Page 24 of Never Have I Ever
“No,” she admits.
“Then how do you know what it’s like, or if it’s even real?”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “Have you ever been in love?” she retorts.
I inhale the cigarette and blow the smoke out the window. “Obviously not.” I almost laugh. “Because it isn’t—”
“Then how doyouknow it’s not real.”
“Because I do. Love isn’t real, angel. Hate to break it to you. There’s attraction, lust, but love is bullshit.”
She shakes her head. “You’re so cynical. What happened for you not to believe in love?”
I shrug, looking away from her. “Don’t really want to talk about it.”
“Oh c’mon.” she says, “It can’t be worse than me coming to your house asking for you to take my virginity.”
I snicker, looking over at her. “That wasn’t so bad,” I tease, loving how her cheeks turn red as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. I sigh, feeling my jaw clench. I don’t feel like talking about this right now, but she’s right. She’s been opening up, might as well give her something. “My parents,” I tell her.
“They don’t love each other?” she asks.
I laugh. “Oh, they do. At least that’s what they say, but underneath, it’s a complete disaster. A whole mess of lies.”
She looks almost worried. The line between her brows is begging me to smooth it out with my thumb, but I don’t want to touch her. She’s too close to me already, and I’m sure I’m not her favorite person right now after admitting that I don’t believe in love.
“Why?” she asks.
I blow out a breath. “My father,” I say. “I don’t know if my mom knows or if they have some sort of arrangement, but he cheats on her. Often.”
“Oh.”
I’ll never forget when I walked in on him and his assistant in his office at work. I was only thirteen, and if my dad hadn’t been screwing around that day, maybe what happened later wouldn’t have happened. Maybe he would have helped me, and it wouldn’t have ended the way it did.
“Yeah, so sue me for not believing in love when the two people I looked up to all my life turn around and cheat.”
She lifts her hand and places it on top of mine. Squeezing it lightly until I look up at her. “I’m sorry that happened,” she says. “But you can’t use one example to reference every other relationship.”
I know that, but my parents aren’t the only ones to cheat, and they won’t be the last. So how could love exist if people could do that to those they claim to love?
She shuffles in her seat, and my eyes drift down to her heels. The sight makes me smile, making me forget for a minute about my parents.
“You look good in heels,” I say, seeing her smile and tuck her hair behind her ear, flushing. She reaches down, takes off her heels, and props her legs onto the dashboard.
I like seeing her comfortable, like she can be whoever she wants to be around me, and I won’t judge her. I love finding out new things about her, her quirks and likes, and what she believes and doesn’t.
Every time we talk, I figure out how different we are. She doesn't know much about me, but I'm letting her in slowly because I want to get to know her. I want to get to know more about her every time we hang out. I wish I knew why, but she captivates me.
My eyes drift from her feet up her legs, seeing her dress raised higher on her thighs from propping her feet up. I tear my eyes away. I shouldn’t look at her legs or how her dress has ridden to the point where I can almost see her panties. Nope.
“Let’s go,” I tell her, opening the car door.
“What? Where?” she asks, dropping her legs and turning to face me.
I get out of the car and lean on the door, looking at her from the window. “Come on, angel. I won’t bite.” I smirk at her. “Unless you ask me to.”
9
Your secret is safe with me
