Page 30 of Our Song

But something happens when a band plays together, even after just a few weeks.You learn to communicate withoutwords, you learn to sync up by catching each other’s eyes, by looking at each other’s hands.And that’s what we started doing.

Now the song was back on track, and the awareness of this, combined with the palpable relief of the audience that we weren’t going to crash and burn embarrassingly before their eyes, filled us all with a fresh wave of confidence.Suddenly we weren’t just playing – we wereperforming.And we were, perhaps to our own amazement, kind of good at it.

Without being conscious I was doing it, my whole body was moving with the music, not just my hands.I looked straight down at the audience with a confidence that would have been unimaginable two weeks earlier.Some of the boys I’d been hanging around with for the last fortnight were looking back up at me as if they’d never seen me before.

When we finished the first song there was a split second of silence and then a roar of applause so loud it felt like we really were headlining a stadium.By the time we got to our Kinks cover,‘An t-Am ar Fad’, the audience was dancing and singing along to the chorus.From the opening chords on, I was locked into the riff.When the song built up towards Tadhg’s big solo, I threw my head back and held the guitar low, and as I looked down at the crowd, I felt like a fucking goddess.

I was almost eighteen, playing my very first gig.I was sweating, under the hot lights and the exertion of playing, and I knew my unruly hair must look even wilder now but I didn’t care.

I thought,I want to feel this way forever.

When it was over, the crowd roared their approval and we all felt high as kites.Caoimhe flung her arms around me with such enthusiasm I nearly fell off the low stage.I hugged her back, then she was hugging Tadhg, and I was embracing Katie, and then Tadhg jumped down from the stage and I found myself facing him.The stage was only about a foot or so high and for the first time our faces were at the same level.Up close, the greeny-brown colour of his eyes was even more beautiful.

Suddenly his hands were on my face, his face was close to mine.‘You were brilliant, Laura!’Bhí tú go híontach, Laura!

And then he kissed me.

I was almost but not quite sure,neverquite sure, that he was aiming for my cheek.

But just for a second, his lips brushed mine.

Then he drew back, looking faintly surprised at what he had done.We both kind of laughed but my mind was racing.Was that meant to be a proper kiss?Like, akisskiss?Was that the start of something?Or was it the sort of spontaneous kiss you’d plant on the cheek of a little kid or an extremely platonic friend?I didn’t know, I couldn’t know, and there was no time to analyse it because I had to get off the stage and we had to make our way through the crowd of unashamedly surprised friends and well-wishers and take our instruments back to the music room.

Fuck it, I thought.I don’t care how cheesy it is.I don’t even care if he says no.If there’s a slow set tonight I’ll ask him to dance with me.I’ll find out if that kiss meant something real, whatever it takes.

Two hours of goofy dancing to chart hits later, it was almost the end of the night and there still hadn’t been a slow set.Maybe I was never destined to dance with Tadhg like that.Maybe I would have to wait until we were back in Dublin to find out what that almost-kiss meant.

Then the first notes of ‘My Heart Will Go On’ rang out and everyone groaned theatrically.

‘Oh no, they’re actually doing it,’ said Sarah.

Then one of the rugby lads came over and asked her to dance and she seemed quite pleased and said yes.Brían, looking extremely nervous, asked Katie.

Now I had no excuse for not asking Tadhg.I took a deep breath.Right.Where was he?

Hang on, seriously, where was he?

I scanned the room – Brían and Katie were shifting now, good for them – but there was no sign of Tadhg.And with a lurch, I realised there was no sign of Caoimhe either.

A few boys asked me to dance – ‘I didn’t know you could play like that!That was so cool!’said one – but I said no.The song seemed to last forever, and after a few minutes I couldn’t take standing there on my own trying to hide how upset I wasstarting to feel, so I headed out to the loo, inconveniently situated at the end of a long corridor.Maybe I was being ridiculous.Maybe I’d go to the girls’ bathroom and find Caoimhe there.Maybe …

I was almost at the bathroom when I saw the door of the band room was ajar.There was no light on inside.I went over to shut it and saw that someone was in there.

Two someones.

Tadhg and Caoimhe were sitting on the bench that ran down one side of the room.Their heads were close together, close enough to kiss if they just moved an inch.

And his hand was clasped in hers.

They didn’t look up.I didn’t know if they’d seen me.I just backed away and then ran down the corridor.I stayed in the bathroom so long that when I eventually returned to the hall, the slow set was finishing up and the night was ending.Tadhg and Caoimhe were already there, Tadhg standing with Ciarán, Caoimhe with her school friends.I avoided both of them.Áine gave a speech about what a great group we’d been and how she wished us all the best in our Leaving Certs.Around me, girls were wiping tears away, which was a good thing because no one thought anything when I wiped away a few tears too.I forced myself to look at Caoimhe, but her back was to me now.Tadhg was standing behind me, but I refused to turn around and look at him.When we were filing out of the hall, he came over to me.

‘There you are!’he said.‘We need to arrange our first Dublinband practice.You’re all getting the train home tomorrow, aren’t you?’

I didn’t trust myself to speak, so I just nodded.It hurt my heart to look at him.

‘Cool,’ he said.‘Me too.’

Everyone was subdued the next morning when we gathered at thecoláisteto get the buses to Galway.Now we would return to the full horror of Leaving Cert study, and exams, and then the torturous wait to see if and where we’d got into college.But while we were waiting, we could still have the band.If I could bear it.

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