Page 20 of Someone to Have
“Because I’m pushing myself out of my comfort zone. It’s my bucket list challenge.”
He rubs a hand over his jaw, and more goosies erupt along my skin. “I thought a bucket list was about skydiving or swimming with sharks.”
“I don’t want to swim with sharks, and this bucket list is different.” I pretend to study my leg when it becomes too intense to hold his dark gaze. “Anyway, I haven’t decided if I’m going to try out.”
“Who’s the ‘he’?” Eric asks for a third time. Darn persistent, this one.
“Bryan Connor.”
“Ugh. I figured.”
“He’s the director.”
“And you want to get busy with him up in the balcony?”
“There’s no balcony in the Skylark Theater.”
“You know what I mean,” he says, the corner of his mouth curving up. “Why don’t you just ask him out?”
“Are you joking?”
“I guess the better question is, why would you want to go out with him? Assuming it’s not a result of your mixed-up concussion brain?—”
“I don’t have a concussion.”
“Then be honest. Does Bryan Connor do it for you, Tinkerbell?”
The way he asks the question with such authentic confusion throws me off guard, and I forget that this should be awkward. When did we go from neighborly small talk to me spilling my deepest insecurities to a man I barely know?
But something about him saying he trusted me earlier makes me want to trust him back, even though I can count on one hand the number of real conversations we've had. He’s completely focused on me, like I’m the only person in the world right now. The intensity of it sends heat spiraling through my body.
I need to get a hold of myself. Tonight’s dinner and the unexpected connection I feel is nothing more than him needing something from me. Maybe I feel comfortable with Eric because he reminds me of all the hockey guys I knew growing up who saw me as nothing more than Toby’s dorky little sister. He's not someone I'd consider dating, so I don't have to be nervous or tongue-tied.
Except his gaze keeps dropping to my mouth and I can’t seem to calm my pulse, which is fluttering against my throat at the rate of hummingbird wings. The space between us feels charged, and I'm acutely aware of how close he's standing and the fact that there doesn’t seem to be enough air in the room for me to take a real breath.
I remind myself (mostly my lady parts) that I wouldn't want to date someone like Eric, even though I kind of like him.
As a friend, of course. Even though friends shouldn’t make your skin feel too tight or make you wonder what their hands would feel like against your skin.
He clears his throat, and I realize I still need to respond to his question about Bryan. The answer should be simple, but another few seconds pass before I can manage it.
“Yes, he does,” I whisper, then gather my knees to my chin andwrap my arms around them. “I haven’t asked him out because he doesn’t think of me like that.”
Eric laughs, a low rumble in his chest. “Every man who looks at you thinks of you like that.”
“Now who’s the one with a concussion?” My laugh sounds more like a manic hyena.
I hold up a hand when he starts to say more because I know he’s placating me. There’s no other explanation.
“Bryan and I are work friends. That’s how he sees me.” I repeat the words I said to my friends in the bar. “But we could be more.”
“You want to be more?” It’s a variation of the question he asked a few minutes ago, one I’ve already answered.
“I think we’ve established that. But he’s not the reason I’m auditioning. He’s a side benefit, I hope. Mostly, I want to overcome my fear of public speaking.”
“Why?”
I think about the last time the book club FaceTimed with Sloane. It was right after Thanksgiving. She was wearing a fuzzy purple hat to hide her bald head. Our sweet friend laughed at the lame jokes and silly life updates each of us shared, but there were shadows under her eyes. Her skin was pale, her lips cracked, and she looked like cancer was winning the battle, which was something I wasn’t prepared to see. None of us were. Sloane is the most upbeat, positive person I know. A real-life ray of sunshine. I hated that the disease seemed to be sucking the light and life from her.
