Page 45 of Reputation
The trees surrounding their property were ablaze with color.Shining hues of bright reds, oranges, and yellows danced in the breeze of the canopy above, making it look like they drove through a ring of fire.
On either side of the drive were large fields, one that had already been harvested for the season, the other holding dozens of cows scattered about, grazing and napping.At the end of the driveway, the trees parted to reveal a sprawling, two-story picturesque farmhouse with white horizontal siding and large windows flanked by dark green shutters.Behind the farmhouse sat a fenced-in pasture and two large red buildings, almost matching in their design.One was the main barn, which housed all their dairy cows, field equipment, and other machinery.The second was the stables where the horses were kept.
As Eric pulled the car around to the back of the house, Eavie breathed in the fresh country air, the feeling of being home calming her scattered emotions.
Eavie stood at her mom’s kitchen island, the soothing rhythm of making her famous pumpkin tarts for tomorrow’s family dinner adding to the serenity she had found from the moment she’d stepped out of the car.Beside her, her mom was going through the mechanical motions of kneading dough.
Marie Adams looked amazing for her age.Her straight, dark brown hair was cut just above her shoulders.She had only a few wrinkles on her face, with lines that appeared around her eyes when she smiled.Her eyes were the same piercing blue as her children’s, and she always smelled like freshly baked bread.
Bright autumn sunlight filtered into the kitchen, which was large and modern, with white cabinets and marble counters they’d had installed a few years ago.A large farmhouse sink sat below a window overlooking the backyard and out over the horse pastures, and her mom’s eight-burner gas range stove dominated the center of one wall.To the left was a door leading to a pantry that contained every ingredient you could think of.
They had been working in silence for some time, the only sounds coming from the mixer kneading dough and her mom’s soft, low humming.Eavie caught the tune of Frankie Valli’sCan’t Take My Eyes Off Of Youand sang along in her head.
In the background, she could hear her dad and brother chatting in the living room, the sounds of a Saturday afternoon hockey game filtering between their conversation.If she was right, it was the Florida-Boston game, both of whom were major divisional competition for the Royals.
Eavie was calculating the implications of the results of the game as she spooned filling into the mini pastry cups when her mom finally broke the silence.
Mid-fold of the bread she was making, her mom glanced up and said, “So, do you want to talk about the guy you’re thinking about?”
Looking up from filling the pastries, Eavie blinked at her mother.She hadn’t even realized she’d been thinking about Jax, but her mind had wandered while she went through the motions of baking—the song causing all her thoughts to center around him without meaning to.
Sighing, she said, “Sometimes being a close family is exhausting.Eric did the same thing to me in the car.”
Her mom’s only response was a small laugh as she continued to fold her dough.Most people didn’t understand her relationship with her mom, but they had always been close.Talking about boys was something she’d done with her for as long as she could remember.
“There isn’t much to talk about,” she began, shaking her head.“I met a guy one night at a bar while I was out with Joyce, and we…I don’t know.”She shook her head, trying to find a PG version of what went on that night.She may be close with her mom, but she wasn’tthatclose.“Connected, I guess.I don’t really know how to describe it.Honestly, I’ve never felt anything like it.But it turned out he plays for the Royals.”
Her mom stayed silent, listening and folding, as always, when her children needed to talk about something.She had a unique ability to know when they needed someone to listen and when they needed advice.
“The other problem is, he feels it too and has not been shy about asking me out.He’s tried several times, despite my saying no, which…like it’s the complete opposite of how he was when I met him?”She said it like a question, still trying to wrap her head around it.“Does that make any sense?The insane part is, as I spend time with him, I’ve started to feel that there’s more to him, and I’m finding it harder and harder to stay away.”
As she spoke, she focused on her tarts, using the task to help her navigate her jumbled thoughts.She placed little leaf-shaped pieces of pastry on top of the pumpkin filling, creating an intricate wreath around the edges.She placed each one with infinite care, focusing on them while considering her relationship with Jax.
Her mom was quiet for a minute.When Eavie didn’t continue, her mom stopped kneading.“Do you want to stay away?”she asked point blank.
Straight to the point then, she thought.Sighing, Eavie looked at her mom, rolling her lips between her teeth.
“No, I don’t,” she answered, a wistful smile tugging at her lips.“Mom,” she said, tilting her head back and bending her knees dramatically, “he can be so charming and funny, and he’s sohandsome.But then he…Ugh!He’s just…god, so frustrating!I’m drawn to him.Every time we walk into the same room, our eyes connect, and there is thisthingbetween us.There is something about him, and it’s so hard to resist.”She looked back at her mom.Before she continued, the smile dropped from her lips.“But, I can’t date him.I have a shot to carve out my place and have a long career with the Royals.I’m not willing to give that up for a man.”
Her mom nodded thoughtfully.“I get it, Sweetie.You’ve always been so driven and focused.The moment you decided on something, there was no changing your mind.”She paused what she was doing and wiped her hands on her apron before coming around to where Eavie stood.She placed one hand on either of Eavie’s cheeks as she continued.“You are my brilliant, beautiful girl, but one thing you’ve never been is a risk taker.You follow your dreams, but you take the path of most certainty.”
Twice in two days, she thought indignantly.After hearing her mother reiterate the ideas that Joyce had stirred last night, she wondered if that was why she’d never felt like she’d lived up to her own potential, instead stumbling down the path that was the more certain, the most safe.
“Is there something wrong with being sure about your choices?Knowing the decision you make is a good one because you’ve thought it through?”Eavie asked, frowning.
“Of course not,” her mom said, sincerity shining in her eyes.“But sometimes, you have to take a risk to be happy.”
“I love my life,” she said defensively.“I have a great career and amazing friends.I have a wonderful life.”Eavie turned her frown toward her tarts.
The kitchen was silent for a heartbeat.The only sounds were the ticking of the old Kit-Cat clock on the wall and the whirring of her mom’s mixer.
Finally, her mom asked, “But are you happy?”
That single question made her pause.Was she happy?
She loved her job and her friends.She was freakishly close to her family.She had a great apartment in the middle of downtown in a city she loved.Her closet was full of the latest fashions, and she had a shoe collection other women would envy.She was intelligent, strong, and, yes, beautiful.She had everything she wanted, way more than most people had.
Butwasshe happy?Maybe that was what she’d felt recently, a hole in her life only a partner would fill.
