Page 29 of A Very Grumpy Navy SEAL

I curse, starting to pace.I try to keep my breathing steady.The silence between us stretches, heavier than anything I’ve ever carried in my rucksack.

“What the hell am I supposed to do now?”I mutter, mostly to myself.

Lula doesn’t answer.She stands and grabs her laptop.“I need to fill out some more paperwork for the job,” she says softly.“They want it all back today so I can start on Monday.”

I nod, stepping back to give her space.

“I should…” She glances toward the door, hesitating.“The hotel fixed the lock.I think I’m gonna work over in my room for a bit.I just…need some space to think.”

The words hit harder than a sniper round, but I nod again because what else can I do?“Yeah.Okay.I get it.”

Lula hesitates in the doorway, her hand on the knob, and when she looks back at me, her eyes are glassy.She opens her mouth to say something, then snaps it closed.

And then she’s gone.

I stand in the middle of the room for a full minute, staring at the door like it’s going to swing open again.

It doesn’t.

I sit on the edge of the bed and press the heels of my hands to my eyes.I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.I’ve never not had a plan.Even in the middle of a firefight, I know the protocol, the fallback options, the rules of engagement.

But this?This isn’t combat.This is my heart.And I’m flailing.

Who would I call for advice in any other situation?

Without letting myself overthink it, I grab my phone and scroll until I hit Ledger’s name.

He answers on the third ring.“Hey, man.Everything okay?”

“No,” I admit.“Not really.”

“What happened?”

I exhale hard.“I think I screwed everything up.”

“With Lula?”

“Yeah.And no.I don’t know.”

There’s a pause.Then Ledger says, “Start from the beginning.”

So, I do.

I tell him about the conversation.About what she wants.About what I want.About how those things don’t seem to match up.I tell him about the way she looked when she walked out.Like she was trying not to cry.Like she was trying not to hope too hard.

“She says she doesn’t want to live on base.And I get it.I do.But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.The military has been everything for me.It’s the first place I ever belonged.”

“Is it still?”he asks.

“What?”

“Is it still everything to you?Or was it, until now?”

I fall silent, staring at the carpet beneath my feet.

“Look,” Ledger continues, “I know what the military has given you.Hell, I’ve been right there with you through most of it.But you’re allowed to change your mind, Koa.You’re allowed to grow.”

“I made commitments,” I say, jaw tight.

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