Page 25 of Our Song

On Friday, Katie and I are the first to arrive at our favourite Korean restaurant, and I’m relieved to have a little breathing room.Despite the fact that our lives are all quite different now, our gang still gets on as well as ever.Whenever we’re together we always quickly fall into the easy shorthand of old friendship, full of jokes and confidences.But since Dave and I split up I’ve been conscious of a sense of … difference, I suppose.For years we were all in serious relationships, and while both Aisling and Sarah had kids, Katie and I didn’t, so I wasn’t the odd one out.But since last year I’ve been the only single one.And not just the single one, the tragically dumped one.The one living in her friend’s spare room.The one who no longer says ‘we’ when talking about future plans.Sometimes I feel that the others are avoiding talking about things they’re doing with their partners because they don’t want me to feelleft out, which of course makes me feel even more left out.I’m aware that this feeling is probably in my head, but I can’t help it.I can’t bear the thought of them feeling sorry for me.Poor dumped, lonely Laura.

But would anyone feel sorry for someone who was going into a studio to work with a rock star?Hmmm.They would not.

Over delicious dak galbi and bibimbap, I give Aisling a very edited version of my history with Tadhg and tell her and Sarah about Tara and Tadhg and the studio.They make suitable noises of amused amazement and then Sarah says, ‘Do you trust him?’

‘I dunno.’I take a sip of water.‘I mean, after talking to him I don’t seriously think he’s got an evil scheme to steal my song from me.He hasn’t changed that much.’

‘Well, that’s good,’ says Aisling.

‘But … do I think he might be keeping his hands clean and his conscience clear while his team play hardball and try to give me a flat fee for the full rights to the song I wrote so he can make a fortune with it and leave me with pennies?Um, maybe.I mean, perhaps you don’t get to be as successful as him without being abitruthless.’

‘Wow, it really is bizarre, isn’t it?’Katie shakes her head.‘All this fuss and secrecy about someone we once saw dance to Five’s ‘Everybody Get Up’ in a glorified school hall in Connemara.’

‘I doubt he thinks you’re stupid enough to sell your rights.And he does want to get you involved,’ Aisling points out.‘If he wanted to steal an ancient song, he could just steal it.’

‘He might,’ says Sarah ‘just really, really want to see you again.’She looks innocently up at the ceiling as I glower at her.I would rather die than admit it out loud, but that thought has crossed my mind.

Later we move to the bar part of the restaurant, and after we order pints, Aisling and Katie go out to the smoking area, where they will each smoke one cigarette from a packet Katie has been taking on nights out for literally months.This always happens when we meet up.Both officially gave up years ago, but every so often they smoke just one, ‘just to prove we don’t need to!’. I’m pretty sure any addiction expert would argue against this, but I’ve given up.

After they leave, Sarah says, ‘Are you still okay to come to Ellie’s birthday party next month?’

‘Of course!’I say.‘Why do you ask?’

‘After everything with Dave,’ says Sarah, ‘I wasn’t sure you’d want to do, you know, happy family stuff.’

I smile at her.‘It’s very good of you to ask.But I’m grand.Seriously.’And I mean it.I nudge her with my arm.‘What if I ask Tadhg to film a birthday message for Ellie as a surprise?’

‘That would make her year!’says Sarah.And then she’s quiet for a moment.

‘Everything okay?’I say.

She takes a deep breath.‘I’m sorry, I wasn’t sure I should tell you this tonight but …’

Words like that never mean something good is coming.I brace myself.

‘Dave is seeing someone,’ says Sarah.

I thought I’d known this already.I’d guessed anyway.The girl in his Insta stories.But somehow hearing it confirmed hurts more than I thought it would.

‘Is her name Liz?’I say.

‘Um, yeah.’Sarah looks surprised, then sighs.‘Oh, Laura, I thought you’d have seen sense and blocked him on Insta by now.’

‘How do you know?’I pause.‘Howlonghave you known?’

‘Just since last night!’says Sarah.‘Rob bumped into them in town.He was out with his old school friends, and Dave and this woman were at the next table.’

‘Oh.’I have a ridiculous urge to go out and smoke one of Katie’s cigarettes.‘Did they look … Is it serious?’

‘I honestly don’t know,’ says Sarah.‘Rob couldn’t exactly ask them.I’m so sorry, Laura.I hate being the bringer of shit news.’

I stare down at the table.Dave has a new girlfriend.Instead of Dave and Laura, it’s Dave and Liz.Maybe he just has a thing for women whose names begin withL.

‘Well, I suppose it’s been over eight months.’I can’t believe I’m almost defending him.

‘If he had any sense, he’d still be mourning letting you slip through his fingers.’

‘It’s better for me that I slipped,’ I say, and I really do believe that, but when Sarah goes to the loo, I unfollow Dave on Instagram.I don’t want to see his happy new life anymore.And I don’t give a shit if he knows that or not.

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