Page 189 of Taeja

“What about you, Zain? What about Damon? What about me? Don’t you deserve to live a good life for us, too?”

“Yeah,” he said. “But Twenty and Jollof need me, too. They were my family when I felt like I had no one. I have to do this for them, just like I would for you and my brother.”

Taeja lay on his chest. She sniffled before wetness seeped into Zain’s shirt, making himstiffen. “I don’t want you to die…”

He sighed, placing a long kiss on her forehead. “I don’t plan on dying. But I swore an oath to protect my people. Twenty and Jollof went through hell under my watch, and it’s my duty to ensure they never go through it again. Especially now.”

“H-huh?” she asked, hiccupping.

“Dijonae is pregnant.”

“What?” she asked, snapping up to look at him. Tears streamed down her face, and he wanted to reach over and wipe them away, but she needed this.

Zain nodded. “She wanted to surprise Twenty when she started showing, but he told her he’s getting deployed. Something bad’s gonna happen, we can all feel it, and Twenty doesn’t want his child to grow up without a father. He told Dijonae to get an abortion.”

Taeja gasped. “This is so messed up. Mi hate this. Why yu join the stupid Federation, Zain?!” she yelled, punching his chest.

Zain grabbed her hands by the wrists, trapping them before her. “I was young and searching for somewhere I felt like I belonged.”

“You belong with me.”

“If I met you sooner.”

“You’d be in prison.”

Zain’s eyes narrowed as he released her hands. “Did you have to say that?”

“What? I’m not lying.”

“I know,” he said, brushing away a strand of hair that loosened from her braid and hung above her forehead. “I leave next month, and I need you to be strong for yourself and my brother. Especially him.”

“You’re not telling him?”

“No,” Zain said. “I know that look. Don’t start.”

Taeja shook her head. “You can’t ask me to do this. I can keep quiet about Liza, but not this. Suppose you…” She started sobbing.

“I don’t plan on dying. I have to live so I can give you the love you deserve,” Zain said, trying to comfort her, but it wasn’t working. His jaw clenched as he pulled her to his chest, holding her close as she sobbed and begged him not to leave. Heawkwardly patted her back until she calmed down minutes later. “I’m doing this for my people, Taeja,” he said, trying not to cringe at how soft he sounded. “Just like I’d do anything for you and Damon. You have to understand. They won’t have anyone, but you’ll have each other—”

“Mi nuh care. Tell him, Zain. Or I will.”

Zain pursed his lips, deciding it was best not to argue with her when she made up her mind. He directed the conversation elsewhere. “Let’s go inside.”

She shook her head. “I’m not ready. I want to hold you like it’s the last time.”

“Stop talking like that.”

“When you stop talking like yaa plan fi dead leff mi.”

“Did you not hear me say I want to live for you?”

“Should’ve started with that, cause right now pay bad feeling a tek mi.”

He sighed, shuffling into a more comfortable position. Rubbing her small, round ass, he looked at the roof. They remained quiet for a while, and Zain used the time to think.

Zain didn’t want to put Taeja in a sticky position, but he didn’t want his brother stressing over him to the point he stopped eating again. After Zain came off tour, their mother told him Damon would always struggle to eat whenever he got deployed. Things would be worse this time around.

But he also wanted Twenty and Jollof to be far away from The Federation as soon as possible. He’d do anything to get them free. Dijonae shouldn’t have to get an abortion because Owen thought it best she save herself from the struggle of raising a child on her own. Nwabisa was the baby of the squad. He wanted her to experience all life had to offer.

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