Page 35 of Never Have I Ever
“What exactly are you looking for?” Leila asks.
“I don’t know,” I tell her, honestly.
“Well, what do you normally wear?”
I laugh. “Not these,” I say. She raises her eyebrow, and I explain. “I wear briefs. I told you I wanted a change.”
She smiles. “Nothing much, huh?”
I feel my cheeks start to blush, and I sigh, picking up a lacy blue bra from the counter. “Will you help me or not?”
She laughs, shaking her head. “Come on,” she says. “I know just the thing for you.”
13
Don’t look in the bag
Rosalie
Maybe I was wrong to ask Leila for help. She definitely knows something’s different with me, as if asking her to help me buy lingerie wasn’t suspicious enough. The pair she picked out for me is cute, though. I wonder what it will look like on me.
It’s not like I have anyone to wear it for. Maybe if Grayson hadn’t rejected me, I’d have worn it for him. I can’t help but think of his reaction to me wearing this. Would he be shocked, turned on? I don’t know.
They barely cover anything, but I guess that’s the point. Looks over comfort.
I can’t help but feel deflated over the fact that no one will see them. I could buy it for myself to make myself feel sexy, but that’s not the point of lingerie. It’s to make you feel what it does to the other person. Having their eyes on you like you’re a meal they want to devour, that’s what I want.
And Grayson is reluctant to give it to me. Even though he’s willing to help me with everything else I asked him, this one thing he won’t give me.
“Hey, angel.”
I snap my head up, seeing Grayson Carter leaning against his car door, smirking at me as he finishes off his cigarette and throws the butt end away.
Did I summon him with my thoughts?
Leila and I separated when she went back to her dorm room. Thank God. Because I didn’t really want to explain to her why in the hell Grayson Carter was talking to me and why he just called me angel.
What would I even say? That I practically begged him to sleep with me, and he said no, so now he’s helping me let go of the girl I was raised to be? How would that even go? I’m not embarrassed to be seen with him, but I’m okay with keeping this a secret.
I did a lot of recon on Grayson after the night of the party. I wanted to know everything I could possibly know about him and what he was like. I needed the right person, and Grayson seemed to be that.
And so far, he’s done well. He took me drinking for the first time. I can’t say I was fond of the hangover I got yesterday morning, but knowing I finally let go and was happy for once made it all worth it. I kind of wish Grayson had stayed. I wish I’d woken up with him next to me.
I still remember waking up by his side last Friday night when he shook me awake at four in the morning to watch the sunrise. We slept on the hood of his car after talking mindlessly for hours. Which isn’t the most comfortable place to fall asleep, but I had never been happier than I did at that moment.
I felt a twinge of sadness when he dropped me off at my apartment that same morning. I wanted to spend more time with him, even though we had spent the whole night together, and he took me on my first ‘lesson,’ I wanted more.
I loved the feeling of the adrenaline rush that he gave me when he pressed his foot down and made me fear for my life.
But for one second, when he told me to open my eyes, and I focused on the road blurring past me as he sped up faster and faster, I didn’t care about it. I didn’t care about anything other than that moment. Living in that moment with Grayson by my side, feeling the wind on my skin and the rush of the speed, not knowing what would happen later, just living in that moment.
And when Grayson said he would never hurt me, I believed him. I knew deep inside that he’d never hurt me, and that was the scariest thing. I gave my life up on a platter at the hands of a stranger.
But whenever I spent time with him, he didn’t feel like a stranger. He felt like freedom and liberation. I loved spending time with him, so when I see him outside of my apartment, I can’t help but smile.
“Hey,” I say. “What are you doing here?”
He shrugs. “I figured I’d come look for you but it looks like you’ve been busy.” He smirks, looking down at the bags in my hands.
