Page 41 of Reputation
When she finished, Joyce stared at her for a beat.“Damn,” she said finally, reaching for the wine bottle and pouring them each another glass before sitting back against the cushions, mirroring Eavie.
“I know,” said Eavie, bringing the pillow on her lap to her face.She groaned before dropping it.
“What are you going to do?”Joyce asked, brows raised in question.
“Fuck if I know,” Eavie groaned, taking a big gulp of wine.Swallowing, she shook her head.“The worst part is, in the end, it doesn’t matter.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, it’s not like him being different from what I expected changes our situation.And even if there was no risk to my career—which, I want to remind you, there is—I can’t let myself go down that road again,” she said sadly, looking down at the carpet under the coffee table.
Joyce sat there with a slight frown, studying her wine.At the lengthened silence, Eavie looked up, concerned about her normally outspoken friend’s quiescence.
“Can I say something you might not like to hear?”Joyce asked.
Wow, this must be serious.Joyce was never one to shy away from giving her opinion.
“When has saying no ever stopped you” Eavie answered, trying to hide her nerves.
Joyce rolled her eyes.“You know I love you, but sometimes you have a tendency to look for all the reasons not to do something, instead of just waiting to see what happens.”The words were spoken softly as if she were talking to a scared animal, but Eavie felt the sting of it anyway.“Maybe,” she continued, “you need to set the feelings free.Let life happen the way it’s supposed to.”
“Are you trying to say that Jax issupposedto happen to me?Like some pre-ordained destiny?”
Joyce laughed.“No,” she said, eyes dancing with humor.“All I’m saying is that sometimes I worry that you’ve surrounded your heart under such a thick wall of ice that you can’t see when something is right.”Eavie opened her mouth to argue, but Joyce held up her hand, stopping her.“Look, I know what you’re going to say, and I get it, babe.What Derek did and said to you would scar anyone.”She reached out and clasped Eavie’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.“And don’t think I’m not aware about exactly what you’ve been trying to prove all these years.”
Shock stung her, causing her to draw back slightly.“What do you mean?”she asked.
“Babe, from the day I met you, I could see every decision you made was to prove him wrong, but I’m not sure you even realize how cold and calculating it’s made your life.”
“That’s not true,” Eavie protested.
As the words came out, they felt more like a reflex.Considering Joyce’s words, she realized she was right.She’d become so focused on how every move she made would be perceived, so focused on protecting her reputation, that she’d forced her heart into silence.And after all these years, Jax had awoken it.
Joyce gave her a sympathetic smile as awareness coated her stomach.“I’m not saying you don’t have good reason to be careful.Some things that happen to us shape us in irreversible ways.It would be easy for people to think your beauty is all there is to you,” Joyce said, still holding her hand comfortingly.“And even easier forsometo assume you only took the job because you had your sights set on being Mrs.Hockey Wife.That’s probably the reason for the policy they made you sign.”She laughed, trying to lighten the mood.
Eavie’s lips lifted at the corners.“Actually, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly why,” she said, shaking her head.
“But you said so yourself—you can’t explain what you feel around him.Maybe you’re not supposed to.Maybe…” she paused, giving Eavie a wicked look, “You’re supposed to let your body guide you.For once, don’t think, just feel.If that means it guides you to get underJax Morghan, you should let it,” she finished, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Oh my god,” Eavie said as she burst out laughing.“Where do you come up with this?”
Joyce held up a hand to the side, a self-satisfied smirk on her lips, “It’s a talent.”
Eavie dropped her face into her hands.A sound crossed between a groan and a whimper puffed out between her lips.Her mind twisted and contorted like a circus performer, as she tried to sort through everything Joyce had said.Sitting up, she chewed on her bottom lip, unsure of what to say.
Joyce looked at her with a small smile, apparently taking pity on her.“All jokes aside, what I mean is try to let your heart have a say sometimes.”
Eavie nodded, unsure how she felt about the revelation.Joyce was her best friend, the one person outside her brother who truly knew her.She knew she said it out of love.Eavie had buried the hurt and devastation all those years ago, but somehow, it had leaked, spreading to her heart like a poison in the earth and unwittingly influencing how she lived her life.
“Or maybe,” Joyce said, flashing a cheeky grin as she picked up her wine.“You need a distraction.Has the guy Elizabeth told you about called?”
“No, not yet.But who knows, maybe she hasn’t seen him,” Eavie said with a shrug.
“Will you go out with him if he does?”
Eavie turned her head, staring out her living room window.She could see the multicolored lights of the city beyond, creating a sparkling landscape in the dark sky.On nights like this, she would often stare out the window, enjoying seeing the life that thrived around her.It made her feel like she was a part of something.Now, the sight made her wonder about her life.She’d never felt like someone who needed a man to feel complete, but suddenly, her life felt empty, as if, perhaps, having someone to share it with would fill that empty space.
Finally, she looked back at Joyce, a small smile tugging at her mouth.“Maybe you’re right.Perhaps a distraction would help, and someone to focus my energy on.So, yes, I think if Austin calls, I’ll go out with him.”
