Page 111 of Reputation
Eavie
Eight days.
It had been eight days since the last night she’d slept with Jax.Eight long days and seven torturous nights, and with each one that passed, the ache in Eavie’s chest grew sharper, the edges biting into the muscle until some days she thought she wouldn’t be able to breathe.
She had tried everything she could to relax enough to get some sleep.She did yoga, took hot lavender baths, got a massage, got her nails done, and meditated.
When none of those things worked, Eavie tried letting the anger out.She channeled all her heartbreak and rage into her workouts.She took her rage out on the punching bag at the kickboxing gym until her knuckles turned purple.And still, she hadn’t been able to get rid of the ache that had made a permanent home in her heart.
It didn’t help that she saw him every day—could feel him watching her from the distance she managed to keep between them.Even when he wasn’t around, her phone was vibrating with calls and texts from him, all going unanswered.She couldn’t open that dam.
With that distance, she could stay detached and keep her emotional mask in place as long as she didn’t let him come too close to her.She knew if he did, she would break down.Eavie had avoided coming within ten feet of him over the past week, only seeing him in meetings or at games, and always from a safe distance.
The gossip had died down when it became clear there would be no big lovers’ spat for everyone to witness.People had lost interest quickly when Eavie continued to show no emotion toward it, denying any plausibility.Fortunately, no one could see what was on the inside, and none of them knew she felt bone-deep exhaustion from keeping herself whole for those few hours.
Her days were filled with pretending to be okay.She went home drained every evening, but her nights gave her no reprieve.She couldn’t get her mind to shut off when she lay in her bed staring at the ceiling.All it wanted to do was think about him, about the last time he had been with her.
Sleep was proving impossible with those thoughts playing over and over in her mind.She’d had to resort to using her thick foundation to cover the dark circles that had etched themselves under her eyes.Eavie hadn’t worn her hair down either since that day but kept it secured in a tight bun, as if a single loose strand would be the start of the dam breaking.
She also had next to no appetite, which she had to work very hard to cover from the watchful eyes of her friends.Mandy knew the truth, and so did Molly.She had told them right after leaving Sam’s office and trusted them to keep what really happened to themselves, not that it mattered anymore.
Joyce’s unease was also evident when she expressed her concerns.“Vie,” Joyce said one night after kickboxing.“I’m worried about you.Are you getting enough calories to balance all this activity you’ve been doing?”
“Yes, I’m fine.I promise,” Eavie said, not looking at her as she gathered her gym bag.
“Look, I know you’re still working through what happened, and I totally get it.But you’re just looking a little…thin.”
Eavie glanced down at herself in her pink workout set.“What are you talking about?I’m fine.I’m eating plenty, I promise.Work has just been busy, so I’m not eating as well as I normally do,” she lied.
The truth was, she just wasn’t hungry.She’d been running on coffee and determination these past few days, only eating lunch because Mandy ate with her, but every bite she took had to be forced down.
She wasn’t doing it on purpose.She had always enjoyed food and had a healthy appetite.She just hadn’t been able to muster one up since the day her heart had been shattered.
When she returned home that night, she approached her bathroom mirror and studied her appearance.Joyce was right, she had lost weight.Her face was sunken and highlighted by the dark circles under her eyes.Her arms were thin, and her stomach had lost its toned muscle.Where there had been an outline of her abs now looked hollow.Staring at her reflection, Eavie became angry with herself for letting what happened with Jax have such an impact on her.
Initially, he had tried so hard to track her down, but she’d skillfully managed to avoid him.She knew he was looking for her because Mandy or Molly would run interference, letting her know when he came by her office.If he did manage to catch her when she was there, she was lucky enough to be on the phone and would wave him directly into Sam’s office.
Every time she saw Jax, the raw, ragged wound in her heart was ripped open.It was his eyes—the way they looked at her caused an instant mix of hope and pain.
Arriving home from work on the eighth day, Eavie stood in her living room, wondering what to do with herself.There was no kickboxing tonight, and she was too restless to read or watch TV.
As she turned in a circle, considering her options, she saw her kitchen island sparkling white and clean under the lights.She had avoided thinking about it, determined that she would be fine.She refused to believe her briefaffairwith Jax would cause her enough heartbreak to deem it necessary.But as she stood staring at it, she felt an overwhelming need to do the one thing she knew would make her feel better.
Sighing, Eavie exchanged her work dress for leggings and an oversized t-shirt, grabbed her apron from the cupboard and started pulling out ingredients for her mom’s fudge brownies.
Growing up, whenever Eavie was sad, stressed or heartbroken, her mom would drag her into the kitchen and force her to help make brownies.They would then sit at the table and eat as many as they wanted.As she got older, Eavie realized the magic of the brownies had more to do with talking to her mom than the actual treat itself, but the sugary dessert remained a sort of placebo in her life ever since.
She got to work measuring the flour, sugar, and cocoa, preheating the oven, and beating eggs and butter together.The familiar movements and calming rhythm of baking soothed her frayed edges, and soon, Eavie felt her shoulders relax as she let the comforting task dull the pain.
Her phone rang as she was sifting the flour and cocoa powder together.On the screen, a photo of her brother’s goofy face stared back at her.Smiling, she reached over with her least flour-covered finger and pressed the speaker button.
“Hey!”she said, hearing the lightness in her voice.Just seeing Eric’s name made her feel better, not knowing until that moment how much she needed to talk to him.
“Hey, baby sis,” Eric teased, knowing full well he was all of two minutes older than she was.“You sound like you’re doing a little better.Joyce’s messages had me worried.”
Shaking her head, Eavie rolled her eyes.“I’m sure she was exaggerating.I’m fine,” she said, even though it sounded false even to her ears.
“Liar,” he retorted.“You know you can’t lie to me.I know you’re not fine.”
