Page 39 of Carnival
We’re back at the carnival, and I see the sign — this is the third night of the carnival, which means that I spent two whole days with James. Two fucking days, yet it felt like five hours at most.
“We’re here,’’ he mutters and exits the vehicle. I unbuckle the seatbelt just in time as he approaches my side and opens the door for me. With a deep breath, I step outside, and his hand immediately clasps with mine, nails digging into my flesh. He’s fucking scared I’ll run away — and he isn’t wrong.
“Why are we here?” I ask, following silently as he skips the line, pays the entrance fee for the both of us, and ushers me into the crowded carnival. Screams, laughter, and loud music fill my ears, and my eyes immediately skim the area, looking for Aria.
“We’re here because I need you to remember, hellion.’’
The words leave his lips as if I’d wrenched them out of his mouth with force. He doesn’t look at me, yanking me forward to walk faster. I bump into someone, apologize quickly, and try to keep up with James’ long strides.
Eventually, he pulls me to his side, his arm wrapping around my waist. His hand grips my hip, and he guides me to a less crowded part of the carnival. I’m itching to ask questions, but for now, I keep them at the back of my head, trying to figure out where James is taking me.
We stop in front of a swing set. It’s old, and it looks out of place. Every other ride here is definitely new, in bright, neon colors and flickering lights. This one is worn out, the color of the swings peeling and revealing the wood underneath. A small frown tugs on the corner of my lips as James sits on one, and reluctantly, I move from my spot and sit on the other one, lightly swinging.
“Is this… it?”
James nods. “I thought it might stir a memory or two. You used to love this swing.’’
“Swings in general or this one specifically?”
“This one in particular,’’ he says, turning to look at me. “This was the first gift you received after you came to the Cooper family. You never allowed Gabriel or Willow on them, only me and you. And the siblings hated it. Willow tried tampering withthem to make you fall and injure yourself, but even then, you didn’t let go of the swing. You continued to use them until you fell and broke your arm.’’
I take a deep breath. “Willow was truly terrible to me, wasn’t she?”
James nods. “Yeah, she was. I tried keeping her away from you to the best of my abilities. But when I did that, her obsession shifted toward me yet again, and as time went by, it was getting increasingly difficult to get rid of her.’’
“Let me guess, her parents grounded her, but it never stuck, did it?”
James shakes his head. “Her parents loved fostering and helping children, so they were scared of the way she was treating you. They were scared the word would get out and they’d be unable to foster anymore. So, one summer, they sent her away to her grandparents until they figured out how to deal properly with her. And apparently, therapy didn’t help.’’
A snort leaves me, the swing squeaking as I stop moving on it. The wind blows, caressing my face, and James doesn’t take his eyes off me. Instead, they bore into me, as if he’s trying to pierce into my soul and take it for himself.
“That summer… while Willow was away… you were the happiest I’ve seen you. A bubbly, chatty little kid. Gabriel didn’t pay much attention to either of us, because, as I told you already, although he didn’t like Willow’s treatment of us, she was still his sister, and when she was sent away, he became angry. I’m not sure if it was at his parents for not sending you to a different family or at you for being the direct reason of his sister being sent away.’’
I sigh. “Is that why they sent me away?”
My words are mumbled, something twitching in my chest. Somehow, it resembles inner conflict and deeply rooted sorrow. The gaps in my memory seem wider and bigger, and no matter how much I try to remember what happened, my mind is blocking it all. I can’t even remember Willow and Gabriel’s faces, let alone my time at their house.
James shakes his head. “No, not quite.’’
“And you won’t tell me why I was sent away?”
“Not yet. If you don’t remember anything soon, I’ll tell you.’’
A groan comes from me, shoulders slumping. James seems entertained by my reaction, a flicker of amusement dancing in his eyes. He tilts his head to the side slightly, then speaks, voice low.
“I could tell you immediately, but that would just… break you.’’
“I’m not a fragile doll,’’ I scoff, folding my arms in front of my chest.
“I never said you were; however, you don’t even realize the gravity of the situation.’’
“Because you won’t tell me!” I snap, standing up from the swing and standing right in front of me. The anger starts to show, bubbling inside me. “I’m not a child, James! I’m not the little girl you remember! You’re hiding shit from my past that I’ve been trying for years to remember! This isn’t about me being ready; it’s about you having leverage over me! It’s a power play, and you know it! You know how much I need to remember, how much I want to remember, and you’re not telling me because it keeps me by your side!’’
My little outburst ends, though I have plenty of things left to say. For a moment, except for my rapid breathing and the loudness of the carnival, nothing can be heard. James’ face is as passive as ever, and it annoys me to no end.
In an instant, James rises from the swing, grabbing me by the throat and slamming me against the nearest tree. Shock flashes through me before it’s replaced by sheer fury. I grit my teeth together, brow narrowed at him.
For a moment, I’m scared.
