Page 82 of Spark

I scoff. “So much harder, it’s not even funny.”

Kendrick hoots again. “Then don’t underestimate me. That Kendrick Cook is a sex god, man.”

I snicker. “First of all, don’t refer to yourself in third person, please. It creeps me out. And second of all, don’t you dare tell Bruno I said that, or he’ll try to gag you to death in your sleep.”

Kendrick grimaces. “Not the way I want to go out. Death by dildo.”

“Did you know the French call orgasms ‘little death?’La petite mort. So, actually, death by dildo makes perfect sense, when you think about it like that.”

“Not beinggaggedto death by one, though. That’s a new fear unlocked. Thanks, Ruby.”

“Sure thing, babe.”

Kendrick adjusts his hands on the steering wheel. “Can I ask you something, in all seriousness? If you’ve never had an orgasm without the assistance of a vibrator, does that mean you always use one during sex? Or do you sometimes, you know, take care of yourself afterward, or . . .?”

“Either/or,” I answer honestly. “Also, there are lots of times when I just don’t bother with myself.” When Kendrick looks shocked, I add defensively, “Sex isn’t always about orgasms, you know. Sometimes, it’s about the journey, not the destination.”

“Well, yeah. But if you’re doing it right, isn’t it about both?”

“Not always. Not for me, anyway.”

He processes that. “Why don’t you always bother? You know, to get yours during sex?”

“Because it’s not always worth it.”

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s not always feasible to pull out a dildo, Kendrick. Also, sometimes, I don’t want to take the time. Or I’m feeling embarrassed.”

He looks pained. “You’ve got nothing to feel embarrassed about, Ruby. The guys you’ve been with, however … that’s another story. They should feel deeply ashamed of themselves.”

I press my lips together and look out the passenger-side window of Kendrick’s car—at the speckles of light rain dripping down the glass as we whiz down the freeway.

“It’s not their fault,” I whisper. “I don’t blame them.”

“Well, I do. I’d never, not in a million years, get off with you and not make sure you did, too.Never. So, I don’t understand how any guy was okay with that for you.”

It’s a mind-blowing way for me to look at things. “I’ve never thought of it that way.”

“How is that possible?”

“Kendrick, you have to understand, women get mind-fucked in our society, every which way, about sex and sexuality and our role in all of it. Whether we realize it or not, we’re programmed from a very young age to believe we’re here to give pleasure. To be sexy for men. To be a fantasy for them. But nobody ever tells us to expect or demand equal pleasure.”

“Huh.”

“Add to that, I was personally raised to believe sex outside of marriage is a sin.”

“You were?” He sounds shocked.

“Well, okay, or at the very least, to believe sex is only something you should do with someone you love. Andboom.Mix that all together, and the result is me—a girl who can’t seem to get there without some mechanical help.”

He snickers gleefully. “Until now.”

I bite my lip. “Hopefully, that wasn’t a fluke.”

“Oh, it wasn’t a fluke. I promise you that.” Kendrick pauses for a moment. “I’m pretty sure Titus had sex with a couple girls in high school, unless he lied about that.”

“More than a couple.”

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