Page 63 of Within the Veil

"It isn't fair for them to have to worry about me again. There is so much that we have to prepare for, how can I possibly allow them..."

"To be your mates?" he cuts me off. "You are all connected in a way that goes beyond simple explanation. Whether you speak it or not, they will be able to sense that something is off. Especially Zane, Ryder, Grayson and Hunter. They have known you longer. You may have grown as a person, emotionally and mentally but you are still you. The same woman who would rather punch first and ask questions later. If you suddenly start to pretend that nothing is getting to you, do you truly believe that they will not realize it? Better yet, if it were you being shut out, would you not realize? It is more of a burden for them to constantly wonder if you are actually okay or if you are faking it. You're placing them in danger by blocking them out."

He puts his hand up to stave off any response. "Consider this from a tactical perspective, since that's how you tend to grasp things best. I've told you before about the need to sharpen yourgroupcombat skills, to operate as a cohesive unit. Now, think of mental health as its own battlefield, a battle you're not meant to, nor should you, wage alone. It's a collective effort, requiring you to strategize, align, and position yourself so that together, everyone can hold the line against the enemy. Only in this sceanario,youare your own enemy. Do not ignore your emotional well-being, Hudson. Do not become your own adversary. Life is already strife with battles; why make it a full- scale war?"

I don't respond, I can't. There is nothing to say other than 'damn you for always being right.' Even as a Faerie Casper he is still making me see things that should be right in front of my face. I would hate for any of my mates or hell even King, Jensi and Luca to feel as if they cannot lean on me when they needed me the most. It is like I'm punishing myself for the changes I have no control over and for what? There is nothing to gain by becoming my own martyr.

"Good, I see that worked. Moving on. You have power beyond your understanding. The Keepers have granted you access to knowledge beyond that of the complexities of Faerie history and magic. The library is sentient, it learns and adapts as the world around it changes. While previous rulers were able to access basic information,youhave been given the opportunity to delve deeper than anyone else. I knew you were going to be powerful, I knew your potential would be limitless, but as the daughter of my soul, I believe I was naturually inclined to believe so. Call it a fathers pride," he chuckles wraping one arm around me and tugging me closer. Kalen as a hugger, yeah this is something I didn't realize I needed. I should have beat his ass and used his hugs as a reward instead of the ten laps he would give me.

"It's a little crazy right? I have all of these powers, capabilities and not including Remi or Obi, mates who are literally the strongest of their homelands. Everything is building in my favor and yet...we are still under threat from a fucking Scoobydoo character in a Seelie Queen mask. I feel like I should be able to just smite her and win," I shake my head.

"I can certainly see it that way. But to kill Nici without first breaking the hold she has on the Seelie she has captured, would break their minds. This isn't a battle of strength. In that, you would win effortlessly. It is a battle for the very soul of Tír na nÓg. What Nici has failed to realize is that there is no power in being a ruler, if the soul, the people, are broken. What she does realize is that her hold is and has always been tentative. That knowledge is what continues to make her as unstable as her rule. That instability is her weakness. The Fae are nothing if not prideful, and as you start to tip the balance back to where it should be, that pride will be her undoing."

"Except that instability also makes her a fucking wild card. She's unpredictable, it's how she is still able to be a fucking raging lunatic," I grumble.

Kalen laughs, " Ah, but that's the greatest thing about unpredictability. It is predictable. You are fully prepared because you are aware you always need to be fluid in your thinking. It's a good thing you had an amazing battle expert teach you how to never have a visible pattern that can be exploited. But you still need to train to keep your senses sharp."

"How can I possibly train when I am a walking yoga ball with wings?" I scowl.

"Hmm, let me handle that," he says pensively and roll my eyes.

"Becuase of course, you still are a control freak in the after life," I tease.

He chuckles, "I am who I am. Between your skill set, your mates, and everyone else in your corner, you have an advantage that Nici will never have..."

"If you say something corny like 'Family,' I will smite you. Unless you have some sort of diesal powered car in this realm, and several large buildings to unrealistacally drive off of and survive, do not go there," I cut him off with a scowl.

He throws his head back with laughter, "such a pain in the ass. I was going to say, the ability to look beyond just yourself. Your heart gives you more power than being a Queen ever can. Let it guide you...listento your heart..."

"Before it tells you goodbyeeee," Ryder's voice cuts him off as he walks up behind us and plops himself down on my otherside.

Kalen chuckles and I break out into a fit of giggles.

"I was totally thinking that. Damnit you took my line,"I turn and shoot him a grin.

"You know, you are lucky as fuck that once everyone calmed the fuck down, I was able to sense you gallavanting like a pregnant war horse in the spirit Realm. You would have come back to a very empty camp because Hunter would have eaten everyone. He's an angry mother-fae-cker," he says pointedly.

"Ah, well. To be fair. I have no idea how the fuck I got myself here to begin with," I cringe as I consider Hunter flipping his shit. Fuck me.

"That's actually the easy part. You were having a breakdown because you rather keep shit in, which we will get to later," he glares at me, his eyes darkening. I bite back a shiver. Happy, joking Ryder I'm used to, this very un-Ryder glare is more unsettling than I would like to admit.

"Kalen was the person you always went to when you were stressed or upset. Whether you recognized it or not, the time he spent training you was your release. You haven't been able to use violence, nor have you actually talked to us to help you ease the strain. When you had enough, your spirit brought you to where his currently resides. The spirit world is complex, but at least you were granted an opportunity many others will never have. But just because you can..."Ryder trails off.

I sigh, "doesn't mean I should." I look at Kalen sadly, trying to memorize his every feature while my chest feels like its caving in on itself. Even though I hate it, Ryder is right. This may have been a mistake, one that I am always going to be grateful for, but it isn't one that I can make consciously. Which fucking sucks, because what the fuck is the point of being an all-powerful goddess slash faerie slash whatever the fuck is in this cocktail of me, if I can't randomly pop in and talk to dead people?

"My time is coming, Hudson. I may not remember you, but my soul will. We will meet again. That I can promise," Kalen says softly, his voice breaking slightly as he presses a kiss to my head.

His features become hazy as my vision blurs, my throat constricting as I fight the sob that still makes its way out of my mouth. I close my eyes to stave off the flood of hot tears, but they still make their way, unbidden, down my face. I don't want to say goodbye, I don't want to wait for his soul to be reborn into some random fucking pixie. I just want pancakes and for Kalen to tell me to give him 45 more push-ups. I just wanted the one person who stepped up to love me when one father was off in another realm and the other was too butt-hurt to realize that despite my bloodline, I was stillhisdaughter.

"I love you, Kalen. Thank you for being the father that I needed and wanted. Thank you for being the one constant in the madness. As much as I wish you could be there to watch my kids grow, to watch me lose my shit when I have to change 50 diapers a day, at least I know that I will teach them everything you taught me. So the Kalen I remember, will still have a forever. It just won't be in the way any of us expected, or wanted," I say, my throat aching with every word. Ryder, leans in closer, his presence a balm to my aching spirit.

"I love you too, Hudson. Just remember that even when the world throws everything it's got at you...there is no one else better suited foryourdestiny thanyou. I am proud of you, I will always be proud of you; whether it is in the spirit world or in my next life, that will never change. Go to your mates; let them help you fight your battles the same way you allowed me to," Kalen says, wiping my face with his calloused hands.

My limbs suddenly feel heavy, as if they are also trying to stop the inevitable, but as he looks at Ryder, an unspoken conversation flowing between them, I find myself suddenly back in the living room.

Only this time, I don't stop myself from breaking in front of the very people that are fated to put me back together.

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