Page 184 of Glass Jawed
And it brings me back.
Back to now.
Back toher.
Alan once told me to focus on something that pulses. Something consistent. A metronome. A ticking clock. A heartbeat.
I found mine.
She’s my heartbeat.
After a few minutes, we’re in sync. Breathing steady. The panic has passed, but it’s left us both stripped—of air, of energy, of anything but the need to just be in each other’s arms.
“I think we need water,” I murmur, clearing the lump in my throat.
She nods, still tucked into the crook of my neck like she’s not ready to let go. I glance around and spot a water bottle near the edge of the bed. Without shifting too much—without breaking contact—I stretch to grab it.
She slowly unwinds her limbs from me and takes the bottle, coughing lightly before sipping. I watch her, drinking her in more than the water. She looks pale, but...peaceful. The storm has passed. At least for now.
She hands the bottle back to me with a tiny smile. I take a long gulp—desperate for it—and just as I’m halfway through swallowing, she blurts:
“What if you need dick?”
I choke. Violently. Coughing, gasping, laughing all at once like I’ve just been hit with a semi after baring my soul.
She giggles and reaches over, giving me a few firm slaps on the back. So helpful.
“Did you just—?” I manage between coughs.
“I mean... it’s a valid question,” she shrugs, far too innocently for the absolute bomb she just dropped.
I blink. “Are you going to start hunting for dick too?”
She frowns at me, half-scandalized. “Don’t beobtuse, Lucian! Youknowwhat I mean. I just... I don’t have the... uh, equipment.”
She waves vaguely near her lap. It’s so endearing I can barely keep a straight face.
And honestly? Idoknow what she’s asking. I’d wondered if she’d ever bring it up. She didn’t when we first started dating, and I never pushed. Maybe I didn’t give her the safety back then. But she’s asking now.
Andgod, that meanseverything.
The answer, though? That’s easy.
But I can’t resist fucking with her a little first.
“Youdohave equipment, baby. So do I. And they matchperfectly.”
She stares at me, blank. Then groans. Loudly. “You’reimpossible!You know what I meant. What if you need acock?”
Good god!
She throws her hands in the air. “There! That clear enough for you?!”
I burst into full laughter, and then sober up under her glare.
“Baby,” I say gently, grinning, “I justtoldyou. What we’ve got? It fits. I don’t need anything else. And also... I’m a top.”
She raises an eyebrow.
