Page 12 of Spark

“I don’t regret Finn. He was nice. And fun. A total cutie pie.”

“Oh.”

“Was it deep and meaningful? No. Was he long-term boyfriend material? No. But not everything has to be serious. Honestly, after three months of Cooper love-bombing me and talking about me having his babies, a meaningless fling is the only thing that sounds even remotely attractive to me right now.” She sips her drink. “Speaking of Tracy, Titus said you’ve been a monk this whole tour because nobody’s caught your eye, but I said it’s because Tracy’s made you once bitten, twice shy.Who’s right?”

“It’s nice to know you and Titus gossip about me behind my back.”

“We gossip about everyone. If it makes you feel any better, we’ve been gossiping about Kai the most lately. It used to be Savage. But ever since he got married, there’s nothing juicy to say about him anymore. He’s kind of boring these days.”

“In the best possible way.”

“Right?” She grins. “I’m so happy for him.”

“I’ve never seen him happier.” That’s saying a lot for a guy who’s known Savage since age twelve.

Ruby rolls her eyes. “Kai, on the other hand? My god. Is your brother going through a quarter-life crisis or what?”

Does it bother Ruby, whenever she finds out Kai’s fucked yet another rando in another city, or has she long since gotten over her heartbreak about the way he rejected her years ago? For years, I’ve been dying to ask Ruby her side of that story, but I’ve been too afraid it might crush me.

“So, why no tour fling this time?” Ruby pushes, running a fingertip over a drop of moisture on the bar. “Seems to me you’re avoiding the question.”

“Why are you so obsessed with my sex life?”

“I just want to know who’s right about you—Titus or me?”

“You make it sound like I can ‘pick’ women like pickingapples off a tree. It doesn’t work that way. It’s got to be a two-way street.”

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

I finish my drink. “Maybe I’m just sick of the grind. Sick of trying to get to know new people. Sick to death of small talk.”

“Gah. Me, too.”

“Maybe it’s got less to do with Tracy and more to do with me realizing she had a point. I’m emotionally unavailable and not a good bet in relationships, even though Iseemlike I am.”

“You definitely seem like classic boyfriend material, on the outside. But in reality, you’re kind of a fuckboy. Like Kai.”

“What? No, I’m not. Not at all.”

“Okay, not exactly like Kai. Not as overtly, because you’re a serial monogamist rather than a hook-up artist, like him. But, still, you don’t give your truest self to anyone, any more than Kai does. Or like Savage used to do, before Laila. You always hold back.”

She’s not wrong. But if Ruby’s guidepost is that I don’t act like I do with her around anyone I’m dating, then that’s not something I’ll ever be able to change, because I’ll never have this same kind of deep trust and friendship with anyone else. Would I like to find someone like Ruby to date? Yes. But the truth is she’s one of a kind.

“I shouldn’t talk, though,” Ruby mumbles. “Everything I just accused you of doing, I do too. Every. Fucking. Time.” She sighs. “That’s why I went against my instincts and started dating Cooper in the first place. I was so sick of trying to get to know someone new, and so sick of watching myself self-sabotage, I figured, hey, maybe dating someone who’s already a good friend would turn out differently. Well, guess what? It didn’t. In fact, it was even worse. A colossal mistake. One I’ll never, ever repeat.”

My heart stops. “I dunno. I don’t think this one bad experiencewith Cooper should make you set such a hard and fast rule.”

“Kendrick, trust me. It’s the worst. Things get way too intense, way too fast.” She sets down her glass. “See, the problem is, you’re already friends to start with, so when you add in the sex, they think they can skip all the early phases of a romantic relationship and zoom straight to ‘baby, we’re end game.’” She shudders. “But, no, you can’t do that. At least,Ican’t. I needtime.I need space.It’s like, give me a minute, please.” She picks up her glass again and sips her drink. “I mean, Cooper was fine as a friend, but the second we slept together, he got all jealous and possessive. It was like, one day, he was chill and fun, and the next, simply because he’d had his dick inside me, briefly—the boy has lots of talents, but sexual endurance isn’t one of them—he suddenly felt like he owned me.” She snorts. “All of a sudden, he started professing his ‘undying love’ to me. Telling me he’d always secretly loved me, since the first minute he’d laid eyes on me—way back when his band opened for us. I mean, excuse me? What kind of douchebag onlypretendsto be good friends with a woman because he’s secretly hoping to figure out a way to fuck her? It’s so classic. So obvious. But I didn’t see it at all.”

I feel like barfing, so I nod vaguely, mumble something incoherent that hopefully sounds like agreement with her comments, and flag down the bartender by wildly flinging my arm into the air.

“Another round,” I blurt when the guy comes over to take our order.

“Sure thing. Hey, are you from Chicago?”

I’m still feeling dazed and confused, not to mention tongue-tied and nauseated, from Ruby’s speech about Cooper, so I stare at the bartender blankly, hoping he’ll explain how he figured that out. Did he google me while he was over there? If so, I’m never going to hear the end of it from Ruby, since shealready thinks my inability to pick up on this guy flirting with me is the funniest thing in the world.

The guy points at my sweatshirt. And when I look down and see the White Sox emblem on my chest, everything makes sense.

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