Page 49 of Song Bird Hearts
The three men exchange glances. No one argues.
“I mean it,” I repeat. “Don’t be heroes. Be here. I need that more.”
Wolf is the one to speak first. “I’m not sure you understand what it is we’re going up against, little star.”
“I do,” I reply. “And I’m still standing here. It changes nothing. No one else dies.”
The loudest honking screech I’ve ever heard interrupts the moment so thoroughly, it makes us all duck like we’re being shot at. I turn, and burst out laughing when I realize where, and what, it came from.
Goosey, White Stag’s resident African Goose and general troublemaker, has latched on violently to Knox’s pant leg. The goose is the size of a toddler, bulky and determined, as she holds on despite Knox’s jerk of surprise. Her wings flap indignantly as she tries to cling to his jeans with nothing but beak and determination, completely unfazed by his death glare.
“What the hell is this thing doin’?” Knox grunts, trying to shake her loose.
“That’s Goosey,” I wheeze between laughs. “She doesn’t like many people.”
“I think she likes you,” Gilden laughs, watching with abject amusement. “Seems like she’s very fond actually.”
“He must be her type,” I goad, grinning from ear to ear. “And geese mate for life, so enjoy the ride.”
Goosey honks loudly and nestles closer to Knox who stares down at her in horror. “I can’t have a fuckin’ goose thinkin’ we’re an item.”
Gilden is bent over, laughing so hard he has to brace on his knees. Even Wolf cracks a smile. There’s nothing like watching a large goose fall in love with someone she most definitely shouldn’t fall in love with to really bring the laughter out.
I’m smiling too, but not as bright as I would have before. The weight of what I have to do next settles heavy on my chest. We’d decided a livestream is best, that it makes it all come full circle for me to challenge them that way. I’m going to go live and call out the Foundation by name. A “here I am, come and take me” type moment that could get me killed, or worse, someone I care about.
When I don’t say anything, the tension craws back in with the silence.
Knox, still with a goose attached to his leg, catches me looking at him. His gaze holds mine, long and taut. Like something is always about to snap between us. Despite the situation, despite the moment of laughter, looking at Knox is like being on parallel sinking ships. Neither one of is willing to jump off and swim. Only one of us is willing to scoop buckets of water to keep from sinking.
“I still think this is a terrible idea,” he says after a moment. “We could go with my idea?—”
“You know the thing about butterfly wings and grizzly bear jaws, Knox?” I ask, staring at him. He clamps his mouth shut, understanding he doesn’t need to reply for me to answer. “Both are successful tools for survival. There’s no single, correct way to survive, but there is some knowledge in the fact that both give freedom. The butterfly still flies. The grizzly bear eats.” I tilt up my chin. “So your plan may let me live for a while, but if it clips my wings or closes my jaws, is it really living? If I can’t eat and I can’t fly?”
He stares at me, and in his eyes, some emotion I can’t name immediately flickers. Acceptance maybe. Not of his feelings, but. . . of me dying. I can read that there. He thinks I’m going to die. And that’s okay. I’ll die as Valerie Decatur, the woman my mama raised to be hellfire and honey all in one. I won’t die a ghost of her.
“You should go get ready,” he says, his voice rough. “If you’re still doin’ the livestream.”
He doesn’t know that I see that knowledge there, assumes I’m too blind to see it. That’s okay, too. I’ve got eyes for the both of us.
“Yeah,” I whisper.
It’s too much. The look in his eyes. Goosey still quietly honking at his side. The entire world crashing down around my childhood home. My town preparing for war at my side.
I turn and walk away before Knox can say anything else, my boots crunching over the gravel as I walk away. My body is still a little too tense as I can feel his eyes burning holes into my back.
Behind me, Goosey honks again, and it grinds my gears that the bitch gets to hold him.
I’d giveanythingto be in her place right now.
Chapter24
Valerie
The sun is beginning to dip behind the tree line, casting long golden beams across the yard. Inside the main house, the room I had once used as a playroom has been converted into a makeshift broadcast studio. Ring lights, microphones, and even a backup generator outside the window just in case the mountains decided to fuck with the power are all set up.
The screen in front of me shows the countdown timer—Wolf’s idea. It’s been building hype to make sure as many people are watching by the time we select the button. Right now, it reads 00:14:22. Less than fifteen minutes until I go live.
My hands are shaking a little, so I force myself to go outside on the porch to get one last breath of fresh air before I challenge an organization that can easily kill me if I get too careless.
