Page 35 of Beautiful Scars: Unshakeable

They might have pulled me out of that basement, but I don't know if I'll ever really leave it.

I close my eyes, trying to memorize this moment. I want to save it. Tie it up with a ribbon and put it on a shelf in the back of my mind to save for a rainy day. Because soon, I’ll be completely healed. I won't need them as much as I do now. Their obligation to me will end and I'll be alone.

A sob catches in my throat at the thought. I press my face into the pillow to muffle it, but it's too much. I don't want to lose this.

I don't want to lose them.

The thought of being left to exist in this skin—this ugly, marked up skin alone—is unbearable. Every time they leave the room, every moment they're not touching me,hecreeps back in. His hands. His voice. His ownership over every inch of me.

I can't do it. I can't go back to that emptiness. To the dark place he lives inside my head, inside my body, inside every breath I take.

I feel Zane's eyes on me before I open mine again, his thumb brushing away tears with a gentleness that makes my chest ache.

"What's wrong, sweet girl?" His whisper cuts through the quiet.

The tenderness in his voice breaks something fragile inside of me. More tears spill over as Garrett's words echo in my head. Dirty. Used. Broken. "How can you even look at me?" My voice cracks. "After what he did... after what you heard."

Behind me, Levi stirs, his arm tightening around my waist as he pulls me even closer to him.

"I'm ruined," I whisper, the words burning my throat. "He made sure of that. Made me his in every way possible." My fingers twist in the sheets. "You both deserve so much better."

The silence stretches, heavy with the words I just spoke. In the dim light, I study Z's face—the scruff that lines his jaw, those piercing blue eyes that seem to see everything. Before I can stopmyself, I lean forward, pressing my lips to his—a desperate need to both prove myself and stop myself from spiraling any further.

For one perfect moment, his lips are soft against mine and that's all there is. Then he pulls back slowly, his hand gentle but firm on my shoulder, and my stomach drops.

Whatever fragile hope I'd had hidden away shatters. Of course. Of course he doesn't want this. Doesn't want me.

"I understand." I try to pull away, to escape the burning shame, but I'm trapped between them. My voice sounds small, broken. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."

The tears come faster now, hot and humiliating. Every horrible thing Garrett ever said about me feels undeniable, proven now. I try to sit up, to get away, but my muscles protest and Levi's arm is still around my waist. I can't look at either of them. Can't bear to see the disgust or worse, the pity, in their eyes.

"Please," I manage, even though I don't even know what I'm begging for. Space maybe. Or for the bed to magically split apart and swallow me whole. Anything to put an end to this moment and soothe the sting of Z's rejection.

I squeeze my eyes shut, waiting for one of them to move, to let me get up and out of here. Or just flat out tell me they’d never want someone as fucked up as I am.

The mattress moves as Levi shifts behind me. His hands are gentle as he strokes my shoulder. I keep my eyes squeezed shut, tears leaking from the corners, but I can feel them both looking at me. My cheeks burn with embarrassment. His fingers brush hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear with tenderness that cracks my heart wide. "Open your eyes, Angel." His voice is rough with emotion. "Look at me."

I shake my head slightly, as more tears fall. Looking at him means seeing the truth in his eyes. It means facing the realitythat I've ruined everything with my desperate need to try and prove I'm not as broken as I really am.

"Please," Levi's voice is soft but insistent. "Sunny."

I turn my head and Levi’s face swims into view as I finally open my eyes, and what I see there steals my breath. There's no disgust, no pity—only a fierce tenderness that makes my heart stutter. “You have to know that isn’t true. Neither of us sees you that way.”

Z's voice is low and gentle as he tilts my chin, bringing my attention to him. "I didn't pull away because I don't want you." His thumb traces my cheek, catching fresh tears. "I pulled away because I want you too much to risk hurting you. You need time to heal."

Fresh tears spill over at his words, but Zane quickly brushes them away. "You're not broken. But you need to be patient. Give yourself time to figure out what you want. What you need."

"But you heard..." I squeeze my eyes shut tight again.

"What we heard was a monster try to destroy you," Levi says fiercely. "But he didn't. You're here. With us. And there's nothing that happened or will happen to ever change how we feel about you. Nothing."

"Nothing," Zane repeats.

"You are wanted Sunny. But not until you're ready," Levi's voice is rough with emotion.

I let his words settle into my skin. They both want to protect me, to give me time to heal. To make sure of my decision. But lying here, night after night, the memories of what happened are too close. They poison every inch of my body, inside and out, until I can't stand to exist in it anymore.

My physical wounds are almost healed. But inside? Inside, I'm still trapped back in that basement, in those moments, withhim. It’s always there.

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