Page 100 of Our Song

‘But you and me,’ I said.‘Aren’t we a family?Just the two of us?Aren’t we enough?’

I only said it because I thought it would make him realise the utter madness of what he’d been saying.I only said it because I thought it would make him come to his senses.I only said it because I was sure he’d say ‘Yes, of course we’re enough’.

But he said, ‘I’m sorry.I’m so sorry.But we’re not.Not for me.’

‘And so,’ I tell Tadhg, ‘he left me and found someone who could give him a baby with no trouble at all.’

‘Well,’ says Tadhg, ‘he’s a dickhead who didn’t know how lucky he was.’

We sit for a moment in surprisingly easy silence, and then Tadhg notices the maître d’ is looking nervously over at our table.He clearly doesn’t want to bother a superstar, and we’ve got three-quarters of a bottle of wine left, but they must need the table for the next customers.We’ve been here for over two hours.

‘I think we’d better go,’ says Tadhg, and then he says, ‘Do you want to go home just yet?’

‘Not really.’

‘Do you fancy going back to my place and playing the guitar very, very loudly?’

‘Yes,’ I say.‘Yes,please.’

Chapter Twenty-Nine

2003

The day after his break-up with Jess, I met Tadhg as usual at Front Arch to get the bus out to Brian’s garage.He looked like he hadn’t slept much.Or shaved.

‘You okay?’I said.

He nodded.‘More or less.’

We started walking towards the bus stop.

‘Have you talked to Jess?’I said.‘Since yesterday, I mean?’

‘I rang her this morning,’ he said.‘She’s … not great.’

We walked in silence for a moment.

‘You know,’ I said, ‘if you’re not up for playing the Ball, we don’t have to do it.’

But to my relief he said, ‘God, no, of course I want to do it.’He smiled down at me.‘I want to end this college year with something good.’

I smiled back at him.Inside my heart, the hope started to rise.And something else.Determination.

‘So do I,’ I said.

Tadhg and I were still determined to follow Jo and Brian’s wishes and keep the band going somehow when I got back from my New York summer, even though we weren’t going to be in the same college anymore.

‘We can’t stop now, Lol,’ he said.‘We’re only getting started.’

‘We should record something,’ I said.My mind raced with possibilities.‘We could release an EP.’

‘We could doeverything,’ said Tadhg.

Now he wasn’t with Jess I was starting to regret my plan to go to America for three months.What if he met someone new while I was away?A fellow teacher on that summer camp, someone even hotter and cooler than Jess?

If I wanted something to happen with him, I was going to have to make sure it happened soon.

I had just left the library in the Arts Block one sunny afternoon a week later when I got the bad news.Joanna was coming through the door from Fellows’ Square, a miserable expression on her face.

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