Page 112 of Our Song

‘Laura?’says Tadhg.‘Lol?’

I realise I haven’t said anything for a weirdly long time.I pull myself together.‘Sorry!Sorry.’

‘So what do you say?’he says.‘About keeping this going?You can play at the gig in August and we’ll take it from there.’

And I say, ‘I need to think about it a bit.’

Tadhg laughs.‘What’s there to think about?’

His laugh needles me, just a little.He’s taking it for granted I’ll jump at this.

‘Lots of things!’I say.‘I’m sorry, I just need to be totally sure it’s a good idea.’

‘Seriously?’Tadhg looks genuinely surprised.‘I don’t get it.This has been going so well.’

‘Well, yes, apart from my very public humiliation …’

‘I just don’t understand why you want to stop.’

‘I didn’t say I wanted to stop!I just said I had to think about it.’

‘Okay, okay, I get it, I just thought …’ He trails off.

‘You just thought what?’I say.

‘I thought you’d be more enthusiastic,’ he says.

‘It’s not that simple,’ I say.

‘Seriously?’he says.‘Because I thought it would be a no-brainer!’

I keep my voice light.‘Oh you did, did you?’

‘Well, yeah,’ he says.‘I mean, what have you got to lose?’

I put down my cup.‘What have I got tolose?’

‘You know what I mean.What else would you be doing right now?After you lost your job and everything?’

‘Tadhg,’ I say, trying to keep the irritation out of my voice and failing.‘You do know I wasn’t actually fired, don’t you?I’m good at writing ads.I actually like writing ads.I’m literally being headhunted by top agencies.You were there last week when Jeanne told me someone wanted to hire me!’

‘Sorry, I know, I know.’Tadhg is all contrition.‘But wouldn’t you … Wouldn’t you rather do this?’

And the truth is that of course I would, despite how much I’ve loved my advertising career.Rediscovering this part of me has been like letting sunlight into a room I didn’t even realise was dark.But hisassumptionthat I’d drop everything in my life for it, the way he assumed Hugo would listen to him, that the café would deliver to him, the restaurant would have a table for him, the assumption that it was a ‘no-brainer’…

I take a deep breath.‘Look, working with you has been brilliant, despite all the media bollocks.And it’s great thatwe’re … that we’re friends again.But you know, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to suggest I spend a few minutes considering whether I should turn down an amazing career opportunity and change my whole life for you.’

‘Of course it’s not,’ says Tadhg.‘I’m sorry.I’m being a dick.’

‘It’s okay,’ I say.

And then he says, ‘It’s just, well, being able to do this for you really means a lot to me.And I’d like to keep doing it.’

I freeze.

‘Do thisfor me?’I look at him and his smile dims a little bit when he takes in the expression on my face.

‘Ah, you know what I mean,’ he says.

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