Page 72 of Our Song

‘No,’ I say.‘They weren’t in that night so I didn’t get a chance.And then I got that news …’

I do not want to think about stupid Dave right now.

‘Shit, sorry, of course,’ says Tadhg.‘Look, you know there’s no hurry about deciding, don’t you?’

‘Yeah, I do.’I take a sip of wine.‘I appreciate you asking me, you know.And in theory it sounds amazing.A part of me would really love to do it.It’s just …’ It’s just that I’m scared.And not just about playing a big gig, though that’s a huge part of it.I’m scared about taking a chance on music again.I’m scared of making Tadhg a regular part of my life again.‘I really don’t want to go out and make a fool of myself in front of … well, in front of the entire world, basically.’

‘I don’t think that would happen,’ says Tadhg.‘Seriously, Lol, don’t you remember how amazing you always were on stage?Everyone noticed it.And whatever magic you had back then, you’ve still got it.Sam sees it.I see it.’

The door opens and Jeanne sticks her head in.‘Do both of you want something sweet?’

‘Definitely,’ I say, and Tadhg says, ‘Yes please.’

Just as he fit right into the band all those years ago, Tadhg fits right into this new little gang straight away.We’re all talking and laughing so much I don’t realise how late it is until Jeanne can’t stifle a big yawn, which prompts Tadhg to look at his watch.

‘It’s nearly one,’ he says.‘I’d better let you go to bed.’

We make protesting noises but I suddenly realise I’m exhausted.The strain of the day is catching up with me.Katieand Tadhg exchange phone numbers, and then Jeanne says, ‘How are you going to get home?’

‘You know what, I’ll walk,’ Tadhg says.

‘What about your driver?’I say.

‘Oh, I never leave him hanging around on-call this late,’ says Tadhg.‘I’d normally call a car service but there’s no point now.It’s only down the road.And I’ll walk through Marino so the roads will be even quieter.’

‘Well, all right,’ I say.‘If you’re sure.’I hope he’ll be okay.How likely is he to come across scary fans or lairy lads looking for a fight in a genteel 1920s housing development?Not very, I suppose.Still, you never know … ‘But can you let me know you got home safe?’

He smiles and says, ‘I’ll be grand, but I will.’He stands up and turns to Jeanne and Katie.‘Thanks for a lovely evening.’

‘De rien,’ says Jeanne and Katie says, unusually sincerely, ‘You know, it’s been really, really good to see you.’

‘You too, Cáit,’ says Tadhg, and he hugs them both.

‘I’ll walk you out,’ I say.

Out in the hall, Tadhg puts on his coat and says, ‘So on Monday we’ll try our song.’

‘On Monday we’ll try our song,’ I say.

‘We might even finish it this week,’ he says.

‘Steady on,’ I say in mock horror.

‘You’re right, what was I thinking?’says Tadhg.‘That would be ridiculous.’

‘Well, goodnight,’ I say.‘Safe home.’

‘Night, Lol,’ he says.And then he says, ‘Oh, c’mere.’

We haven’t hugged each other for over a decade but now his face is in my hair and my face is pressed into the soft navy wool of his coat.He no longer smells of Radox shower gel and generic Sure deodorant, he’s clearly using some posh slightly citrusy stuff these days, but underneath it is that familiar Tadhg smell, and for a second it sends me straight back in time and I almost feel like crying, remembering what it felt like to be twenty-one and hopeful, with a future full of musical and romantic possibility ahead of me.We hold each other tightly for a long moment and then I pull away.

‘Don’t get into any fights on the way home,’ I say.

‘I’ll try not to,’ says Tadhg.‘See you on Monday.’

I feel slightly dazed after I close the door and wander back into the kitchen, where Jeanne and Katie are finishing loading the dishwasher.

‘So?’I say, a little hesitantly.‘How do you feel that went?’

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