Page 92 of Our Song

On the bus out to practice on Saturday, Tadhg said, ‘Fiachra seems sound.’

‘Yeah,’ I said.‘He is.’

‘I’m really happy for you,’ said Tadhg.

‘Um, thanks?’I couldn’t help feeling a little patronised by his tone.

‘I mean it,’ said Tadhg.‘You deserve someone great.’

‘Yeah, I know.’Had he thought I wasn’t already aware of that?That I’d take anyone?I did not particularly want to talk about me and Fiachra with Tadhg.‘So!We need to plan the Ball setlist.’

It was April now, the last term of my last year in college.Everything was happening very fast.The Ball would take place in the second week of May, just before our exams, so we didn’t have a huge amount of time to practise.For me, Joanna and Brian, these were our final exams, and for Tadhg, they woulddetermine whether he could go on to the second year of the master’s.He had way more exams than I did and the pressure was getting to him.We saw each other even less than usual, and he always seemed slightly stressed when we had a rare cup of tea or grabbed a quick lunch.

One day an email arrived from Brian, sent to the entire band, asking if we could all meet in the Buttery that evening because he and Jo had some news.Jo and Brian were there already when I arrived, looking uncharacteristically nervous.Jesus, they’re not going to announce they’re a couple, are they?I thought.So much for Joanna’s desire to keep things simple!

But once Tadhg arrived and we were all supplied with pints, Brian said, ‘So … I heard back from Bristol on Monday.’

‘And I heard from Stanford,’ said Jo.She glanced at Brian.‘We’ve both been accepted for postgrads.’

‘Wow!’I said.‘Congratulations, that’s brilliant!’

And I was happy for them, of course I was.I knew getting those places was a big deal for both of them.But I couldn’t help my stomach sinking at the prospect of my friends moving hundreds of miles away.And not just my friends.My bandmates.I’d be losing the band.

But I couldn’t guilt-trip Joanna and Brian about that.So I said, honestly, ‘I’m so proud of you both!’

‘Me too,’ said Tadhg.‘Well done.It’s really great.’

‘Thanks, lads,’ said Jo.

‘But listen,’ said Brian.‘Jo and I, we want to make sure the two of you keep the band going.’

‘We can’t just replace you!’I said.And I meant it.I couldn’t imagine playing with other people now.

‘You can,’ said Jo.She grinned.‘I mean, whoever you get won’t be as good, of course …’

‘How could they be?’said Brian.

‘But seriously,’ said Joanna, ‘academia is right for me and Brian.But you two … you’re meant to be making music.You’re meant to be in a band together.’

I wished she and Brian weren’t leaving.But their faith in me – and in Tadhg – made me feel hopeful about my musical future.

Tadhg turned to me.‘What do you say, Lol?I will if you will.’

‘Come on, Laura,’ said Jo.‘Promise me you won’t stop.’

I smiled at her.‘I promise.’

And I meant that too.

Then, on one of those late April days where you can feel the first hint of real summer, I walked out of the Buttery and almost ran straight into Tadhg.

‘Hey!’I said.‘I can’t stop, I’m late to meet Fiachra.’Then I caught the look on his face.‘Tadhg, are you okay?’

His expression was grim, and his eyes looked like he might have been …Jesus, could he have been crying?

‘Eh, not really.’He paused and then he said, ‘I broke up with Jess.’

I couldn’t say anything for a moment.‘Shit, when?’

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