Page 113 of Hide From Me

Laura rushes up slamming a thick gauze onto the wound at his shoulder and he groans low in his throat. But even then, even in pain, his hand reaches blindly for me.

“You need to stay still so they can help you.” I mutter.

Is it fear that makes my voice shake? Is it hurt? Is it the undeniable fact that in this moment I can't find any other words? Probably all the above. I've seen death–I’ve held it in my hands–and now I’m watching it like an out of body experience creating a scene I’m all too familiar with. There's a thousand words on the tip of my tongue, a million different ways to punish and express my love for him but it's all too much to handle.

Especially since all my heart is saying is please don't go.

“I was trying to protect you,” Moe says, his breath shallow, teeth clenched. “I didn’t mean to lie. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You have to believe me. Please. You have to believe I didn’t mean to be someone else. I just—I didn’t know how to be me until I met you.”

Laura presses harder and he cries out, face contorting. I almost step forward, almost dropping to my knees then and there, but his features soften like he can sense my next move and it makes me hesitate.

“I’ll tell you everything,” he tries to nod as his fingers flex like there's no more strength left in him to reach again. “I’ll walk away from all of it, I swear to God. I’ll burn it all down if you ask me to. Just don’t… don’t look at me like I’m something you’re afraid of.”

“Please, Moe. Don’t do this to me,” Caspian whispers, voice cracking now. He presses both hands down on Moe’s chest, trying to keep pressure where the blood won’t stop.

“I’m not afraid of you,” I say, but it’s a lie, and I think we both know it.

I’m terrified.

Terrified of how much I still want to run to him. Wrap my arms around him. Beg him not to die. Terrified of how badly I want to believe he’s still mine. Terrified of the version of myself I’ve become because of him—someone who gave too much and asked too little.

He opens his mouth like he wants to say something more, but the fight drains from his body, and his knees buckle again. Caspian and Sam catch him this time, dragging him down slowly to the floor. Blood pools around him, soaking into the floorboards I’d scrubbed raw hours ago like they’re mocking me.

“Moe!” My voice cracks—shatters. “Wait—”

His head lolls toward me. Eyes glassy, dazed, almost gone but still, he smiles.

“See? You know it as well as I do…” he murmurs, barely coherent now. “I’m not a monster. Just… yours.”

His eyes roll back, he goes still and everything explodes into chaos.

Caspian starts barking orders, his voice hoarse with panic as he presses both palms over Moe’s wounds. Sam clears a wide space on the floor, stumbling over the coffee table as he yells coordinates to Jasmine. Laura’s knees are soaked in blood as she works on sealing the shoulder wound. Cordelia sits on the floor, cradling Moe’s head in her lap, her forehead pressed to his as she murmurs something only he can hear.

“What’s happening?” I croak, backing into the wall. My knees buckle, but I catch myself.

No one answers me. They’re all too focused. Too trained. Tooinit.

But me? I’m just the girl who didn’t know and all I can do is stand here, shaking, heart in shreds, as I watch him bleed out in the middle of what was supposed to be such a safe, happy, hidden space for us, surrounded by people who knew him better than I ever could.

Still… after all of it… all I want is for him to wake up and tell me everything will be okay.

To tell me all of this is some sick, twisted prank he decided to pull.

The truth is, though, that even then, I know I wouldn't believe him because I don’t know what’s true anymore.

I don’t know who he is.

And worst of all… I don’t know who I’ve become.

“Greenport’s chopper is five minutes out—we’re going straight to Seaborn!” Jasmine shouts over the chaos, her voice cracking at the edges. It’s only then that I reallyseeher—mascara streaked down her cheeks, eyes swollen and red, her hands trembling where they clutch her comm.

Everyone looks wrecked. No one more than Caspian who’s hunched over Moe like he can hold him together with sheer will. His eyes squeeze shut, jaw clenched so tight I think he might break his teeth. Sharkie reaches for him, trying to steady him, but he jerks his arm away, his hands pressing harder on Moe’s chest, desperate.

“Ican’tlose you too,” Caspian chokes out. His head bows until his forehead rests against Moe’s sternum, like he’s praying to whatever god he stopped believing in long ago.

Sam drops down beside him, hands slick with blood as he helps Laura work around Moe’s leg, trying to find the source of the bleeding.

“I can’t find where it’s coming from!” Laura hisses, breath ragged, eyes darting, fingers searching.

---