wrist again. He doesn’t twist me around this time, just holds me there like he doesn’t want to let go.
“Please. Don’t walk away from me, just let me talk. Let me explain why we can’t have sex.”
He’ll give me the same talk he has for weeks. That he just can’t. Well, that’s not an explanation. It was stupid of me to think I could do this. It’s not who I am, no matter how much I want it to be. No matter how much I wanted to step out of being Rosalie Whitton and become someone completely different, I’ll never be able to have that.
Grayson was my first and last choice. I confided in him when I shouldn’t have. I know that now. I won’t repeat the same mistake.
“We can’t have sex,” he starts. “I want to. You have noideahow much, but we can’t.”
“Then why don’t you?” He has nothing to lose. I’m standing here asking him to take me, to teach me, to let me experience what it’s like, and he still won’t.
“Because, Rosie. You’re a virgin. And call me a dumb fuck for saying this, but I can’t get involved with a virgin, especially not one like you.”
One like me? “What does that mean?”
“It means that you’re innocent. I’m guessing you haven’t been on a date or been in a relationship.” I look at the floor, knowing he’s right. “You’ll just end up getting the wrong idea.”
I furrow my brows. “Wrong idea?”
He nods. “I know girls. They get attached. They catch feelings and convince themselves they’re in love, especially with the guy who took their virginity, and I can’t do that to you. This will never go anywhere, and I don’t want to hurt you. Ever. So, we can be friends, but we can’t get involved like that.”
“But you sleep with girls all the time, and you’re never in a relationship.”
He sighs. “That’s different.”
“How?” I ask him. “How is asking you to sleep with me, to teach me, different than you hooking up with those girls?”
“Because they know what this is. They know it’s just sex. No feelings or any of that bullshit.”
“You don’t even believe in love, so what are you so worried about?”
He runs his hand through his hair, shaking his head. “I’m worried aboutyou.”
“Me?”
