Page 29 of Our Song

As Tadhg walks over to the row of instruments, I forget that he’s a rock star and this is his own private studio.I feel like we’re in a music practice room again.I unzip my guitar case and pull out my beloved Danelectro.It’s an aqua-blue pastel dream of an instrument, a retro confection, with a lovely twangy sound and a hot-pink vinyl strap.I feel guilty for ignoring it for so long.As I pull the strap over my head then take a lead out of the pocket of the case and plug it into an amplifier, I realise Tadhg is looking at me.Or rather at my guitar.

‘Is that the same …?’

‘Yeah,’ I say.‘It’s my old guitar.’

I wish I could say I then put my foot up on the amp and launch into an amazing solo, but instead I say, ‘Um, have you got a tuner?’

Tadhg passes me one, picks up a bass, and we spend a minute tuning the instruments, which at least avoids another potentially awkward silence.Now here we are, facing each other, instruments in our hands.In a practice room together for the first time in sixteen years.

‘Want to play a song?’says Tadhg.

‘Sure.’I swallow.Why is my mouth so dry?Why is there no tea left in this charmingly retro mug?‘What’s a good warm-up song?’

‘D’you know ‘Everything is Free’?’

I nod.Tadhg starts playing the bassline of the melancholy but beautiful Gillian Welch song – since when has he been a bass player?Years, probably – and I launch into the chords, making them spikier and sharper than they are on the acoustic original.

Then Tadhg starts singing, his gravel-and-honey voice blending perfectly with the bittersweet lyrics.I’m picking notes as well as playing chords, catching Tadhg’s eye to make sure I come in at just the right moment, and for a few minutes we fall back into our old easiness, our old mutual understanding.How have I not done this in so long?We’re at the final chorus now, and Tadhg lets the last note linger.When it ends, we stare at each other in silence.

‘When was the last time you played with other people?’he says.

‘Oh wow, I’m not sure.’I flop into a chair and lean back, holding the Danelectro across my body like a shield.‘Ten years ago, maybe?’

After our band split up I tried to start other bands.After I got my first job, I briefly joined another friend’s band.But none of them lasted long.We never clicked musically.We never even got far enough to play any gigs.They were never right.

Nothing was ever as good as being in a band with Tadhg.

‘Haven’t you missed it?’says Tadhg.

And I have.Oh God, I have.

Chapter Twelve

1999

We approached that mini-gig at Coláiste Laoise with the seriousness and dedication of Beyoncé preparing for a stadium tour.The mini-concert would take place before a ‘disco’, which was replacing the usual céilí on the last night of the course.We’d play three songs, the choice of which we deliberated over as if we were negotiating a peace treaty.Then we practised.And practised.And practised.

Throughout it all, I was always aware of Caoimhe and the way she glanced at Tadhg when she thought he wasn’t looking.Had he ever heldherhand a little too long?In the evenings I’d look at them whenever they danced together at the céilís, my heart twisting every time she made him laugh.I couldn’t hate her, though.She still had head-girl energy but I liked her.We were friends now.How could I blame her for being in love with him too?

On the last night, I was so full of adrenalin I kept bouncing on the balls of my feet to try and shake it off.

‘Oh shit.’I grabbed Katie’s arm.‘I don’t think I can do it.’

‘Certainly you can!’said Katie.‘It’ll be fun!’

But all I could think of, once we were up on the stage, was that I was going to play my first-ever gig and I was terrified of messing it up.I looked at my bandmates.Caoimhe looked like she was going to be sick.Brían was taking deep breaths.Only Tadhg and Katie looked unconcerned.

Everything suddenly went very, very quiet.

Then I looked out at the packed hall, at all those expectant faces, and I felt something I hadn’t expected to feel.The energy surging through my body no longer felt like anxiety.

It felt like power.

We were aband.And we were going to give them a proper show.

‘A haon, a dó, a haon, dó, trí!’ shouted Brían, and we were off.

At first, I thought my fears were going to be realised.Brían was drumming slightly too fast, which threw us all off.Caoimhe tried to speed up the first line and had trouble breathing at the right moment.I could see people in the front row exchange sympathetic looks.I could almost hear their thoughts:Jaysus, after all that practising you’d think they’d be better than this.

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