Page 60 of Our Song

After lunch, Sam says, ‘Right, pals, I’ll love you and leave you.I’ve got to pick Etain up from school.’

He promises to come back next week and Tadhg walks him to the front door.As soon as they leave the kitchen I slump down in my seat.God, I’m tired.I’m tired of everything.I close my eyes and rub my temples, as if that can push out all the stupid painful thoughts.

‘Are yousureyou’re okay?’says Tadhg.

My eyes snap open.‘I’m grand!’I say, too brightly.

‘Sorry,’ he says.‘You just seem a bit … down today.I shouldn’t pry.’

Wow, I used to be better at hiding my feelings.

I sigh.‘No, you’re not prying.I just … I got some news last night.About someone I used to know.Nothing terrible.It just threw me a bit, that’s all.I’ll be fine.’

‘Ah,’ says Tadhg.‘Do you want to talk about it?’

‘No,’ I say.‘But thanks for asking.’

‘No problem.’He’s silent for a moment and then says, ‘Do you fancy taking a break and going for a walk?Just down to the seafront or something.’

The thought of some fresh air and spring sunshine does sound very appealing.

‘I wouldn’t mind,’ I say, ‘but can you, like, just go for a walk?Will you not be besieged by adoring fans?’

‘We’ll go out the back and I’ll wear my contacts and a hat,’ he says.‘And besides, we can take a route where we won’t meet anyone.’

‘We are talking about Clontarf seafront, right?’I say.‘The one where people go for runs and walk their dogs all day?’

Tadhg grins.‘You’ll see.Trust me.’

I feel like a spy as Tadhg opens a door at the back of the studio that I’d barely noticed before and we emerge into the mews behind the Crescent.When he closes the door behind us, I see that it’s built so skilfully into the outer wall of the studio that anyone passing would barely notice there was a door there at all.

‘Come on,’ he says, and we head down the mews, past a row of cottages.

‘So this is your secret escape route?’I say.I gesture at the cottages.‘What do the locals think?’

‘They’re cool about it, mostly,’ says Tadhg.‘People tend not to hang around here, which helps.Probably because the family in that house have a very loud dog whose bark is definitely worse than his bite.I don’t think he evenhasa bite.’

But I noticed Tadhg still has to check for lurkers.Before we left the studio he looked at the stream from a security camera mounted on the external mews wall of the studio to ensure no one was hanging around outside.

We reach the end of the mews and turn right towards theHowth Road.I glance up at him, the brim of his flat cap pulled low over his eyes.

‘I like your hat,’ I say.

He looks down at me, amused and sceptical.‘Really?’

‘Really!’I protest.‘I’ve always thought more men should dress like farmers.Farmers and Victorian street urchins.’

He laughs.‘Well, that’s good to hear because those are exactly the two looks I’m going for.’

‘I thought they might be,’ I say.

It’s the first time we’ve walked anywhere together since college.It’s easy to forget when we’re sitting around the studio that he’s six foot two, almost a foot taller than me.But now, as he shortens his long stride to match mine, the way he used to when we walked somewhere together back in the day, I’m very aware of it.

As we cross the road at the Presbyterian church, a woman crossing from the opposite side does a literal double-take.

‘I think you’ve been spotted,’ I say.‘Are you sure this is a good idea?’

‘Pretty sure,’ he says.But he pulls the hat down a little bit further.

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