Page 103 of Reputation
Her heart went out to him as the full weight of what he carried settled in her chest.Eavie knew him well enough to know that he took his responsibilities seriously, that he carried the role of captain and mentor with integrity and determination.It also meant he carried the burden of every mistake, every year without a championship on his shoulders, too.
She wished more than anything she could help carry it for him.She wanted him to see that it didn’t matter what they said in the media—that hewasan incredible player.But more importantly, he was a kind, caring person.
She closed the distance between them, her feet padding lightly across the floor as she rounded the huge u-shaped couch.“They’re wrong,” Eavie told him, all the conviction she felt about its truthfulness emphasizing her belief in them.
Jax laughed bitterly, shaking his head.Frowning, she bent down to tug the remote out of his hand.Lifting it, she turned the TV off, wanting to erase their presence from what had been a perfect Sunday.
Placing it on the coffee table, she sat down next to him.“Talk to me,” she pleaded, reaching out and drawing her fingers through his hair.“You don’t have to carry this alone anymore.”She whispered the words, but she knew he’d heard her.Jax turned his head, looking into her eyes as she did the same.When he remained silent, she added, “This is why you wear the mask.This is what you’re hiding from the world, what you only let your team and family see.”
Shifting closer, she ran her hand up and down his arm, the movement meant to soothe.Beneath, she could feel the tension in his muscles, the strain as he fought his own demons.Resting her cheek on his shoulder, she waited, hoping he could feel her support.Hoping he would accept it and let her in.
“Winning a championship is all I’ve ever dreamed of,” he began after several minutes of silence.She continued rubbing his arm, letting him work through his thoughts.“I thought that would happen in Chicago.We came close two years in a row, but then we had some injuries and some trades, and before we ever got the chance, we ended up transitioning into rebuilding.”
Eavie nodded, understanding how hard it is for players who remain on the team.It’s basically management telling them that they are writing the current group off, and it’s the faceless players in a few years that they’ve decided to focus on.
“I had a choice to make.Stay and try to be part of that team, or shift that dream elsewhere.I was twenty-eight when this happened.Old…” he laughed.As harsh as it was, he was right.After signing an extension, Jax was well into his veteran stage by the time he became a free agent.“I didn’t think I had the time left in my career to wait for the team to rebuild.I had grown up dreaming of playing in Toronto, so when they showed interest in signing me, I decided to take it.”
Jax blew out a harsh breath, his shoulder moving beneath her head.He turned then, brushing his lips against her forehead as he breathed deeply.A part of her warmed at the idea that her being near helped comfort him—at least, she hoped it did.
“Everyone knows what they paid for me, the years they signed me for, and I know I’m a good player, but hearing them compare my accomplishments to that value,” he said as he shook his head.“That’s hard to take.The shitty part is, I am getting older, and I don’t have the same stamina I used to.”
He was quiet again, but she still felt his lips against her hair.She wanted to argue, but it was impossible for her to know how he felt, what kind of condition his body was in.The sport put a lot of strain on them, aging them faster.
“I feel it,” Jax continued after a minute.“My body doesn’t recover like it used to.That, and the pressure to perform.I feel every mistake, every loss.It’s my job to lead this team.And I worry—” He sucked in another breath.This time, she raised her head, looking into his eyes.“I worry I won’t be able to do it.Sometimes I think maybe they’re right,” he said, nodding toward the TV.
Eavie frowned, hating that he believed them.“They’re not,” she said firmly.He gave her a look that bespoke his doubt.Her hands tightened on his arm as she looked fiercely at him.“You are a great player.I’ve seen you, Jax.I’ve watched you practice, listened to you in meetings, and seen almost all of your games.You are an amazing player, but you’re not the only player.You have a team.The only way you can win is together.”She said the words with as much conviction as possible, but she could tell he didn’t believe her.
She wished there was something she could say, something to get him to listen and believe.Glancing behind him to look out the window, a thought came to her.It was something she’d never shared with anyone and would be another piece of herself she would risk by giving to him.But maybe he would then see what she did.
