Page 85 of Kiss My Glass
Cam grins, and then turns to stare at me – meaningfully, damn him.
“What?” I amnotin the mood.
“Here to take your mom to the hospital,” he says.
Am I supposed to comment?
“Ava’s already there,” he says. “She took Nate and Shelby lunch, so Shel didn’t have to eat hospital food. Bought enough for all of us, including you. If you want to come with us?”
“Sit between you and my mom in the Dodge?” Ava already said no thanks to an offer like this, and I don’t blame her.
“It’s roomy enough,” is Cam’s misguided opinion. “But I guess you have your own car.”
“Nope,” I admit. “Danny borrowed it.”
Cam frowns. “Where’s his car?”
“We’re currently in a very complicated car-location situation!” I say. “Okay?!”
“Okay,” says Cam, and after a beat, “Come with us?”
Jesus. I do want to see Shelby. And right now, there’s no other way for me to get to her. Danny won’t be back for a couple of hours.
I huff out a breath. “Alright,” I say. “But I am not sitting in the middle!”
Dumb decision because, of course, that means Mom’s right next to Cam. And I can’t enjoy the scenery out the window because I’m paranoid that as soon as I turn my head, she’ll put her hand on his knee. I stare fixedly at the two of them, frowning like an Angry Bird.
Eventually, Mom turns, and with a small smile, says, “Frankie, dear, I feel like a beetle being scorched under a magnifying glass.”
I mutter something that could be taken as an apology and begin to stare fixedly out the window instead. After a minute or so, I hear strange, muffled snuffling sounds. I turn to see and … oh, shit … Mom iscrying.
Cam notices at the same time, and his eyes widen. “Want me to pull over?” he says to her.
Mom shakes her head and starts wiping her face with her hands. I fetch tissues from my bag, and Mom takes them with a little half-laugh, half-sob. Cam’s eyes are flitting anxiously between Mom and the road, and I’m staring with my mouth open. I do not recall the last time I saw my mom cry. She always appears so goddam serene!
Mom blows her nose, sob-laughs again. “It’s nothing, I’m being foolish,” she says. “Ignore me.”
“You never cry,” I say. “So, there must be somethingwrong.”
Mom looks down at the damp, shredded mess of tissue in her hands. Her long red hair hides her face.
“I’m so tired of feeling like a failure,” she says. “I try my best, but I can’t seem ever to be present when I’m really needed. Physically…” She hesitates. “And emotionally, too.”
“Lee—” Cam begins, but Mom cuts him off.
“No, don’tdefend me,” she says, with unusual heat. “Because what you’re about to say isn’t true. I was never trulythere for you, even when I appeared to be. Half my mind was always elsewhere, either occupied with the thousand other tasks I had still to do, or away in some neverland of my own imagination. You thought I gave you all my attention and I gave you barely any of it. I listened enough to make the right noises in return. I made it as easy for myself as I could.”
Cam looks genuinely shocked, but before he can respond, Mom turns to me. “Frankie, that’s why I was such a terrible mother to you. I couldn’t give you the time and energy you needed, because I simply didn’t have it. From the moment you were born, I was exhausted. Worse, I resented the fact that you weren’t as easy as your brothers and sister, and I don’t think I did a good job of hiding that at all.”
Tears are falling freely down her cheeks, but she doesn’t seem to notice. She reaches out and cups my face.
“You poor little thing,” she says. “You deserved so much better, and I am so,sosorry.”
I can’t breathe. No, really, I cannot breathe. My chest is too tight, and I can’t get air.
We’re shaken around as the Dodge bumps to a sudden stop on the grassy verge. Cam leans across Mom.
“Frankie, do what I say. Raise up your arms.”
