Page 107 of Never Have I Ever
“Thank God,” I mumble.
He grabs the bottle from my hands. “And I’m taking this with me,” he says, holding it up.
I get up from the couch. “You can’t fucking do that.” Honestly, who does he think he is? He might be a hot shot on campus, but he can’t just take my fucking drink.
“I can if I think you’ll drink yourself to death,” he says.
I scoff. “That’s not going to happen.”
He shakes his head. “Wake the fuck up,” he says. “You drank half a bottle already.” I look at the bottle in his hands, seeing it’s half empty. I drank all that? “What you need is a shower and figure out why you’re really drinking right now.”
He walks away, and I groan, sitting back down on the couch where I slept last night. I reach inside my pocket, take out a cigarette, and light it up. I’m not with Rosie anymore, so I can smoke again any time I want.
I bring it to my lips and… I can’t do it. I can’t smoke because every time I bring it to my mouth, I think of the look on her face when I kissed her. Fuck.
I throw the whole pack in the trash and head into the kitchen. I open the cabinets looking for a drink. I don’t give a fuck what it is as long as it takes some of this pressure from my chest away.
I curse when I can’t find anything. I guess Aiden went through and got rid of everything. Dickhead.
I head upstairs, wanting to get a decent night of sleep. I haven't slept well in days. I can't get into my bed because my sheets smell like her. I can't keep torturing myself by sniffing the remains of her perfume. I’ll never get her out of my mind then.
I rip the sheets off my bed and strip off my clothes, getting in the shower. I lather my body, closing my eyes, remembering her soapy hands running down my body, her soapy tits in my mouth, the way her legs trembled when I ate her out. Fuck.
I snap my eyes open, looking down at where my hand is stroking my cock at the thought of her. What is wrong with me? It’s not like she was my girlfriend. We fucked twice, big deal. I’ve fucked many girls on campus way more than that. Why is this one girl affecting me this way?
I can’t even take a shower without thinking about her. I can’t sleep without being reminded of her soft hands wrapping around my body and her body nestling into me. I can’t smoke without seeing her face wrinkled in disgust. I can’t do anything because of her.
I might have hurt her.
But she fucked me up even more.
36
Step 5: Acceptance
Rosalie
I pull the sheet over my head when I hear the front door close. Leila has been in and out of my apartment ever since Grayson and I broke up.
Technically we didn’t break up because, according to him, we never happened. But we happened. At least to me. He was my first kiss, my first time, my first love. He was my first everything. He showed me how he lived, he showed me freedom, and I loved the version of myself that was happy with him.
I felt like I could be myself with him without feeling like I had to impress anyone. There were no rules, restrictions, or expectations. He took me as I was and made me fall for him.
The last connection I have to Grayson is the bank notification of the money being returned to my account. He’s done with me. He wants nothing to do with me, not even my help. And now here I am in bed on a Friday, heartbroken over a boy who never even loved me.
Not to mention I missed class this whole week. I can't even get out of bed and get in the shower. I can't stop thinking about the time he filled the bath up and took care of me when I was high and delirious. How could he not feel anything for me when he treated me like I was everything?
He completely ruined every other guy for me. How the hell can I find someone who measures up to him and looks at me like he did? How can I find someone who will whisper sweet nothings in my ear and call me angel? How am I supposed to believe that love is real if Grayson did all of that and doesn’t love me?
“Hey,” Leila says, walking into my bedroom.
I groan and ball up under the covers, wanting her to get the message that I don’t need an intervention, or a pep talk, or whatever she’s here for. I just want to wallow in my misery of being a stupid, naïve, inexperienced girl who fell for Grayson even though he warned me not to.
“How are you feeling?” she asks.
I bury my head into the mattress, groaning again.
I feel the bed dip as she sits on the edge. “Listen, Rosie. I’m here for you. Whatever you need, I’m here.”
