Page 69 of Our Song

‘Oh, right,’ said Tadhg.He picked up his guitar from the corner where we’d all dumped our stuff earlier.‘Well, have a great night.’

‘You too!’I chirped.

And then I watched Tadhg and Jess walk out of the room, hand in hand.Oh God, it hurt.It hurt, it hurt, it hurt.

Chapter Twenty-Three

2019

‘Are yousureyou’re up for this dinner?’

Katie is standing at the kitchen counter stirring a large Le Creuset pot of ragu when I wander into the kitchen on Saturday afternoon.

‘Jesus, how long do you have to cook that stuff?’I say.‘He’s not coming till half seven.’

‘Many, many hours.Come on, answer the question.Are you sure about this?We can postpone if you like.I’m sure Tadhg has a million showbiz parties he could go to instead, so he won’t have to stay home alone.’

‘Of course I’m sure!’I say.‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ says Katie, turning round to face me.‘Because of the whole Dave bombshell thing?Maybe you need a bit of peace and quiet this weekend to process it.’

‘I’ve processed it as best I can,’ I say honestly.‘Right now, I need distraction.’

And this dinner is certainly doing the job of distracting me from Dave’s news.I am very, very nervous about it.This will be the first time Tadhg and I have seen each other outside our work together.What if it’s all weird when we don’t have the music to fall back on?

‘Could you distract yourself by going to the off-licence with Jeanne to buy some booze?’says Katie.

‘I know she’s fussing over you,’ says Jeanne when we’re walking to the offie.‘She is being so dramatic.Because she cares about you.But I know you can deal with this Dave business.’

‘Thanks, Jeanne,’ I say.

‘About Tadhg, though, I’m not so sure,’ she says.‘Is Katie right?Do you have feelings for him again?’

‘No!’I say.‘I mean, not really.Anyway, it doesn’t matter if I do or don’t – in ten days he’ll be in Tennessee.’Not that I’ve been counting the days.

Somehow Jeanne can sigh in French.‘Why don’t you just tell him how you feel, Laura?’

I look at her as if she’s lost her mind.‘I won’t dignify that with an answer.’

I push open the door of the off-licence.

‘Bordel, I can’t believe he’s going to be in my house!’says Jeanne.‘I never told you this before because, well, you know, but I really love his first album.’

‘Don’t get too excited,’ I warn her.‘I mean, I love him and everything but he’s a pretty ordinary person.’

‘You what?’says Jeanne.

‘As a friend, obviously!’I say.

Jeanne looks at me suspiciously.‘As you say.’

When we get home with more beer, wine and fancy crisps than four people could possibly consume, Katie is hoovering the entire ground floor despite the fact Jeanne and I cleaned everything thoroughly last night.I realise she’s feeling a bit nervy too.

‘Okay,’ I say.‘I think we all need to calm down a bit.Seriously, Kay, if you keep hoovering that rug you’re going to wear it out.’

Katie sighs and turns off the hoover.‘I don’t know what’s come over me.It’s just Tadhg, for God’s sake!And I’m the one who wanted to invite him!’

‘Well, exactly,’ I say.‘Look, I will admit it’s weird.After everything.But let’s just … pretend it’s not?’

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