Page 83 of Beautiful Scars: Unshakeable

But there's one place...

I hurry to the bathroom, my heart pounding against my ribs. My menstrual cup sits in its little cloth bag under the sink. I've barely used it since coming here, preferring the tampons Jade bought me. My hands tremble as I wash it and the tracker. Thedevice is small enough to fit, a little smaller than a poker chip. I slide it inside the flexible silicone, take a deep breath, and insert both.

I don't really think it will work.

The only reason I'm doing it is because I can't bear the thought of them finding nothing. No evidence or sign that I cared enough to try. The idea of them knowing that I just gave up completely and none of this meant anything to me—that's worse than anything Garrett could do to me.

At the desk, I pull out a sheet of sketch paper and a pen.

The words come easier than I expected:

I know this is going to hurt both of you, and I'm sorry for that. I know you'll try to find me and I hope you can do it. I did my best to make it as easy for you as I could.

But if for some reason you can't, or you're too late, know that deep down I’ve always thought that this is how it would end for me. Please, please don't blame yourselves. This was my choice, and I made it knowing what it meant. He's not going to stop. He won't hurt Jade or anyone else if he has me. I'm what he wants.

Z—Thank you for showing me what safety feels like. For seeing all of me and loving me anyway. I love you from the deepest most pure part of my heart. A part I never would have found without you. Always.

Levi—I never stopped loving you. I need you to know that. Really know that. This is going to be the hardest for you to accept. Remember that day at the lake when you told me people could be more than one thing? I don't have the right to ask you for anything now, but, please, no matter what happens, try to remember the good in you. I know it's there because you've given it to me. I love you from the very best parts of myself.

You're good men. I know you're going to tear yourselves apart thinking you failed me. But you didn't. You gave me timethat I got to spend being someone worth loving. Do you know what a gift that's been? For someone like me? I got to fall asleep every night between two people who chose me. Who saw every broken, ugly piece of me and decided I was still worth keeping. I know what it feels like to be loved completely now, and that is so much more than I ever thought I could have.

You gave me back my heart, and trusted me with yours. I'm only sorry I couldn't keep them safe for us.

Take care of each other. Take care of Jade.

Angel

The tears don't fall until I sign my name. I fold the paper carefully, placing it on the pillow where I sleep between them. The place where I felt whole for the first time in my life.

Another message from Garrett—"One hour. Come alone or she dies."

I double check the coordinates and pull them up on the map. My fingers brush the soft fabric of the pillowcase. For a moment, I let myself remember—Zane's arms around me, Levi's heartbeat against my back, the perfect peace of belonging somewhere.

But I don't belong here. I never did.

This is what Garrett has always wanted. For me to choose him. To choose the pain and the damage and give myself over to it all, willingly. He knows me. Knows exactly what buttons to push, what threats to make, what leverage to use. I'm sure he knew it was only a matter of time before he found the right combination.

I move through the house like a ghost, careful not to make a sound. Everyone is in the security room. I can hear their voices—working on getting the new equipment installed, discussing plans, making calls, trying to find Jade. Trying to protect me.

But they can't protect me from this choice. From what I know I have to do.

I pause by the back door and punch in the security override code. I have three minutes to get off the property without tripping an alarm. The back door opens silently. Security is still focused on the front gate damage and making sure no one gets in. No one's worried about someone getting out. It's almost too easy.

The evening air hits my face, cool and clean. I take one last look at the house—my sanctuary, my almost home—and say a silent goodbye.

Then I turn and walk away, each step taking me closer to where Ihavealways belonged. Back to the monster who's been waiting patiently for me to realize the truth.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Levi

Irubmyburningeyes, staring at the wall of monitors finally coming back online. Four days with only a few hours of sleep is catching up to me. The security room's dim light doesn't help.

"Last camera's up." Z's voice sounds as exhausted as I feel. "Perimeter's fully covered again."

My shoulders ache from tension. "About fucking time."

All I can think about is getting upstairs to Sunny. She's been practically catatonic since Jade was taken, barely eating, barely speaking. The guilt eats at me—we should’ve seen this coming. Been more prepared and known no one was off limits.

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