“I know how it feels,” Eavie said finally.She felt him turn to look at her, confused, but she fixed her gaze on a glass high-rise across the street.“I know what it’s like to feel like you haven’t lived up to your potential.”
He shifted then, separating them as he turned to face her completely.Gently, she felt his hands cup her cheeks, pulling her face back to him.Confusion and concern marred his features as he looked at her.
She took a deep breath and did her best to explain that she understood.“Growing up, I was never great at any one thing, not like my brother.I love Eric and have never once begrudged him for his success, but I’ve always felt like…I’ve never lived up to that—like I wasn’t remarkable.”Her mouth twisted as she tried to find the words to explain.“My teachers always told me I was smart and that I could do anything, but I never found that one thing I was passionate about.After university, I felt like I had just sort of stumbled into my career, and while I love it,” Eavie said with a half smile, “I feel like I should have done more, should have had a more high-powered career like my brother.”
Her fingers twisted in her lap, nervous about what he would think of her now.Would he think she was right?Would he say she was wrong?She found his answer to those questions mattered to her.
“That’s why this job is so important to me—why Ineedto get the permanent offer.When I began this career path, I decided that if I wasn’t going to be like my brother, I would at least be the best at what I did.That I would earn every position and promotion, that I would get them because I was smart and hard-working and not because I was…” Her eyes lowered.“Beautiful.”The word came out in a whisper aimed at the couch cushions.
She squeezed her eyes shut, holding back tears as each lungful of air she pulled in was laced with the scent of citrus and musk.The combination calmed her, helping her to push the tears away.
Opening her eyes, Eavie looked into his as she spoke again.“So, believe me when I say I understand.But believe me, as someone who does,youare amazing and so lucky to have found something you are so passionate about.That’s all that matters in the end.And I believe you can lead this team to win the championship.But you don’t have to do it alone.”
Something in his eyes changed as she spoke, a shift she could barely see.His hand grazed her cheek as he leaned forward.Brushing his lips against hers, he whispered, “Thank you.”
Hearing the relief and maybe a little agreement, she smiled at those two simple words.Before she could do anything else, Jax pulled back abruptly, making her look up at him in surprise.
“Now it’s your turn to listen to me, Cinderella,” Jax said seriously.“You are remarkable.”He said each word clearly and with so much force that her heart thudded in her chest.“You are so smart and kind.You have a fire in you that’s as rare and bright as a natural blue rose.”He smiled as if remembering a distant memory.“You have a wicked mind for games, and I’ve learned a competitive streak to match.You have a sharp intelligence and an impressive understanding of hockey that rivals even mine.You can analyze the business side of the sport as well as any executive.I’m also pretty sure you could kick my ass if you wanted to.You cook the most amazing grilled cheese I have ever tasted.And your smile…” He shook his head, eyes dropping to her lips.“The stars pale in the sky in comparison to its brightness.Your laugh held me under a spell from the first moment I heard it.You, baby, are the farthest thing from unremarkable, and I am incredibly lucky that you’ve shared even a fraction of your light with me.”
Tears, unchecked, spilled out of her eyes now.The drops fell down her cheeks and onto his hands.She drew in a shaky breath as his words washed over her.
For the first time in her life, Eavie felt like someone saw her.The sincerity and understanding on his face made her chest tighten.He made her feelbeautiful,but not because of her looks.No, he made who she was on the inside feel beautiful—like she was enough.
She had no words.Couldn’t come up with a single thing to say to capture how he made her feel.Unable to think of a response, Eavie did the only thing she could to convey everything she felt.She tilted forward, capturing his lips with hers as she poured every ounce of her emotions into that kiss.
Jax gripped the back of her head, pulling her close as he took over, matching her passion with a storm of his own.In the last twenty-four hours, they had jumped off a cliff together and into the unknown.
She climbed onto his lap, settling herself across his legs.Her hands rested against his chest as he pulled her closer.Her fingers turned to claws, desperate to grasp any part of him.His tongue plundered her mouth in long, powerful strokes that had her shuddering, her body quaking with the intense emotions flowing between them.
