Page 41 of Spark

Turns out I’d imagined it all

Went back and punched a hole in the wall

You’re falling (falling) falling (falling) falling in hate with me

I’m feeling (feeling) feeling (feeling) something I don’t want to feel

You’re falling (falling) falling (falling) falling in hate with me

I’m feeling (feeling) feeling (feeling) something I don’t want to feel

La la la la la la la . . . Laila, Laila

La la la la la la la . . . Laila, Laila

At this point in the song, when Savage on the recording sings his wife’s name at the end of those la-las, every person in the party, not only the six of us huddled together in celebration, screams those “Lailas,” emphatically. It’s a worldwide inside joke at this point, thanks to Savage publicly, and not-so-convincingly, denying the song was ever about Laila Fitzgerald at the time. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Savage said at the time in an interview. “I’m singing nothing butla la, throughout the entire song.”

Of course, his lie became an internet sensation the second Savage and Laila came out as a couple, and even more so after the pair became husband and wife—all of which only propelled the song into the stratosphere further. Now, singing “Laila” on those parts, very loudly, is something of a worldwide custom.

During the bridge, Ruby tugs on me the way she always does when she wants to ride on my back, so I lean down and let her hop aboard, and then gallop around like a pony, while she whoops and sings.

When the final chorus heads our way, I let Ruby down, and we huddle with our other band members again for the duration of the song, including loudly speaking along with Savage on the recording, his now-famous, spoken dig at Laila during the outro: “Didhemake you come three times? Yeah, didn’t think so.”

When the song ends, we hug as a group, and everyone wishes me a happy birthday and congratulates each other on a tour well done. Immediately, a new song starts—Red Card Riot’s smash-hit, signature song, “Shaynee,” and Ruby grips my hands and starts screaming the iconic chorus, “Shayneeeee!,” along with me and everyone else in the room. This one isn’t a dance tune, per se.It’s a wailing song about heartbreak with a catchy chorus you can’t help singing along to—but thanks to its crashing beat and singalong, gut-wrenching chorus, it’s one of those tunes that gets a party cranked up once everyone is inebriated enough to join in on the singalong without holding back.

Midway through the second verse, Savage taps my shoulder and motions for me to come with him toward abedroom in the back. When I look at him, like,Now?he nods and shouts above the music, “I need to talk to you in private!”

Well, fuck. This can’t be good. In a flash, my drunken brain goes straight to my upcoming stint onSing Your Heart Out. The show begins shooting right after we get back from tour. Is Savage pulling me aside to break the news that the show’s cancelled me for a bigger name?

Savage motions to Laila, who joins our trek to the back bedroom. Maybe this is good news, after all? Like, maybe news about Ruby being approved as Laila’s guest mentor this season?

We reach the room, and Savage closes the door to muffle the blaring music.

“What’s up?” I ask.

“Eli texted me,” Savage says. “Your phone is off. He told me to find you and ask you an urgent question, because he needs your answer right away.” Eli is our manager. Which means this must be something work-related.

“Am I being dropped as your guest mentor?” I ask before Savage gets his next words out. The producers of the show are notoriously fickle and scheming, as they connive to achieve maximum ratings for the show. In fact, as Eli explained it to me, the standard guest mentor contract includes a loophole clause giving producers the right to cancel any guest mentor at the last minute, as long as they do it before the dog-and-pony-show press conference that announces the upcoming season’s full cast.

“No, they still want you,” Savage says. “Now more than ever, thanks to Cooper’s song breaking the internet. Eli said they’re seriously considering Ruby, too.”

“Really? That’s awesome.”What does Cooper’s song have to do with it?

“But first, the producers want assurances from you.Confirmation you’re willing to play along with a certain storyline they’d want for Ruby that would involve you.”

I scowl. “What’s the storyline?”

Laila says, “The whole world knows Ruby is ‘Ruby Tuesday,’ and mostly everyone thinksyou’rethe ‘brother’ she wants to fuck from the song. The producers see all the buzz, and they’re excited about the possibilities.”

My eyebrows ride up. “People think I’m the brother guy—not you or Kai?”

“Everyone thinks he’s you, KC.”

“Well, no, I’d say over half the internet thinks he’s you,” Laila interjects. “Second place is Kai. Savage is a distant third.”

“It’s so insulting,” Savage quips.

I don’t know whether to smile or scowl at the revelation that I’m the world’s front-runner, so I work hard to keep my face neutral. “So, what’s the storyline? A romance between us?” That’s what they required of Savage and Laila their first season. In fact, that’s their origin story as a couple: the show required them to fake a passionate relationship as a prerequisite to them both getting signed for the judging gig. So, it stands to reason the producers are reaching into their old bag of tricks.

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