Page 116 of Our Song

‘Yeah,’ he said.We drew a little closer to each other, across the corner of the table.‘You know I love playing music with you.’

‘I love playing music with you too,’ I said.

It was still okay to be honest, wasn’t it?

‘And hanging out with you too, of course,’ he said.

‘Well, of course,’ I said.‘Same here.Hanging out with you, I mean.’

Still okay.We both laughed.Now we were even closer.

‘I’m going to miss you so much,’ he said.And closer.‘Because you’re brilliant, Lol.’Closer.‘You’re so fucking brilliant.’

And then we weren’t laughing anymore.

We were kissing.

Afterwards, I agonised over who had kissed who first, but in my heart of hearts I was always sure that we both kissed each other at the same time, months and months of tension finally breaking.Tentative for just a second, and then anything but.We stood up, still kissing; I heard Tadhg’s chair fall backwards to the floor.

This is what Tadhg tastes like, I thought, this is what it feels like when those arms are wrapped around you, pulling you closer as if he can’t get enough of you.This is what it feels like to hear his breath catch as he pulls away from you, his teeth grazing your lower lip just for a second, before his lips meet yours again and his tongue is in your mouth, his stubble scratching your chin.This is what it feels like to slide your hands under his T-shirt, this is what it feels like when your arms are wrapped around his bare back.This is what it’s like when his hands are on you, under your clothes, at your heart.This is what it’s like.At last, I thought, atlast, this is what it’s like …

And for a while I didn’t think of anything at all.

I had never had a first kiss like this before.I had never had a firstanythinglike this before.

I pulled him closer to me, kissing him harder, and in one movement he scooped me up under my thighs so that I clung to him, my legs wrapping around his waist, and then, still kissing me, he set me down on the edge of kitchen table.He was pressed between my legs and I could feel his erection through his jeans.Oh my God, Tadhg is hard because of me.The idea turned me on so much I felt faint.

He pushed my skirt up, and now his hands were on my thighs, now his right hand was between my legs.

‘Is this okay?’he said, his voice low.

I nodded.And then we were kissing again, and his hand, God I should have known he’d be good with his hands, was sliding below the waistband of my knickers and I didn’t even care that they were a very unsexy pair of Dunnes mini-shorts because now Tadhg’s fingers were moving against me in a circle and doing something extraordinary.My face was buried in his neck and I could smell him, so familiar and now so utterly not, and I could smell me, and it was almost too much, it was all almost too much but it was glorious too.

Then he stopped, and I was about to tell him to keep going when he said, ‘I’ve got a condom in my wallet?’

He met my eyes, questioning, his gaze heavy with desire.

‘Okay,’ I said.‘Yes.Yes.’

My breathing was ragged and so was his as he took out his wallet from his back pocket and looked for the condom.I started to undo the straining buttons on his jeans, my fingers trembling.I’m going to have sex with Tadhg, I thought.Oh my God oh my God oh my God I’m going to have sex with Tadhg …

Tadhg ripped open the condom wrapper.

But then he pulled away from me a tiny bit.

My hands fell away from the buttons.

‘You okay?’I said.

The pause lasted way too long.

‘Laura,’ he said.‘Um … Maybe this isn’t a good idea.’

‘What?’A cold feeling went down my spine.

‘I mean, we’ve been drinking,’ he said.‘I … I don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret.’

I was flooded with relief.It was very good he was checking.But I wasn’t drunk and neither was he.I just wanted us to keep going.

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