Page 66 of Spark

“I’ve gone shirtless so many times around Ruby this past week, she’s got to be wondering if I own a shirt at this point.” I chuckle. “So, anyway, Ruby found the decoy journal, and then I bounded into the bedroom, right on cue?—”

“You were watching her snoop?”

“Of course I was! I had to time it right. So, anyway, I burst in there and snatched it away from her, just in time, like I was freaking out. Except, of course, the lyrics she’s obsessed with weren’t even in there, since it was my old journal.”

Savage cracks up.

“And then, I stood there in front of her, shirtless, going on and on about how hot and dirty the lyrics are, and how I didn’t write down my filthiest fantasies for anyone else to read, and I especially can’t show those thoughts and feelings to someone I’m not fucking.”

“So far, so good.”

“It gets even better, Savage. When Ruby found that decoy journal, she was in the middle of unpacking her stuff. When I burst into my bedroom, a sex toy was on the bed!”

“No way.”

“Yes! I didn’t realize that, at first, not until I was standing right in front of her, chastising her about snooping around for my notebook. But then, holy shit, there it was. This massive, pink dildo-vibrator thing, staring at me.”

“Holy fucking shit.”

I tell him the whole story, and Savage says he would have thought that sexually charged conversation would have led to us fucking, right then and there. Or at least, that night.

“That’s what I thought!” I shout. “Dude, I threw everything at herandthe kitchen sink, when I saw that fucking sex toy. I ‘good girled’and‘bad girled’ her! And it was working, too. Right after that conversation, when I supposedly started working out again with earbuds in, I pressed my earto the door and heard a buzzing sound coming out of my closet.”

“Holy fuck, KC.”

“I had to jump into the shower, right then, to whack off, or I was afraid I was going to come in my shorts.”

Savage laughs. “How the hell didn’t that end in you two fucking? I don’t get it.”

“I guess that’s what happens when two people have been best friends for over a decade. That’s a whole lot of history and habits to get past.” I shake my head and exhale. “After my shower, we sat down to eat and watch a show together, and I think, somehow, doing that together flipped a switch that reset our friendship. Suddenly, we became Ruby and Kendrick again, the same as always. And I haven’t been able to duplicate that energy again, no matter what I do.”

“Maybe this is a stupid question, but why not write actual, smutty lyrics for a song called ‘Spank’ in that decoy journal and let her find it again? Reset the clock, baby. Give yourself a do-over of day one.”

“You think I haven’t thought of that myself? Dude, I’ve been trying to write those damned lyrics for six days. But everything I come up with is lame and stupid, compared to what Ruby’s thinking it says. I’d rather give her nothing than something that softens her lady boner about the whole thing.”

“Something is better than nothing.”

“I don’t think so. Ruby’s a way better lyricist than me, so whatever she’s imagining this dirty song says is a thousand times better than anything I could possibly write. Keeping the mystery alive and letting her continue turning herself on with her own imagination is better than letting her read something that falls short of her expectations.”

“Yeah, you wouldn’t want it to be anti-climactic.”

“Literally.”

“I could write the dirty song for you.”

“No, Savage.”

“A dirty song called ‘Spank’ would be right up my alley. I’m sure I could whip something up in fifteen minutes.”

“I can’t let you write sexual lyrics intended for Ruby—ones designed to lure her into my bed. That’s not only morally wrong; I think that’d legit be a sex crime.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“No,definitely.I’m more than willing to turn myself into a half-naked, dripping wet Doberman to get Ruby to see me as a potential sexual partner, but I’m not going to pretend your sexual thoughts and fantasies are mine.”

“Wait, dripping wet? This is new information. When did this little nugget happen?”

“The other day. Ruby was on my couch watching TV, and I waltzed out of my bathroom, dripping wet in nothing but a towel, pretending I needed to grab some shampoo I’d mistakenly left in the kitchen.”

---